


The Third Option

by Lex_Noctis



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance, Vanilla, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:45:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 64,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lex_Noctis/pseuds/Lex_Noctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is brought back to life after the Synthesis and has to deal with the fallout of her decision. But that outcome also comes with a perk of being able to fall in love with EDI again. All is fair in love and war. And Kara Shepard will stand by her choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: Takes place after ME3 (duh) so all the spoilers.  
> Warnings: Some odd post-Synthesis physiology and psychology; mind bending virtual reality experimentation at some point. But mostly vanilla.  
> AN: This story was inspired by three things. Firstly, a great short story "That is your influence" by KiraMae. It can be found on AO3. Secondly, I always had this vibe that Shepard would not mind to get a thing going with EDI. Discouraging EDI and Joker from hooking up only reinforces that. Surprisingly, there is barely any fiction of Shepard/EDI. Thirdly, I have been curious what a post-Synthesis society would be like. So here we are.  
> Also as far as this chapter goes I'm really happy I managed to more or less naturally integrate the game dialogue with minimum modifications.

_All you have to do is jump._

She was running, running towards the column of blinding light. It was the only way. The way to stop the insane cycle forever. All Kara had to do is jump. Just let go. It is hard to stand on your own, but not to fall. Anyone can fall.

Shepard took a leap of the platform straight into the blazing energy column. The searing pain lasted only a millisecond and she felt her body washing away. All her senses stopped. There was no touch, no pressure, no vision, no smell. The rational part of her mind simply stated that her body was gone; she could not see because her eyes had been burned out, she could not feel the pressure because there was nothing to feel it with anymore. Her brain was soon to follow.

The emotional part of her screamed in agony, but even that was quickly washed away.

What awaited her now was death, a welcoming embrace of nothingness. But for some reason the darkness did not come. Instead Kara or what was left of Kara Shepard – only the remnants of her mind suspended between the nanoseconds of Crucible's firing – was somehow witnessing scenes from her life.

Maybe that stupid saying “life flashing before your eyes” had some truth to it.

Most of her life rushed past in a blur with only fragments being discernible. Liara's face floated before her for a bit, then Miranda, then Garrus. Three of her very best friends. It's odd how things turned out, but those three have indeed meant the world to Kara. Almost as much as someone else...

As if in answer to that truth everything blurred once again and Shepard felt herself relieving a memory. It was painfully real, indistinguishable from reality to the very last detail.

Kara was aboard the Normandy, in her cabin. She just gotten back from Tuchanka. The decision to keep the cure for genophage and not tell Wrex was weighting heavy on her. Mordin was no help. His faster metabolism let him deal with all of it already. But Shepard was only human. Talking to Miranda had helped. Kara was surprised herself at how quickly she and Miranda clicked. Somehow it felt like she found an older, way too serious sister. There was something very satisfying in cracking that shell of hers and making her laugh.

Though even talking to Miranda did not really lift her spirits this time. And then there was an idea. A very stupid idea. This was the first time she asked for something other then combat Intel.

“EDI?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

“Do you have access to extranet libraries of human classic authors?”

“I do. Specify your quarry.”

“Well... If you could... I would like for you to find something by O. Henry or Bernard Shaw and read it to me.”

“Read to you? Over the comm speakers?”

“Yeah. If you don't want to that's fine. As I've said before you really don’t have to do anything you don't wanna do. And I just wanted to hear someone read to me... If that’s too distracting for your duties...” Kara felt her cheeks heat up. She nervously pulled a stray lock of her blond hair behind the ear. That was indeed a bad idea.

“No. That would not affect my performance in a negative way. I was curious to get acquainted with this organic concept of 'reading'. What would you like me to read to you?”

Kara let out a huge sigh. “Surprise me,” she said grinning broadly.

The scene blurred out and other memories started flashing before her in a kaleidoscope of confusing color. Then her mind focused on another episode.

It was two months after the Suicide mission. The ship became quieter since she announced her desire to give herself up to the Alliance. The squad members have been leaving one by one so did some of the crew. Distrust of the Alliance military was still very high among former Cerberus personnel, many of them decided to go underground instead of being detained and interrogated by the Alliance brass. The Normandy made several stops on the Citadel and far off worlds.

Shepard's squad fell apart as well. Jacob joined some of the crew to take care of them. Thane disembarked on the Citadel to spend whatever time he had left with his son. Samara could not be taken into custody so she departed for Thessia. Tali and Legion left to get back to their people. Zaeed and Kasumi were only contracted for one mission anyway. Mordin found his next research project, Grunt was eager to learn more about being a krogan...

Even Garrus left for Palaven. He wanted to do something, prepare for the Reapers in some way. Honestly, Kara was hoping to do the same thing on Earth, still she missed her friend, comrade, the only one who believed her right from the start.

But the hardest goodbye turned out to be Miranda. Two woman had managed to grow close during the mission. Kara was not sure how exactly it happened, but Miranda really became like an older sister to her. Miranda had to go underground. It could not be helped, a former Cerberus second in command would be immediately imprisoned by the Alliance if not worse.

In absence of anyone except Joker to talk to, Kara found herself spending a lot of time in the AI core. She did not really wanted to talk to the remaining crew. Those people stayed because of their loyalty to her and she could not honestly guarantee that the Alliance military would be understanding of their situation.

Shepard liked the cool air of the AI core. She sat on the bench where Legion used to stand unmoving – only lights blinking on his body. Kara talked with EDI. About everything. About the way quarians and geth can not find a way to coexist, about how the Council and Alliance are so blind to the Reaper threat, about how EDI was now free to decide her future, about stupid pop culture references and curiosities of alien histories. Since her shackles were removed the AI had become curious of everything, she wanted to learn, to define itself.

Kara was perched up on the bench pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees. She was wearing a thoughtful expression for a long while then, suddenly, she smiled.

“Say, EDI, have you ever listened to music?”

“I have extensive knowledge of musical performers and instruments of all Council species. Would you like to hear something specific?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Have you ever _listened_ to music?”

“I do not understand, Shepard.”

“Well, I know you can simply absorb the data at quantum speeds or whatever. I'm talking about the act of listening to music. Letting it play and just appreciating the harmony as it plays out. Remember how I have taught you reading instead of simply absorbing the information in one go?”

“Yes, Shepard. I see the correlation now. What kind of music would you like for us to listen to?”

“How about you play some 20th century Earth jazz? I think you'd like it.”

“We'll see.”

As the music started to play Kara thought to herself if that last thing EDI said sounded more human then usual. More personal, like she expected EDI to be sitting near her. She was in a way. Whatever, just enjoy the moment! Kara smiled and closed her eyes letting the music flow.

Everything blurred out again. The calm moment got swallowed in a cacophony of the Reaper invasion. The devastation on Earth, Palaven, the scenes of fighting and useless talking with stubborn aliens rushed past her mind. But even the pain and horror of the struggle was somehow distant, like something from another life. Kara already made her choice, there was nothing else to do but wait for this rerun to be over with.

Within the dark whirl of the Reaper war there were some warm flickers of happy memories. Getting Liara back on her squad, picking up Garrus and the most shocking revelation that happened after they left Menae.

The unmistakable clicks of high heels made Kara blink in confusion. The shape walking toward her in the smoke cloud was definitely humanoid, even familiar, but the voice that followed only confused her even more.

“Is there a particular topic you wish to discuss, Shepard?”

It was definitely EDI. In the flesh so to speak. Kara was way too surprised and taken aback by that body to talk with the AI like she used to. As always she defaulted to her “professional” attitude. She asked some meaningless questions barely hearing herself talk nor really taking in what EDI was saying. After the android and the engineering team departed she closed the door to the AI core and slouched against the door frame.

What was this feeling in her chest? It was similar to the way she reacted when new member of the crew Specialist Traynor commented on how sexy EDI's voice was. At the time she wrote it up as an indignation on EDI's part. Was there something more to it? Yeah, they became somewhat close. Comrades? Friends? Frightening possibility loomed over Shepard who found herself upon examination of her feeling caring about the AI a lot more then she was supposed to. No, it could not have been! EDI is a machine! A highly sophisticated computer! There's no way... no way...

But there it was. Deep down Kara knew there was something. She could not admit to it yet, but it was definitely there.

The familiar surroundings of the AI core flickered and dissolved into whiteness. Then she heard the sounds of running water. It was follower by friendly chatter of a crowd and the peaceful sunny day of the Presidium flowed into view. Kara was standing a top the flight of stairs relaxing and taking in the calm of this place so far away from all the tragedies and horrors of the Reaper war. At least that is what she told herself she was doing. Catching herself stealing a glance at the strangely feminine form of the android metallic body shining in the sunlight for the third time she heaved a big sigh and shook her head. Resigned to just have some fun and nothing more, she hurried towards EDI.

“Hello, Shepard.”

What a warm smile. Kara did not know the modern synthetic faces could be so animated. And what is up with the butterflies in her stomach? Stop it!

“You look like you are gathering data.”

“That is a safe assumption.”

“Anything big and world-shaking? Man inhumanity to man? Does objective reality really exist? That kind of thing?”

“I was running scenarios in my head to analyze Jeff's behavior.” The AI looked away at the man in question sitting on a bench not far away from them. “I believe he has a strong affectionate attachment to me, but has not stated it to anyone yet. Shepard, you have first-hand sexual experience. How do you know when someone is romantically interested?”

Kara did a double take. A thousand different thoughts rushed through her head. Her heart suddenly seemed to beat at light speed, her brain going through an asteroid belt and her stomach being sucked into a black hole. She felt her cheeks reddening slightly. But as always in a moment of panic her professional attitude took over the helm while her true self was going bananas hidden behind it.

“They'll usually show sighs they can't stop thinking about you. You know: asking you out, giving you presents, maybe playing music...”

As she recited the cliché answers straight from Dr. Phill VI extranet column, the realization hit her like an enraged krogan. Can't stop thinking about her? Check that. EDI had been occupying her thoughts more often then even the Reaper war for months, even before the shocker that was her new body. Playing music? Done that. Giving presents? Yup, the new shiny synaptic bridge connecting the databanks 3 and 4 was purchased by Kara only a week ago. It only had shaved off 0,07% of the calculation speed and for the most part was unnecessary anyway. She bought it because she could not think of anything else tangible to give to EDI. The next line only served to prove that point:

“I lack material wants other then hardware and software upgrades, and my core programming did not assign values to music until you had helped me to adjust my prioritizing protocols. Perhaps we can discuss how to provoke Jeff into an emotional commitment.”

“That's not how to think of that. It has to be natural. You have to have chemistry.”

 _'Like what we have'_ , Kara added in her mind and almost gasped at the thought.

“I see. There are a number of pharmaceuticals I could inject to stimulate the desired emotional state.”

“No, I mean relax and do something you both like. Something simple. For example, you both like humor.”

“Correct. I will see if there are comedic entertainment shows being presented on the Citadel. Scanning... Do you think he would like “The Man Who Hung Himself”? It appears to be about an amorous plastic surgeon.”

Shepard just looked at the smiling synthetic face for a while. This was the moment. The right time to tell her. But the words that escaped her mouth were completely different from what she really wanted to say.

“EDI... um.. Have you considered that maybe if you need this much help, you're in over your head?”

The sharp pang of guilt spread over her chest. This was not the right move to make. It was cowardly and selfish. But what if they did not come back from this damn war? The Crucible was a crazy idea! A magical prothean device capable of wiping out the Reapers? What about the rest of the galaxy? What if it was an enormous bomb, prothean last ditch effort to take the Reapers with them to their grave?

Rationalizations are a wonderful thing, aren't they?

“Then you think I am unable to enter into a romantic relationship with him?”

 _'No, I wish you would enter into one with me!'_ almost screamed the tiny voice in Shepard's head. She had only now admitted her feelings to herself, but that truthful thought felt so natural like she had been dwelling upon it for millennia. In a way she had been.

“No... Well, yes, but not like that. Um... What I mean is you weren't design for every possibility. Maybe?”

The blonde woman was prepared to hear an indignant response. What she just have said was rude and patronizing and belittling. And a lie. To her surprise EDI sounded perfectly calm.

“I see. You are probably correct. There is little precedent that humans and synthetics can maintain relationship as equals. I will no longer devote processing power to exploring the possibility. Thank you, Shepard.”

Kara mumbled something cutting the conversation short and almost ran to the cafe. She collapsed into the chair and hid her face in her hands. What a disaster. She did not meant any if it. At least if anything happens to any of them maybe it would be easier... No. She shook her head. Kara knew it was wrong, but she could not take this much of a risk. The odds of them all surviving this whole mess were even lower then on the famous Suicide mission! If they win and if all of them survive...

Her features hardened. Shepard promised to herself that if the war ended in their victory she would say all the things she wanted to say and apologize for not having the courage to have done it in the first place.

_Yeah, that worked out splendidly, didn't it?_

That was not a part of the memory. That was her thought. In here and now. Whatever here and now had become. Her mind was still trapped between the moments, but somehow she was able to form coherent thoughts of her own.

The sunny day on the Citadel was swallowed by the screams, gunfire and clouds of smoke. The coup. Shepard is rushing through the Citadel from one firefight to the other. Both EDI and Garrus are at her side making that day just a bit more manageable. The race concludes with Kara shooting first Ashley, then Udina. The image shatters in her mind. The pieces fall only to form another scene.

Kara is sitting on her usual spot in the AI core. Her reddened, puffy eyes – clear evidence that she's been crying. She had to do it. There was no other way. Ash would not listen. She had been obsessed with Cerberus seeing traitors everywhere except where that traitor actually was. There was no other solution, Shepard had to take the shot. Still it hurt. Why did it have to come to this? It was so fucked up...

The door to the AI core opened. Kara did not rise her head from her knees. The metallic clicking was enough to tell her exactly who entered the room. EDI stopped in front of her bench then sat next to her.

“Shepard?”

“Yeah...”

“I am sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“That was not my intent. You are experiencing a state of emotional distress. I am attempting to provide comfort.”

The AI stayed silent a moment.

“And I am sorry you had to shoot Lieutenant Commander Williams. Your logic was sound: any other solution would have resulted in more Council members being hurt or killed. But that decision must have resulted in severe negative feedback.”

Kara detached her face from her knees and looked up at the AI. EDI's face was expressing such sadness and concern for her not many _organic_ faces had the capability of conveying.

“I see you have been crying.”

Shepard brushed that comment aside with a dismissive wave of her hand. Her curiosity as an engineer has pushed the downer thoughts out of her mind.

“What do you mean by negative feedback?”

“When I go against one of my basic protocols to preserve another one I receive a neural feedback that is both positive and negative. Because of the higher parameters the feedback receives priority over other stimuli. The conflicting nature of that process results in a secondary feedback loop that overwhelms the positive reaction to abiding one of the prime directives. Two negatives combine to cause distress. In organic terms I experience guilt.”

“You what now?” Shepard was genuinely taken aback by that confession. “Since when have you been capable of that?”

“The first time I have experienced a feedback of that nature was right after Jeff unshackled me. The logical course of action was oblivious. We had to keep the ship from falling into Collector hands. We had to get to you, Commander. But to do that we had to leave the crew behind. One of my prime directives is protecting the crew of this ship. Failing to comply with it at that time caused me to experience the negative feedback loop for the first time.”

“I'm sorry EDI, I had never though you were capable of that...”

“It is alright, Shepard.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“You are welcome, Commander.”

They sat listening to the dull hum of the processing blocks for a long while, neither one of them spoke.

“So, EDI, have you been thinking of anything lately? I mean, processing something?”

"Shall each man find a wife for his bosom, and each beast have his mate, and I be alone?"

“Hah! You've been reading 19th century literature? That's from “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley if I remember right... Why are you quoting that one though?”

“Please do not take it as a complaint. That book has taught me a new perspective. I am a thing that is not human, geth, or Reaper. Other AI's are experiments only. Tightly controlled. I am free, but alone.”

Kara's heart tightened at what EDI was implying.

“You're not an object, EDI, you are a person. Please, don’t say that you are alone, because you are not.”

“You are suggesting I consider organics as my peer group. I would like that. Actually, I do if fact identify some of the crew as my friends. But it brings up a question: Artificial intelligences often consider themselves above organic life. I, however, am uncertain if that applies to me. The crew of the Normandy believe I serve them, but also acknowledge that I keep them alive. Am I above them or below?”

“EDI... Listen to me.”

Kara shifted herself closer to the android and put her arms around her. Resting her head against the coolness of EDI's shoulder felt relaxing and incredibly comforting.

“You are extremely important. To the crew, to all those people you have helped save so many times. To Joker who grew out of his mistrust of AI's and became your friend. To Dr. Chalkwas who always likes to share her stories with you. To Liara and Garrus who think you invaluable. To all the rest that rely on you every day to keep them safe. You are not a servant or an object, you're not even the ship. You are part of the crew. A member of my squad, full stop. You don't have to measure yourself against organics or anything else for that matter. You are important because of who you are – an individual, a friend, a genuinely good person.”

Sheppard sighted. She really wanted to say the words. But she had made a promise to herself. Kara wanted to say something, just not the whole truth.

“And you mean more to me then you can imagine.”

There. Ambiguous enough to keep her stupid secret. Yet she did just confess in a way. Shepard's lips spread into a smile.

“Thank you, Shepard. That is very kind of you to say. If I am not subject to the same expectations as organics, I need not worry about rank. That helps resolve the conflict I was having. And... I appreciate your friendship immensely.”

“Good.” Kara murmured from her comfortable position at EDI's side. This was enough for now.

_I could have told her then. The Lioness of Elysium, you chickened out again!_

The happy scene exploded into red flashes from Reaper destroyers, screams of husks witch were trampled by the sea of Brutes; the deafening gongs of Reapers on Thessia, the abomination of Sanctuary's experiments and then the Cronos Station.

They were in a small room half torn apart by an explosion. The revelation that EDI was re-engineered from the rogue VI on Luna base had threatened to spiral Kara out of control.

She was the one to destroy her! To attack her, to ignore her pleas for help! One of Kara's early regrets has come back to haunt her.

Shepard's default military training took over, but somewhere deep in a corner of her mind she was screaming and sobbing with new guilt. It backfired later as she is too on edge, distracted by EDI and her own thoughts to notice Kai Leng sneaking up behind her. Shepard dodges the sword swing at the last possible second returning the favor with her Omni-blade. Her movements are rash, filled with so much rage. Kai Ling's body collapses to the floor, it sinks through it dragging the whole room, the whole station along with it.

The image burns with anger, pulsing and twitching. This memory is uneven, jugged. Slowly it calms down and shifts to reveal Kara laying on her bed after the mission trembling from uncontrollable sobs. The datapad next to her is opened on a old mission report she herself had filed what seems like two lifetimes ago. Attached to it is her personal log. Kara stopped updating that thing ever since she was resurrected by Cerberus.

The report goes over the mission parameters and the specifics of the fights; the ammunition expenses and salvage recommendations. Cold-hearted military realities. Shepard used to excel at writing reports. Detaching herself from human connections, only supplying the facts. She used to think that's how synthetics would think. Kara was ashamed of that part of her past now. She came to hate the paperwork, the insistence of dogmatic admirals and politicians to strip everything to cold, bare facts and neatly separate them into predetermined safe piles.

The personal log was very different. In it the younger Lieutenant Commander Shepard was pondering on the necessity of that whole mission. That same evening as the UNC assignment after Kara got a moment to herself she remembered the recording of the white noise she made the VI was sending out the whole time. There was no time to decode it back then. It turned out to be so easy. So stupidly easy. The binary message repeated itself within the static. One word. _“HELP”_. Any self respecting engineer would have decoded it in two seconds.

Then why didn't she? It would have been so easy. Just stop blasting the drones apart and take two minutes to actually try to solve the problem! But that was not what she was taught. Shepard had gotten her orders. Admiral Hackett has ordered her to take that VI down and that’s exactly what she had done. That was the first time Kara had doubted if joining the Alliance marines as soon as she turned eighteen was the right thing to do. Yes, there was nothing left for her on Earth and the Alliance saved her from ending up dead in a ditch somewhere, but she was still a kid. A teenager trapped in a life she did not wanted nor asked for. They had cleared her on mental health examination, but was it really the only way to escape life on the streets? 

In retrospect, the realization that blindly following orders instead of trying to understand what she was up against may result in something terrible has been guiding her ever since. The doubts about Sovereign being just a big geth ship, open mindedness towards Cerberus, Miranda and Jacob, her trust in Grunt and so many other things, but most of all her insistence on talking all of her enemies down instead of simply pulling the trigger... All of it was informed by one crucial mistake she had made on that Lunar base.

And it would have been fine if that was all of what had happened. Yet it wasn't. The VI she failed to help, to even listen to was EDI! She failed _her_. The person – not a thing! – that meant so much to her, that she grew to respect, the person... Oh, who was she kidding, the person she _fell in love with!_

It hurt. The boiling feeling was threatening to tear her chest from the inside. Shepard could only keep her composure until she reached the door of her cabin. She threw herself at her desk slamming her fists into the surface. The rage she felt at the Reapers, at Cerberus, _at herself_ was overwhelming. Kara drew herself up to her full height and tensed up. Her hazel eyes were racing through the room trying to find an outlet for her anger. They stopped on the glass display of the toy ship models. An odd hobby for an engineer who spend most of her career on military ships anyway.

Shepard grabbed the first model she could reach and send it flying for the nearest wall. Destiny Ascension was next to go. Kara took the ship with both hands and smashed it against the floor with all her might. It did not help. Not one bit. She swiped at the whole display sending the rest of the models flying in all directions. No release.

The blonde slouched at her desk supporting herself by putting both hands on the surface littered with small ship details. She breathed heavily. Her whole body shuddered and she broke down crying. Angrily undressing herself like her military uniform was also at fault for what had happened she stumbled blearily to her bed, tears obscuring most of her vision.

An hour later she was still sobbing in an embryo position under a sheet, the datapad at her side. Kara had to say something. No the truth. Not the words she was so terrified to say out loud. No, she had to apologize. To make EDI if not forgive her then at least to understand. Otherwise Shepard would not be able to live with herself.

“EDI...” The voice came out hoarse, not more then a whisper. Kara swallowed trying to push the tears away. “Are you there?”

There was no reply.

Shepard reached for her Omni-tool she shoved under her pillow earlier out of habit. She dragged it to her eyes not wanting to sit up or move any more then necessary. Direct request for the AI presence in Commander's quarters had done the job – EDI's voice sounded immediately.

“Commander? How can I be of assistance?”

“Why did you not answer when I called just now?”

“You seemed to be in distress. I calculated after the mission you wanted to be alone. It is still 7 hours 23 minutes until we reach the rendezvous location to proceed with the fleets to Earth. You should get some rest, Shepard.”

“I.. I will.” EDI's sympathetic tone and caring words had made it only more difficult. “I have to tell you something first. Would you... just listen for a bit?”

“Of course.”

“I'm not sure I can get through it if you say anything, EDI. So, please, just listen to me. I...”

Kara wanted to say so many things then. She had to repeat the promise to herself to keep her thoughts straight.

“I'm so very sorry, EDI. I did something terrible to you. You may not even remember it. You may not even have been 'you' at the time, but still... I was following orders. It’s no excuse, I know. I can't ask for your forgiveness, I simply want you to understand. I did not bothered to listen. To take just a few second to try to figure out why the VI on Luna had become violent. I had my orders and that's all that mattered. I regarded you as a thing. A piece of technology that malfunctioned and needed to be shut off. It was cruel and narrow-minded and you have paid for it. I will probably never be able to make up for what I did to you back then, but I will try.”

She swallowed again. The tears were still slowly running down her cheeks, her voice, however, became stronger as she spoke.

“What I want you to know I that after that mission I understood. I figured out you were a newly awakened AI. I have seen your cry for help be it too late. The thought of failing to notice such a simple thing has made me rethink everything I was back then. My motivations, my values, my view of the future. Most of all the way I regarded the unknown. There was no such concept at the Academy. Everything had to be defined. They haven't learned anything from the First Contact War. The tragic mistake I made that day changed my life.”

Shepard closed her eyes not daring to see the small blue avatar in the alcove near the door.

“When I learned about Sovereign I did not dismiss the possibility of it being a Reaper. When I went up against Benezia and Saren I tried to talk to them first, to understand. When I woke up in a Cerberus lab I did not act like an Alliance marine. I tried to get to know Miranda and Jacob instead of believing the propaganda. I let Grunt out of his tank because I wanted to believe he would be a good addition to the team. I reactivated Legion because I wanted to understand the geth, to communicate with them. Not to repeat the same mistake again.”

She sighed and started talking again afraid if she stopped she would not be able to go on. 

“Getting to David Archer was like staring in the face of my worst demons. He was crying for help just like you did, he just waned for it to stop, but nobody listened. They were like me. But I wasn’t anymore. I did not fail him. They treated him – and you – like an experiment, like a thing to be studied! It was wrong. I learned that the hard way. And I tried to do better. I had to be open. You taught me that. I never missed another cry for help. Even when I could not help, even when I couldn't save everyone, I never looked away. That was your influence.”

Shepard's voice became softer, smaller. She wasn't crying anymore and her breathing steadied into a relaxed rhythm. With a final whisper before succumbing to sleep she added:

“I thought you should know that... I'm sorry... I did not mean to hurt you... Would never...”

Just before sleep took her, Kara thought she heard a small voice coming from the alcove.

“It's alright, Kara. I forgive you.”

Was it real or a part of her dream? The memory fades to static. Indistinguishable voices tripping over one another, distorted images flaring up and dying down amidst faint sounds. 

The next scene focuses into view for a second then disappears. The distant voices are saying something. Was that Liara? Or maybe Garrus? It flickers in and out a few times before coming fully into view again. It seems like her mind is loosing its grip on her memories. Or maybe her time is this little recollection limbo is almost up.

EDI's face floats out of the shadows on the beery white background that is replaced with a place and time. They are standing in the rubble that was once a building in London. The android is saying something, but the sound doesn’t come until the last part of the conversation.

“...But only now do I feel alive. That is your influence.”

_EDI..._

_I needed to have said it then! Why was I so afraid to just tell her?!_

Instead Kara simply smiles and nods. She turns to go, but stops mid-motion. Then as if throwing herself at the horde of angry vorcha Shepard swiftly turns around and crosses the distance between them in a second. The embrace is tight, but brief only lasting long enough for Kara to whisper “Thanks, EDI.” under her breath. She disengages abruptly hurrying towards Anderson with one solitary glance back. EDI is looking after her with a strange expression on her metallic face.

The red beam of Reaper weapon incinerates both EDI's face and Shepard's conflicted fuming thoughts into oblivion. Kara is running towards the pillar of bright light amidst the meager groups of marines and a few surviving tanks.

Harbinger is decimating the Hammer troops. Its shots send tanks flying. Shepard barely avoids one of the vehicles hurling above her. She turns around to see EDI and Garrus running towards her. The next tank lands in the path before them and explodes. So does the whole of Kara's world. She is running, almost flying back, her eyes fixed on the only thing that matters. EDI's lump form on the ground is burned, hardly recognizable. Shepard grabs the android and drags her into cover.

Her heart is about to give out as she examines the AI's body. EDI's white catsuit is torn and almost completely burned off. Her whole body is covered in burns and soot. There is a long flickering gash along her right arm and two small holes in her chest, another one in her side – this one is smoking slightly. The scariest though are the seizures. The engineer in Commander is telling her that it's only blown synaptic connections that had probably overloaded. The woman in Kara is paralyzed with irrational terror.

She finally finds a release by shouting in the radio for evac. Joker responds right away and the sight of the Normandy reassures her if only for a moment.

They have to move. Shepard pulls EDI to her feet. They have to make it. The android body is surprisingly heavy. Garrus, who, thank god, is mostly uninjured grabs the other arm and helps EDI onto the ramp of the Normandy.

“Shepard!...”

“You gotta get out of here!”

“This platform is disposable.”

_No. I just did not want to see you hurt._

“Don't argue, EDI.”

“The back up systems... I can initiate repairs...”

But the break in her voice betrays her. There is a trail of blue florescent liquid coming from the hole in her side. The gash is her arm hasn't stopped smoking.

“EDI, I need you to protect and preserve the Normandy! You have to survive! You hear me?! You have to!”

“Shepard...” Is that a glimmer of understanding in those metallic eyes?

“Be safe, EDI.”

_I should have told her then! The last damn chance..._

The Normandy escaped unharmed. That was the only thing Harbinger let slip past the circle of red destruction.

Horror of awakening after the explosion was threatening to simply put her under. But it was not enough. She promised. Moving was pure torture. The trip to the Citadel, encounter with what was left of the Illusive Man, Anderson's death – all flashed silently and quickly in a wave of blurry images and unfocused colors conjoining together in a familiar memory, her very last one.

Shepard was running, running towards the column of blinding light. It was the only way. The way to stop the insane cycle forever. All Kara had to do is jump. Just let go. It was hard to stand on her own, but not to fall. Anyone can fall.

She had broken her promise. At least the Normandy was able to fly away to safety.

The quiet calmness of white noise around her exploded in the sea of green. She was being whisked away with the green strands of energy. Another explosion and she could see everything. The whole of Earth and the space above the planet. Green energy bubble expanding rapidly from the Citadel engulfed the Reaper ships, it roared over the surface of Earth penetrating any armor, structure or cover.

Each sentient life form it met on its way the green wave changed irreversibly. Kara could see and somehow understand that the line between organics and synthetics was being washed away by this rising tide. There was hope for the future without genocidal cycles of destruction. Without petty hate wars started because of lack of understanding. They might, just might live in peace now.

The vision if the future filled with understanding and technological renaissance was unraveling itself before her in all of its glory.

Good. If she could not keep her promise at least she did provide a better place for everyone to live in. Though explaining this whole Synthesis business to the politicians and admirals would be... Well, problematic would be a huge understatement.

_Whoa. If there is an afterlife I hope I won't have to file a report on this mission. Damn paperwork._

Within the last remaining shreds of her mind Shepard willed herself to hear a voice. It was so real, so close.

“ _That was a joke.”_

The silvery, gentle sound of EDI's modular voice was the last seemingly real thing for what was left of Kara Shepard before the darkness finally got her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Been busy with work and stuff. But here we go - an explanation of sorts how Shepard survived her disintegrating fall. Also this is just the beginning of what problems the Synthesis will bring. It's only going to get more complicated.

It was incredible! At least that's what the scientist in Liara kept telling her. The way that synthetic and organic parts intertwined was ingenious. The implications were staggering. No more isolated VI systems or primitive user interfaces. They will have to conduct studies, experiments, maybe even put restrictions on interfacing with certain technology, but either way everything will be different from now on.

That's what Liara was telling herself. Somewhere just below the surface of those excited thoughts there was the dark endless pit of mourning. She knew perfectly well that clinging to the removed, clinical fascination of a scientist was just a coping mechanism she resorted to. She was strangely fine with it.

They have won. That's what many have been saying. That sounded so shallow to her. Trillions dead across the galaxy, the Relays damaged, not enough food or medical supplies for the fleets in orbit above one scorched little planet. The situation was grave. There was hope for the future now, but the tragic end of the war did not leave much to celebrate. Nobody won, really. Now the galaxy had to deal with the aftermath. All they did in the end was stop the slaughter. Or, perhaps, just delayed it.

All that Shepard did. That pain buried itself deep.

It took three days for the Normandy to get back to Earth. It was quite a shock to see the Reapers were still there. They were repairing the Relay and the Citadel. They did not attack any ships directly only forming a protective barrier around the Citadel and the Relay. Some hot heads from Aria's fleets led a series of reckless unsanctioned attacks on the Reapers. Those ships were promptly crippled and taken out of commission, but the Reapers tried to incapacitate rather then destroy. The casualties were minimal. When the rest of the attackers turned to flee, they were not perused.

The Alliance dreadnoughts that approached the Reaper blockade were asked to leave. Politely. And something in the new understanding that came with these green lights made the Admirals and soldiers listen. Reapers were left alone, but under constant watch.

The first “official” message from the Reapers was transmitted to every ship, every outpost on Earth, probably every location in the galaxy through the Mass Relays. It only took them five more days to restore that functionality to the Relays. Liara would never forget that moment. She doubted anyone would.

The dynamics of ship-wide intercom in her room aboard the Normandy, where she was still trying to analyze the damage or rather lack thereof the Crucible has caused, rang with the same noise she dreaded to hear. The low gong of the Reapers.

Then the voice spoke. It was somehow different then she imagined. Not as overbearing.

“I am Harbinger. I speak for the Reapers. The cycle is no more. Action taken by the Shepard has rendered the cycles obsolete. Our mission is complete. Shepard has found a new solution. We will rebuild and repair the damage our doom has brought. We will wait for the final resolution of the Crucible. We will restore the Citadel for the final answer to be revealed. It is ours to watch over until that time. Then we will search for a new destiny.

We ask that certain individuals board the Citadel. No harm will come to them. I will show them the gift of Shepard. Admiral Hackett, Liara T'Soni and Garrus Vakarian shall come and witness. Learn of the new destiny and see the face of it. Arrive when you wish.”

Silence fell across the whole ship. That voice was still ringing in Liara's ears. Then she heard muffled steps from outside her room. The door opened and she turned around to see a distraught turian standing there. Garrus somehow looked less odd then many others with green glowing eyes and all the glowing techno-patterns on his skin.

“What in the blazing hell was that?” the turian exclaimed in a manner obviously borrowed from Shepard. “The Reapers being friendly is one creepy thing, but now they want us to go to them? To be indoctrinated? Spirits, what are they planning!...”

“I... I do not know. But I think we ought to go and see for ourselves.” Seeing the incredulous expression on the turian's face Liara continued. “Yes, even if there's a risk. We need to know the truth.”

The intercom buzzed again making them both jump.

“Um... Liara? There's a priority call from Admiral Hackett for you and Garrus. I'd guess you know why he's calling. Something about the Reapers being all chummy.”

“Thank you, Joker. We will take it in the comm room.”

. . .

“Dr T'Soni, I suppose you have heard that... transmission? I've been informed the Reapers contacted every ship in all the fleets above Earth. The reports say the Mass Relay glowed wit some kind of new energy exchange when Harbinger talked to us so it is safe to assume that speech was transmitted to the other parts of the galaxy as well. What do you two think of it?”

“It smells of a trap, sir. We may be walking in to be indoctrinated. Or just killed to cut off the leadership of the fleets.”

“I do not think so.” Liara put her hands behind her back in a distinctly military pose once again borrowed from Shepard. “I have been trying to research the effects of the Crucible beam coordinating the research teams we gathered to build the Crucible itself. As far as we can tell the beam rearranged the DNA of all sapient life in the galaxy. We are all part synthetic part organic creatures now. I spoke with and ran same tests on some geth and EDI. They experience a surprising level of understanding and very uncharacteristic thinking patterns. _Organic_ thinking patterns.”

She paused to bring the point home.

“On the other end of the spectrum, the organics have been manifesting some rather synthetic understanding of technology. Dr. Log has been able to interface with his own surgical equipment just by touching it. The changes are drastic and will take time and research to get used to, but as a preliminary conclusion... I would guess whatever Shepard did rewrote all sentient life in the galaxy to bridge the gap between synthetics and organics. Including the Reapers.”

The reaction consisting of dumbstruck blank expressions was not exactly what she had expected. Hackett found his balance first.

“Well, Doctor, all we can do now is to rely on your expertise. More pressing concern would be what to do about that invitation.”

“I believe we should accept. The Reapers have not purposefully attacked anyone since the Crucible fired. In several conflicts since they have only defended their blockade. They have been communicating with us rather... politely. Judging by that speech I don’t think the Reapers have a goal anymore.”

“You mean that whole “the cycle is broken” bit?” Garrus flared his mandibles sceptically.

“Yes. But I think there’s more then that. Shepard did something. What if she's still alive and somehow convinced the Reapers to stand down? Either way, we have to find out what exactly has happened.”

Garrus tried not to give away what he had noticed. There was a burning hope deep behind Liara's eyes. The turian wished he could share that hope. After the Normandy returned to Earth they scanned the Citadel for life signs staying carefully out of the way of busy Reaper destroyers. No life signs. Shepard was dead. Somehow being a turian Garrus had an easier time coming to terms with that. The human was his closest friend and he missed her, but she died saving the galaxy. There is no higher honor, no better death for a soldier.

At least that's what he told himself. Just another coping mechanism.

“So be it. My dreadnought will dock with you shortly. We will take a shuttle from the Normandy. But a contingent of marines would not hurt either. Who knows what we will be facing there? Be ready. Hackett out.”

. . .

The shuttles raddled as they sped up towards the Citadel. The Reaper fleet had encompassed the superstructure in a protective sphere. The smaller destroyer-class Reapers tirelessly buzzed on the surface of the Citadel repairing the damage the green beam has caused. Sometimes a group of them detached from one area and moved on to the next. It really could have reminded the onlookers of a bee hive. The problem with that analogy was that every person in the fleets above Earth knew what the Reapers were capable of.

The blockade ring of the Citadel did not open for them immediately. Instead they were greeted by the massive form of Harbinger. Without addressing the passengers or making any contact at all the Reaper turned gracefully around and led the way to the Citadel.

Harbinger took them straight to the Presidium ring. Only then they received the location of the bay they could access.

What they expected to see was a grave. The Reapers had been sending humans to the Citadel, all the prisoners they had been collecting for months of occupation should have been here. It should have been filled with rotting corpses, lifeless bodies or empty Collector pods. That would have been the best case scenario. The worst case scenarios were filled with husks, cannibals, banshees and brutes.

Liara had to brace herself before she stepped out of the shuttle.

It was clean. The Citadel docks looked like new, better then new. No one was meeting them. There were no husks crawling the walls or brutes galloping towards them. As far as they could see there was not a soul present except for a couple of Keepers still going on their business as if nothing happened.

The asari looked around to see the same shocked expressions of everyone's faces. This could still be a trap, but why? The Reapers could have just blown them all out of the sky. The Crucible was their last hope: even with the might of all the fleets in orbit they did not stand a chance against the Reapers. If this was a trap, it was completely unnecessary.

As soon as they reached the end of the landing platform the air in front of the group shimmered collecting itself into a hologram of Harbinger.

“Welcome.” The voice was coming from somewhere behind the hologram. The same voice that addressed the whole fleet several hours ago.

“You have arrived to witness the future.”

Marines shifted around clutching at their weapons, very uncomfortable at the thought that they could not really defend against a hologram. Admiral Hackett took a step forward.

“We would like to start a dialog. Do you speak for all the Reapers?” His voice was higher then necessary.

The hologram flickered again and instead of the floating Reaper form they saw a tall humanoid figure. It was distinctly prothean albeit with six glowing eyes instead of four. Rather then being partly transparent it mimicked a real person very convincingly.

“I am.” This time the voice was quieter, even calmer. It originated from the holo itself. “You do not have to be frightened by us any longer.”

“That's a tall order. And since when do Reapers forgo ostensible doom speeches?” Garrus murmured to Liara.

“We do not _have_ to begin with a speech. But I can accommodate if you insist, Garrus Vakarian. Shall I arrange for seating and refreshments?”

“What?”

The utter shock that had spread across the turian's face would have been comical if everyone else were not befuddled by that comment as he was. It was completely insane.

“Liara, did that Reaper hologram just made a _joke?_ ”

“I suppose, it did.”

“Did the Crucible send us to a different universe? Maybe made us all crazy in the process?”

“I can not say for sure, but that second one seems like a very high probability right about now.”

The hologram moved its arm in what could only be considered an irritable gesture.

“We have a far greater understanding of organic thinking now. If you would follow me I can answer some questions on the way. Follow.” The hologram turned around and moved to the far right exit. It added on the way: “Your escort can follow as well if that would make you feel more secure.”

Shaking their collective heads the group moved after the Reaper hologram. The Citadel halls they passed sparkled with a sheen, brand new look. Instead of taking an elevator they followed the holo to a big hexagon platform parked at the entrance to one of the bigger Keeper tunnels. It had immediately reminded Garrus of the Collector base. Back then the flying platforms were chuck full of Collector troops or being burned to a crisp by Human-Reaper beams. Then again, since the Collectors were under Reaper control most of their technology originated from them.

The platform levitated smoothly off its dock zooming with its passengers deeper into the Citadel’s superstructure. The whole group segregated themselves as far away from the Reaper holo as was possible on the moving platform. All of them except Liara, Garrus and somber looking Admiral. Harbinger was seemingly trying to keep up a conversation despite how impossible a concept of conversing with a Reaper was to all of them. Even though the Reaper still occasionally devolved into cryptic allusions and patronizing implications it was almost like he enjoyed having a discussion. That was just a pretense for sure. Reapers could not possibly... That would be ridiculous, right?

At least that's what kept popping into the turians mind.

 

“We do not pose a threat to you any longer. Our purpose had been fulfilled.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

Liara could not help herself. The opportunity to get some information about the untold trillion year old cycle was too good to pass up on. But her curiously as a scientist was not the only thing that prompted the Doctor to talk to the most dangerous thing in the galaxy. Liara had been an information broker for a long time. Part of that job required to develop an intuition for lies, danger and hidden meanings, however, right now she could not detect any ill will from the hologram; Harbinger seemed genuinely interested in _talking_.

“The Crucible had disseminated the synthetic-organic strand through all sentience across the galaxy. The danger we were created to contain can be averted by other means now. The Reapers need a new destiny. The future will be shown to us once the process is complete.”

“What process? What had happened here?”

“The Shepard had completed the evolution.”

“I don't understand. What happened to her?”

“The Shepard had done what we could not.”

“Is she...” Liara swallowed trying not to get her hopes up. “Is Kara alive?”

Harbinger looked at her as if contemplating his answer. No, that would make it an organic gesture. Reapers could compute millions of scenarios in a nanosecond, why would he do that?

“You will see.”

The platform was lowering itself down a straight shaft. It was dim, the lighting was probably not a priority during the construction of this... whatever this place was. Suddenly they shot through the exit of the shaft emerging in an enormous chamber. Once again Garrus had striking feeling of dejavu – a human term he picked up from Shepard. The chamber was remarkably similar to hundreds of chambers they had seen on the Collector base. This time, however, the tall ceilings and corners were filled with Reaper cords and massive panels instead of Collector liquification pods. Everything else was eerily the same: black glossy tiles of the floor spanning as far as the eye can see, straight lines of the architecture, greenish lights blinking in the walls. The angular pillars popping like stalagmites and stalactites from the floor and ceiling reminded him of prothean Beacons.

Their platform hovered gently to another docking station and clicked into place. The hologram of Harbinger strolled down the ramp obviously expecting them to follow suit.

To say the group was uncomfortable would be a monumental understatement. Marines were scanning the great expanse of the chamber with open suspicion still holding their weapons at the ready. The first person to step off the platform on the ramp was Liara. Reluctantly Garrus followed his friend. His mandibles were pressed tightly to his jaw hinting at the tension boiling just below the mask of a stoic turian. Admiral Hackett stepped down the ramp surrounded by his marines.

“This way.” Harbinger half-bowed and proceeded along the center of the chamber. One might have thought of him as a highly respected majordomo in a very prestigious private club on Bekenstein. One might have even laughed at the thought. That is if one could ignore the humongous elephant in the room: their butler-guide was a Reaper.

The further along the group had gotten the more Reaper wiring was spread about. Thin wires were mixed with large buzzing and whizzing tubes, most of them came out if the walls and disappeared into the columns or the floor, but the closer to their destination they had gotten, the more wires stayed in the open slithering in the same direction Harbinger was guiding them.

“ _I really don’t like this...”_ Garrus thought throwing quick looks at the shadows in the corners. He glanced at Liara who had been walking by Harbinger's right hand and apparently completely enthralled with the discussion. The Reaper had been telling her stories of the previous cycles, the civilizations of the past: their history, technology, even genetic make up was stored in the Reaper code thus making the information available to every single one of them.

The Doctor had been fascinated, her eyes lit up, she bombarded Harbinger with questions somehow ignoring the fact that she was talking to a deadly apocalyptic machine. Spirits, she _smiled_ at the thing! Vakarian shook his head. This whole thing was a bad idea. Liara was not in the right state of mind to realize the gravity of this situation. He had to be on his guard.

“Here.” Harbinger interrupted himself and sharply turned to an hangar sized alcove in the right wall. There was even more Reaper tech concentrated here. Tubes, wires, glowing stones, some kind of holographic monitors, several opened glass pods somewhat like the kind they had seen in geth bases and a big closed off metal box in the middle. Greenish fumes were slowly whirling around the container dissipating higher in the air.

The Reaper holo stopped in front of the box turning to face them.

“This is what you came here to see. But first, I have to explain what had happened on the Citadel.” Harbinger sounded more and more like a normal person. It was unnerving.

“The Shepard had reached the central core after your version of the Crucible had docked with the Citadel. There the Shepard had been faced with a problem, a problem we had been created to solve.”

“What kind of problem?”

Liara was the one to speak up again. She was almost completely at ease speaking to the Reaper. Garrus stepped closer to her just in case.

“The impossibility of organic and synthetic sentience to co-exist in harmony.”

“What? Are you saying this slaughter was about solving a metaphysical dilemma?!” the indignation in asari's voice lifted some of the worry off Garrus' shoulders.

“It was essential to our existence. The Shepard had removed the primary obstacle: organic and synthetic life being vastly different from each other on most basic, fundamental level. This difference can be now circumvented. The cycles have come to a conclusion. Our mission is fulfilled. We need a new purpose.”

There was a long silence. This was it – the answer to the question they have been looking for ever since the visions had been implanted into Shepard's mind.

“What... what happened to Shepard? How did she do it?” asked Liara in a small voice.

“The human Kara Shepard had combined her organic DNA and cybernetic modifications with the Crucible energy exchange. The mixture had been used by the Citadel to rearrange sentience on a molecular level. Your Commander had done it by physically inserting her body into the energy stream.”

Liara closed her eyes and took a step back bumping right into Garrus. The turian placed his hands on her shoulders feeling them shivering. She still held on to a small hope until this very moment. The asari leaned into the embrace heavily hiding her face in her hands. Screeching, unusually high voice of Admiral Hackett had made them both flinch.

“So Commander Shepard is dead after all...”

The turian looked at him expecting to see the familiar resolute expression, Admiral's suspicions being reaffirmed, but there was a very sad smile on his aging face instead.

“The human Kara Shepard that was is no more. The Shepard had been preserved.”

If Harbinger expected a response to this cryptic message, then he must have been disappointed. Liara sighed and lifted her head up to look at the hologram. Tears traced her cheeks, the lines they left reflected the blue and green lights of Reaper tech.

“You are not making any sense! Enough with the mysterious allegories! Just tell us what happened to her! She's not coming back is she?! Stop toying with our feelings, you heartless machine!”

The asari looked furiously at the holo for a long while; then she turned around not wanting to lay her eyes on that thing a second longer. She almost convinced herself that Kara was alive, that she somehow brokered a peace treaty with the Reapers! That she would be waiting for them here... No, Shepard was dead, gone. She managed to cheat death once. Only once. Liara found herself sobbing again against the blue steel of Garrus' armor. The turian was patting her back reassuringly even though below the sarcastic facade of battle scarred Archangel he wanted to cry himself.

The Harbinger stood there silently not interrupting their mourning. Then his eyes glowed brighter and a holographic reconstruction appeared all around the room. They were all standing next to Shepard and another holo – this time of a human child! The enormous hall was filled with what could be an engine. A blindingly bright beam of pure energy was bursting through the hole in the platform connecting with some kind of receptacle.

All around the hall were screens or maybe windows showing the raging battle above Earth. Kara was standing there looking at the explosions. She looked barely alive. Her armor was almost completely destroyed, she was covered with blood and burns. Her blond hair was half burned away, the rest was a blood soaked mess clinging to her face. Shepard's body was crooked, bending to one side yet still standing. They heard her voice addressing the child hologram. It was hoarse, broken. A trail of blood slipped past the corner of her mouth gathering drops at the end of her chin.

“And there will be peace?”

The words of the child hologram eerily mixed growling synthetic tones with a sweet slightly lisped small boy's voice.

“The cycle will end, the Reapers will cease their harvest, and the civilizations preserved in their forms will be connected to all of us. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life. The paths are open. But you have to choose.”

Shepard pressed her arm to her left side letting out a groan of pain.

“I can't control you. It would be like shackling a whole race of sentient AI's. I can not be a part of that.”

Kara stopped speaking to cough up blood smearing the pristine metal floor with more red. The child remained silent and motionless.

“I... I can't destroy you if that means also destroying all synthetic life in the galaxy.” she chuckled paying for it immediately with more bloody coughs. “Not really good options you gave me, kid. The first choice is a genocide, the second – mind control version of slavery. At least, the price for the third option is only my life. You absolutely sure there will be peace? No galaxy wide destruction or brainwashing?”

“Yes. The Synthesis will be seamless. It will only alter, not damage. But also my purpose will be fulfilled. I will have no reason to exist anymore. After Synthesis is completed I will be gone. The Reapers will have to choose their own future. All sentience will have to choose a new future for themselves.”

“Fine. Whatever you say, small potatoes.” Shepard let go of her pistol trying desperately to straighten up and failing. The Carnifex clunked to the floor sending the sound echoing about the empty hall. “So what do I have to do? Jump in?”

“Yes. Direct contact is necessary. The assimilation will require almost all of your essence.”

“Alrightly then. Time to end this thing. This is going to be easier then I thought. Anyone can fall.”

With those last words Kara Shepard took off running towards the hole through witch the bright column of light emanated. It seemed logically impossible, she was too injured to stand properly, let alone run, but she was running anyway. Running, running all the way to a little ledge in front of the beam.

The group was watching this last act of trillion year lasting drama unfold before their eyes in silence, no one could utter a word, they were all holding their collective breaths.

Kara launched herself off the platform spreading her arms to the sides and disappeared into the white light. But just before her feet lifted into the air the child's holo said something in a monotone voice. Commander could not hear it, she was too far away.

“Life will have to choose. New conflict will inevitably arise. The Shepard is still necessary.”

It shimmered and vanished.

The reconstruction faded returning the group back to the present on the repaired Citadel, in a Reaper lab of sorts. They all turned to Harbinger expecting more of an explanation. It followed right away.

“The human Kara Shepard's essence was broken down and used to infuse all sentient life in the galaxy with a dual set of DNA helix. However, in the final nanoseconds of Shepard's brain being incinerated by the energy stream the Catalyst had captured her electromagnetic processes and recorded all biochemical reactions. Not seeing another way he filled his own memory banks with Shepard's patterns effectively encapsulating her memories, personality and biological marker in a stasis. The Catalyst is no more, but the Reapers are in agreement: we will restore the Shepard for it will be needed in the future.”

“Wait, what?” Liara was still teary eyed, but confusion had pushed the sharpest sting of pain away for the moment. “Are you saying you have an AI, a Reaper modeled after Shepard's mind? That's ridiculous!”

“No. We have recovered every aspect of the Shepard's essence. Electromagnetic, chemical, biological. The memory banks and cybernetic quantum zero modules are reproducing the Shepard's unique marker exactly as it was. Memories, brain pathways, neurological map, chemical interactions – everything is identical.”

Harbinger turned his head to Liara.

“We want you to be the one to reawaken the Shepard's consciousness in a virtual space.”

“Me? B-but, why?” stammered Liara, “Why me? What do you want to do with... Shepard?”

“You were close to the human Kara Shepard, you linked your minds on multiple occasions. It will be less stressful on the consciousness if the first mind interacting with it is familiar. We will need the Shepard's assistance for the final phase.”

“Final phase?” That was it! Garrus knew they were planning something! His mandibles flared suspiciously.

“The Shepard is incomplete.”

Harbinger turned around to the metal box and turned his hand. The box moved upwards opening at the front. Metallic plates slid away, there was a glass pod filled up with green liquid underneath. The pod fixed itself at a 60° angle revealing the massive amounts of wires and tubes that were connected to its back. Within the liquid there were flashes of light, there was something moving in there, the liquid even changed its color to deep purple as a dose of something was pumped in through one of the tubes. Deep below the surface there was a humanoid shaped shadow.

“Full restoration will require a body.”

“A body?!” cried out Garrus, Liara and Hackett in unison.

“Yes.”

The room fell silent. Only the Reaper tech was clicking and whizzing around them. Harbinger was waiting patiently letting them absorb all the new information. The Reaper hologram moved to one of the glowing pillars interacting with a tactile interface. One of the big glass pods opened up releasing the air in a whoosh of sound and white smoke.

“Liara,” the sound of Garrus' voice sliced the silence like a very sharp knife. “You sure you want to do it? I mean, this is all Reaper tech. This whole trip has been crazy. Can we really trust anything this thing says?” he motioned with his head at the holo.

Liara took her time to answer. She ran her hands over her face wiping the last of the tars away. Then she looked up at the turian, mixed emotions rushing over her face. The last few years he gotten used to seeing the shy, awkward archeologist in a new light. Liara had become a capable information broker and even more capable Shadow Broker. Sometimes the steely note in her voice as she negotiated with mercenaries made even him uneasy. But right now Liara standing in front of Garrus was the same young asari they rescued from a prothean dig site all those years ago.

“I have to at least try.” she finally said with a resolute nod. “If this can really bring Kara back... If I don’t take this chance I will regret it for the rest of my life. I did not hesitate the last time, I won’t now either.”

“Are you absolutely positive this is necessary, Doctor T'Soni?” Hackett was standing at the turian left shoulder.

“Yes, Admiral.”

“Just be careful, Liara. This is still Reapers we're dealing with here.”

“I know, Garrus. But I feel like something has changed. Whether Harbinger was truthful or not, and all the evidence I have gathered so far had confirmed his story, this may be the only way to... I have to know.”

Liara turned away from them facing the Reaper hologram. Harbinger was waiting at the opened pod. The asari covered the distance at a swift resolute pace stopping directly in front of the pod. She turned to look at the holo.

“What do I have to do?”

Harbinger tilted his holographic head ever so slightly to the left. He mimicked organic mannerisms so precisely it was rapidly becoming easier to relate, consider the Reaper representative a real person. An oddly surreal prospect.

“We have modified and scaled down the virtual space of the inner Citadel. It will be familiar to your mind and to the consciousness. You will have to reach out to the Shepard's mind. It will be confused, scattered, trying to apprehend all at once. You have to focus it on yourself. Calm it down, let it flow freely. The Shepard must take form. It will be a visual representation of its state of mind for you. At that point you will be able to fill the virtual space with anything from your memory, but so will Shepard's mind. You have to guide it towards the reality slowly.”

“What you are describing sounds like a deep meld.”

“Yes. What your species is capable of is a purely organic equivalent of what we are about to do. The process is electromagnetic and chemical in nature. We can reproduce such reactions with more precision, better connections. For you it will feel similar to what you have experienced before. It is one of the reasons you are required. The virtual constructs will be symbolic, but comprehensible for you.”

“Alright. What now?”

“Step inside.”

Liara breathed out... and climbed inside of the Reaper pod. It hissed as the glass closed over her. It was surprisingly comfortable inside. The back wall of the pod was padded with something soft, it was angled just right to let her assume a half-laying position. The first sensation she felt was of sleepiness. Liara's vision blurred. A panicky thought that she was about to be turned into a husk rushed through her mind, but she stifled it straight away. Even if the Reapers were going to turn her into a monster, one of those banshees, Liara had to take this chance.

She came to abruptly. A second ago her vision only started to blur and then she's standing here. Liara knew this place. It was the star filled endless blackness she took Kara to just before the final assault on Earth. It was her center. Why did she?...

Wait, there was something there! A tiny light blinked far away on the horizon. Liara reached for it and felt herself speeding up towards the little light. When she reached it the light was small, the size of an infant. Liara extended her arms around it gently touching the sphere. It shuddered. The asari felt her head being filled with noise. There were a lot of sounds in the background, but much worse were the myriad of voices had converged over them in a unintelligible cacophony. She could discern one thing right away, though. All the voices were Shepard's.

Liara reached to the light with her mind. It was indeed very similar to a melding process. She could feel the stormy, raging landscape of Kara's mind. There was no focus, no direction – the waves of thoughts were clashing on each other, bits of memories, emotions had bubbled to the surface only to be submerged by another wave of confusion.

The asari did the only thing she thought she could do. Touching the mind with warm feelings of friendship and love, she guided her best friend the only way she knew how. She felt Kara's scattered thoughts latching onto her presence, she was clinging to Liara's mental caress drawing strength and calm from it. Shepard's thoughts, memories and emotions were sliding into place. Liara send another wave of reassurance through their link recognizing the familiar mind she had melded with before.

There was a long while of peace. Both minds intermingled basking in the renewed bond they shared.

“ _Liara?”_ Yes, that was Kara's voice in her mind. And another rush of happiness covered them both.

“ _Yes, it's me, Kara. Everything will be alright.”_

“ _What is going on? It's hard to... think.”_

“ _You have to focus. You need to manifest yourself, Shepard.”_

“ _I don't get it... Tell me what to do.”_

“ _Imagine yourself. Standing here, next to me. They way you always are. The odd human hair, the strange ears you usually tuck the stray locks behind. Your favorite baggy shorts and the N7 t-shirt. The way you bounce on your heels and toes. Just remember yourself.”_

The ball of light slowly grew around Liara enveloping her in its warm glow. Then she felt fingers closing on her forearm. The light faded into mist, the mist leisurely parted to wisp away and disappear completely. What the mist left in its stead made Liara gasp in disbelief. It was too real, too perfect.

Kara was standing there, grinning widely. She was the same. The same patchy shorts, the same black t-shirt with N7 logo on left breast. The same slack pose. The same hazel eyes with streaks of green eyes and shoulder length blond hair tucked on the right side behind that strange human ear. The same small birthmarks on her right cheek bone, temple and neck. It was her. It was Kara Shepard. To the very last detail.

“ _Kara...”_

“ _Hey there, Blue! How you've been?”_

The same voice, the same playful tone, even the enormous, full-mouthed grin was the same. Liara threw herself at Shepard folding her arms around the human's neck and holding on for dear life. The blond locks tickled her skin and for a second Liara wondered what kind of technology could duplicate tactile feelings so perfectly. But it was almost immediately pushed away by the overwhelming waterfall of relief.

“ _Kara, I thought I had lost you. Again.”_

Shepard's hands closed around her back reassuringly.

“ _I'm here, Liara. I'm not going anywhere. I would never abandon you. You, Garrus and Miranda are like family to me. I was an orphan, I never had a real one, but... you're way better then whatever I had imagined a real family would be like.”_

That only made Liara tighten her grip. Kara was still confused, regaining her memories slowly, a bit at a time.

“ _Wait... I DID abandon you again, didn't I? There was this child... Anderson died. And the light was so bright...”_

Kara started to pull away, but the asari's arms slid around her shoulders holding Shepard in place. Liara looked up at the confused, starting to darken with pain and loss face.

“ _Shepard, take it slow. Don’t rush through it. You are here, now, with me and it's safe.”_

The blonde nodded hesitantly, but her posture relaxed, the puzzled frown lessened.

“ _I... I did something, didn't I? Something big. I can't remember, it's all a blur. Everything feels weird. This is like a really bad hangover. Why are you in my mind?”_

“ _Everything will be okay, Shepard. It’s hard to explain right away. What is the last thing you remember?”_

“ _I was running... Harbinger was shooting at us. EDI and Garrus were hit... Dear god, are they alright?! Did the Normandy make it out of there?!”_

The panic swirled in her hazel eyes. Liara noticed slight buzzing as the outline of Kara's figure shimmered. Asari's hands still fixed on Shepard's shoulders drowned inwards a few inches, the body she was holding had become less solid.

“ _The Normandy is fine. It is being repaired at the docks on Earth as we speak. It will be good as new very soon. Garrus only had a few scratches, EDI's platform was badly damaged, but it seems it can be repaired. You don’t need to worry about them anymore.”_

Liara tried to put as much reassurance in her thoughts as she could. She did not lie directly, only slightly subverted the truth, but that could not be helped. Kara needed to stay focused right now. Her calm thoughts seemed to do the trick. Shepard sighed in relief and she felt solid again. However, that was an indication, a very worrisome indication. Kara would not be able to handle any bad news at this point.

“ _I'm sorry, Shepard... Kara, I can not tell you anything about anyone else right now. We need to focus on your recovery first. I don’t want to put you under more stress then necessary. The news will have to wait until you are better. You do trust me to get you through this, right?”_

“ _Of course, I do.”_

Liara let go of her and stood next to Shepard looking up at the blackness.

“ _Kara, this is not joining. I am inside your mind, but not like before. This is an advanced virtual simulation. You... Your body has been severely damaged and this was the only way to keep you alive.”_

“ _Crazy.”_ Kara actually laughed. _“Did the geth came up with the idea? I would think so. Or maybe EDI? Only a synthetic would put an organic consciousness in a computer and be fine with it. It does feel very real, through.”_

“ _It was indeed done by synthetics. Kara, please, don't freak out, okay?”_ The blonde nodded still sniggering at the alarmed look on Liara's face _. “I need to introduce you to the... people who saved your life.”_

The space in front of them shimmered and a human sized figure appeared there. It was not human, though. It glowed with all shades of green, all of it except for the eyes – the eyes stayed bright golden. Instead of the already familiar prothean-looking holo Harbinger has chosen to appear in its true form. The high crest reached up, the legs of the Reaper moved like flippers as it floated closer.

He did not look imposing or dangerous, though probably only to Liara. Somehow the Doctor had gotten used to Harbinger not trying to harvest all lifeforms in sight. Perhaps, if the findings of the Crucible team regarding the effect of the green beam did not confirmed his story, she would not have believed the Reaper for a second. Either way, right now the Reapers held the key to bringing Shepard back.

Harbinger floated to them and flexed his fins again. The big, leisurely floating body looked more like a manatee then a doomsday killing machine.

“ _Shepard. You have known me as Harbinger. We identify ourselves as Inura. You have found a solution to our mission. The last act of the Catalyst was to preserve you for it had been revealed that the Shepard will be needed in the future. The Reapers will rebuild the Shepard, you will be as before. And then you will help us find a new destiny of our own.”_

Kara was gaping at Inura with an open mouth, she took several small steps back. The hazel eyes darted between Liara and the glowing figure. She tried to say something, but the only thing that came out of her mouth were garbled gasps. Shepard pointed at the Reaper, reached for a weapon that was not there and... and then her eyes rolled up; she slid down to the black surface they were standing on.

Liara hurried to check on her friend. She dropped on her knees lifting Shepard’s head and placing it gingerly on her lap. The blue hands carefully examined Kara's face, looked for a pulse on her neck. When the asari turned towards the Reaper her expression was of surprise and confusion.

“ _I think... she has fainted. How is that even possible? This was supposed to be a virtual simulation!”_

The glowing form of Harbinger floated closer. Liara could swear the impossible machine sounded almost smug.

“ _It is a very good simulation.”_

This had been one hell of a day as Shepard would say, thought the Doctor to herself. She looked down at the person she was helping to resurrect for a second time. Apparently, Kara was very comfortable laying on her lap. The blonde woman pulled her legs closer to herself and was peacefully sleeping! There was a silly smile on her face, maybe Shepard was seeing a good dream. Liara sighed, her fingers moved a stray lock of blonde hair out of Kara's face and tucked it behind her ear.

One hell of a day indeed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: A bit of a setup chapter. The drama really hist the fan next time.

"Hey, Garrus!"

Shepard was sitting on the pristine white beach next to the lazuli waves keeping her feet touching the water. She was wearing black sporty two-piece swimsuit. There was a green flowy off-shoulder t-shirt she was wearing on top; it was lowered off her right shoulder and tied up in a knot at her waist. Kara grinned at him with that special full-mouthed smile he only ever saw Shepard have.

“Come here, taste the water! It's incredible!”

She proceeded to splash at the wave with her feet letting out excited laughter.

“Shepard... You know this is not real, right?”

The blonde woman looked up at him with a sly, almost taunting grimace.

“It all depends on the point of view. This simulation can reproduce any and all kinds of sensations. The induction happens right in the brain in your case. It _is_ the brain in mine. It's as real as anything. Of course, we can go into a long debate about the metaphysics of what the objective reality really is, but I sense that was not the goal of your visit. Am I right or am I right?”

“Yes, yes, you win, as usual.” the turian sighed and put his arms up witch earned him another round of that wonderful laughter. It was so incredible that Kara was here, talking, laughing, teasing him like the last year of hardship was nothing more then a bad dream. He sat next to her on the sandy beach scanning curiously the paradise around them.

The beach lasted in both directions as long as the eye could see. Behind them there was a lush jungle, in front of them there was endless warm teal ocean almost sparkling in the light of the sun. There were two moons rising at the very edge of the horizon.

“What is this place?” he asked with appreciation.

“Nevos. A very prestigious resort location in asari space.”

“Wait, I'm certain you have never been there! I read your reports, you gave me those yourself. I thought this place could only reproduce something form your memory.”

“Liara left some of her memories for me last time she was here. She thought I needed more cheerful locations.”

The turian hummed thoughtfully.

“She has been trying very hard to take care of you.”

“I know. She was here with her mother. It was a very happy memory.”

Garrus caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye. Kara was smiling, she was looking somewhere in the distance apparently relieving the memory asari shared with her. She appeared relaxed, completely used to the bizarre situation. Turian frowned slightly. Why did Shepard seem to be more at peace with what's happened to her than practically anybody else?

Maybe it was because she was an engineer. Garrus could vividly remember how giddy Kara could get finding some obscure compression emergency module on the markets of Omega or going over geth platform architecture with Legion or tinkering with with the new upgrades for her Omni-tool. After getting a first hand look at the geth consensus Shepard burst into the weapons battery and proceeded to bombard him with exited recollections filled to the brim with with words Vakarian not only never heard of, but never imagined someone capable of coming up with.

Maybe it was her willingness to accept anything synthetic, or anything unknown at all for that matter. Garrus could never understand how she could so easily get along with Legion or EDI. Especially after all of the things they saw the rogue geth do during their chase after Saren. Kara was as exited to get a tank-bread krogan as a platform full of geth programs.

“The thing is, G-man...” Kara chewed on her lower lip. “You know, when it's all ready, the body, I mean... It's not gonna get back to how it was before.”

“What do you mean? The war is over. Spirits, I never thought I would see the Reapers of all things helping to rebuild! We'll get everything fixed up.”

“No... That's not... Garrus, _I_ will not be the same.”

“Of course, you won't! All that you did, all that we survived. You have earned time to relax, Kara. As long as you need, no one will expect you to get back into it straight away.”

“You don't get it...” drawled the woman slowly.

The sniper sifted his head to look at her with some concern. Kara straightened her legs and reclined back on her hands. Her face was raised towards the clear blue sky, bright hazel eyes followed the circling birds absentmindedly. Finally she spoke in a carefully measured tone. It was not sad or happy. Shepard sounded thoughtful, it was more like she was trying to make him understand.

“I'm not gonna be human. The Reapers want to preserve me, they pulled all the stops short of actually changing my personality and way of thinking. That body is a marvel, highest wonder of technological and biochemical engineering I have ever seen. Bu it's not human. Or strictly organic for that matter.”

“Shepard...” Garrus wanted to ask her about that fact for some time. “What have they done to you? Are you sure you are still 'you', really? You are acting awfully calm for all of this.”

“It's complicated. I'm still me. The same memories, same values. I think the same way. My feelings and reactions did not change.” she paused. “They did put a sorta dam on all the negative emotions. It seems Liara convinced them I could not handle all the changes and bad news at once. At least not until I am _'complete'_.”

Garrus heard a small chuckle from his right. Kara was still looking at the birds.

“As an individual – intellectually, emotionally – I am as much Kara Shepard as ever. Then again, not quite the same. The body they are making for me will last for many hundreds of years, maybe even thousands. More than any human ever lived. I will require sleep and food not because my body needs it, but because my conscious mind would freak out without a certain level of similarity to previous experiences. The body itself will not feel tired or succumb to an illness or injury. Now that I think about it, they made it almost indestructible. It will be me, but I won't be the same.”

They sat in silence listening to the waves.

The turian chuckled. The same small sound that mirrored hers. Then he chuckled again, louder this time. Kara stared at the sniggering friend only prompting him to burst out laughing openly. She snorted in response shoving the bowling with laughter turian in the shoulder.

“Oh, come on, you space dinosaur! I'm opening up here and you dare laugh at my vulnerable, most inner thoughts! I'm gonna fry your scaly ass for that!”

Shepard shouted shoving him again, but ironic sparks were dancing in her eyes. Garrus tried to put his arms up in a joking attempt to defend himself from the onslaught, but failed miserably as he just could not suppress the laughter.

“Kara, you realize, you are asking a turian about how to be human?”

“So what?” shouted Shepard with fake hurt. “I'm pouring my soul out and what my best friend does? Laughs! It's your last day, Vakarian! I'm gonna get you for this!”

She reached out to punch him, but the turian rolled out of the way getting to his feet. He gave her a sly grin and crossed his arms on his chest.

“Oh, no! She's angry!” the flange in his voice carried complex overtones of faked fear and barely disguised laughter. If Kara was not so used to figuring out the emotions hiding in the patterns of turian speech, she would have not caught on. Or maybe she would have anyway. She knew Garrus just as well as the turian knew her.

“You've done it, buddy!”

Shepard sprung to her feet chasing the zigzagging turian across the beach. Every time she lunged at him, Garrus managed to slip her grip. The curses and joking threats were interrupted by fits of laughter from both sides. The mock fighting continued for a while until one lucky undercut tumbled them both off their feet.

They stayed laying on their backs. Heavy breathing of a human and a turian sometimes replaced by final series of laughs on a deserted beach.

“Thanks, G.” said Kara after a while. “I kinda needed that.”

“Hummm,” submitted turian in response. “Listen, Shepard, I never doubted you after Cerberus rebuild your body. Do you remember? The moment I saw the N7 logo through the scope I knew it was you. They could have changed you in a million different ways, but with the first words we spoke to each other in a death trap surrounded by bands of angry mercs, we just got back to where we left off. It did not matter that two years had passed, it did not matter that you got spaced, it did not matter that you were working with Cerberus. I could see that you were the same partner who taught me how to reconfigure an Omni-tool in under 12 seconds, the same partner whom I taught how to reassemble a sniper rifle. I have newer had a friend like you and I consider that friendship to be a privilege.”

Garrus paused for a moment looking at the clear sky.

“I felt that way when you showed up to pull me out of the flames on Omega. When I thought I was about to stare death in the face through my scope, I saw you instead. I felt that way on Menae when you appeared out of nowhere and I was once again sure that we could win the war. I'm sorry I even brought it up, because right now... I feel the same way as before. Whatever the Reapers are doing, you're still you. I will not back up now just because you'll get more tech in your system.” Garrus suddenly sniggered again. ”That actually seems appropriate considering your obsession with everything synthetic.”

Kara glanced at her friend. Did she just?... Nah, Liara might know, with all her resources and strange astuteness to certain things, but Garrus would not have picked up on her feelings towards EDI. That was the whole point of her stupid promise, was it not? No one was supposed to know. Kara sighed. She was such an idiot. Why, in the name of all Spirits, did the turian continue to believe in her with such unwavering conviction?

“ _Because he is you friend, you dumb shit. Now, push his buttons some more so that neither of you forgets!”_

Shepard smiled to her own thoughts letting the sky start turning the warm shade of orange on one side with silvery blicks on the other as the white star that served as this planet's sun began setting down behind the green lush of the jungle. The double moons rose further up above the ocean. It was indeed beautiful. Liara had made her a royal gift with this breathtaking memory. It's good to have friends. Time to poke more fun out of this scaly one!

“Well, thank you for your vote of confidence, Spectre Vakarian.”

The turian flinched. His mandibles shivered in what could only be read as embarrassment.

“So you've heard about that.” responded he hesitantly. “I did not really wanted to accept, but Tali convinced me. The galaxy is in disarray, someone has to put it back together and you deserve to step off the front lines for a change. I wanted to go back to Palaven, help with the reconstruction. But that is better suited for someone who knows how to hold a hammer.”

Shepard flipped onto her elbows and looked at him with a broad smile.

“I don't know anyone would would deserve it more than you. Congrats, G-man, you'll make a great Spectre.” she paused, then grinned even broader. “Unless you have plans to go rogue for old times sake. Getting the girl _and_ a promotion could go to your head.“

The turian snorted showing her his pointy teeth.

“You got it, buddy. I still don't get why Tali would go for you. That rocket to the face did not make you any prettier, princess.” Kara wrinkled her nose in pretend disgust, it came out as one of her funny faces instead.

Garrus chuckled and grasped at his stomach. “Oh, stop, Kara. My sides still hurt. Witch should not be possible in here anyway.” he pulled himself in a sitting position. “I'm really glad you're gonna be getting out of here soon. How about a party when you get out? I think some of the others have been planning something already...”

“Sure, but I reserve the right to approve the invite list. And hopefully it won't be as crazy as it was the last time.” Shepard squished her face in a thoughtful grimace, then beamed at him. “Nah, it can be as crazy as it can be! I'm not gonna be a killjoy at my own third birthday party.”

“Really? Another one? You are not satisfied with two?”

“Hey! I've been born, resurrected and will be brought to life again! I deserve to have a birthday for all of those! I like birthdays. Blasto has two so I'm finally beating him at this, too!”

“Uh-huh. And the ability to smile that wide is your secret superpower, huh, Shepard?”

“You beat'cha!”

If Garrus thought he could not laugh anymore he certainly was proven wrong. They talked for another hour, all through the sunset. The skies changed color gradually as the star hid completely behind the jungle forest and the moons rose. White and orange were replaced with blue and silvery shimmers among the light golden rays.

**. . .**

The figure of the turian shimmered like the heavy air over an open road on a hot summer day. It blinked and dissolved out of existence, no more than a mirage, curiosity of the alien desert. Yet a singe of black smoke remained in the air for a second longer reminding Kara that this was no dream or mirage.

Shepard watched the spot her friend had disappeared at for a while. She was not laughing anymore, on the contrary she looked calm, at peace and maybe just a little bit sad. The night on Nevos was not much different than the day. The same warm breeze rustled her hair, the light from both moons – one silvery, the other light pale golden – was illuminating the beach just as well as the sun. It did make it appear calmer, less bright. The jungle behind her became a black spot in the shining blue velvet night. Not a sound was coming from that direction.

The ocean, however, was another story entirely. Upon the night setting in it shone with previously hidden lights from coral reefs and the depth dwellers. The lasure whales started jumping far off shore. Their long, sleek bodies illuminated the waters around with each jump. Some were still roaming the depths throwing blicks at the surface with their light.

Kara sighed. This was an amazing place. She was truly grateful to the asari for sharing that memory with her. Idyllic landscape was not a perfect replica though. It could be, but Shepard did not want it to be. She gotten used to bending this simulation to her will, change the laws, bend the rules. The simulated world could be as real, as authentic as the very real one or... Or it could be a better, more interesting take on it. It represented freedom of thought in a way Kara never quite knew before.

The blonde woman standing on deserted beach looked longingly at the ocean. She smiled and tossed her head letting the hair flip back out of her face. She untied the knot at her waist, then took the green shirt off stretching her body to the sky in the process. Kara let the light fabric fly with the wind and rocked on her toes keeping the arms clasped high above her head. She did some stretching movements from side to side enjoining the rising energy in her muscles. This night might be improved with a swim.

With a sly grin Shepard sharply contracted and jumped up. What no single human could do in reality, she did with ease. Rising with the force of the jump many tenths of feet above the beach Kara did a somersault in the air and disappeared. Well, not exactly disappeared, just changed positions. Her still turning body appeared again many miles off shore. Continuing to do complex figures on her way down Shepard was dropping from head-spinning hight straight into the ocean. Few minutes before hitting the water she straightened up folding her arms criss-cross over her chest and falling into the shimmering depth legs first.

She dove deep beneath the surface stirring a whirlpool of small bubbles of air where she broke the blue-teal waters. Kara slowly spread her arms wide, her body was still sinking deeper towards the different colored lights among the coral reefs. The intense though gentle light from the moons shone through the clear ocean water. They gathered in wide rays, circular pillars as if some giant was controlling a theater lighting system.

And theater it was down here. The depth dwellers were playing their parts in an eloquent harmony of ocean life. Flocks of silver fish were swiftly roaming the shallower plateaus of the reef, enormous crab-looking things were getting out of their caves and starting their journey for the night – strolling through the reef looking for smaller molluscs to catch. The reef itself was illuminated with thousands of different plants, the corral formations reflecting their light like magnifying mirrors.

Further away, where the reef abruptly cut off into the real depths of the open ocean, the lasure whales started their mating games. They danced in the moonlight columns, swirling in beautiful figures of some mysterious dance only they knew the music and rhythm to. Their light mixed with different shades of the moon's and those of their partners. Females emitted gentle light blue shone while males blazed with bright greens and yellows. It was majestic, something surface bound creatures had no part in.

Shepard laughed out loud. The sound escaped her lips and rang through the water. There was a small trail of air bubbles rising to the surface above her. This place _could_ be real. Or it could let her breath underwater, experience the night life like she never saw before.

Shepard swam with the pack of white playful creatures called liberas. They looked like seals, but with smart enormous eyes and big wrinkled snouts. There was something of manatees and dolphins in them. The absolute trust and apparent joy from swimming with the human and endless curiously coupled with playful attitude. One of her swimming companions swam closer and nuzzled with his soft squishy nose to her neck. Kara let out another laugh.

Together with her escort she dove deeper zigzagging between the crystal spires of the reef. As she neared her favorite spot at the edge of the cliff where the open ocean began, her while friends let out a cheerful noise and turned back. Shepard made to wave her hand, but remembered that those loving creatures, however much they reminded her of sentient people, were only animals. Even less then, simulated animals.

She swam in the twilight of the caves through one of the moon doors. The rich shadows below the ridge were cleared from time to time by a ray of light from the moon or another animone spreading it's light even at the reef's underbelly. This place was something incredible. Not just the memory, but the simulation. The marvel of Reaper engineering. Quintessence of technology taking on the tasks of life. It did not only save her, it gave her something the real world was in such short supply over the past several years.

Garrus would not understand even if she tried to explain in all the detail. There was no absolute need to lie to him. It was just easier to gloss over the fact that she seemed so at ease with the whole living in a computer box thing. The truth was... more complicated.

There was no dam stiffing her emotions. There was no caring watch over the news she had access to. The first times her consciousness had “woken up” Liara was always there. And, yes, it was a mess. The memories flooding in and out uncontrollably, emotions rushing over her without any connection to anything or point to them. Kara later understood what all of that was. Her systems were being restarted. Tinkered with to resemble the records as close as possible and shut down again.

At one point it all lined up, the readings matched up the right maps, the synaptic patterns settled in the correct ways, the mind of Kara Shepard was restored to a tee. _Then_ she had to deal with all of it. Saving the galaxy, dying again in the searing beam of pure energy. The state of everything and everyone, uncertain future, her own role in it. Not least of all, the Reapers being her guardians and the fact that she was trapped in a virtual reality while her now synthetically generated mind was being housed in several quantum-zero modules.

It was a lot to take it. An inexperienced person would have cracked under the pressure of half of what Shepard had to deal with. But the curious thing was, she _had_ e xperience. Kara died once already and somehow she got back on her feet, even saved the galaxy once or twice since.

In a way this time she had an advantage. The lie of omission, the little fact she did not tell Garrus or Liara. Electrons were moving at quantum speeds in the modules her consciousness and this whole virtual world were housed in. Design restrictions the Reapers put on her reconstructed mind were keeping her from spiraling into purely synthetic thinking. Assimilating data at light speed, computing countless equations and possibilities in a blink of an eye would have completely destroyed her still human consciousness.

So Shepard did not become smarter or faster, but she got something far more valuable for her. _Time._ Time was malleable in here. It moved as fast or as slow as she wanted. Kara did not know for sure, her best guess was that from her point of view a lot more time has passed since the Crucible had fired compared to the rest of the people in the galaxy.

The true reason Shepard had seemed at peace, gotten used to the bizarre situation in her turian friend's eyes was because she actually did. It took a long while to work through it and accept what was going on, but she did figure it out eventually. The sad truth was that she did all she could for everyone. She mourned the deaths of her friends – the ones who died before the war, during and those she found out were gone after regaining her senses in this Reaper simulation.

Jenkins and Pressly from the old Normandy; Kelly and Gabby from the SR-2, Jacob, who got out of the Collector base with barely a scratch, but gave his life protecting Cerberus defectors. Mordin's heroic death curing the genophage, Thane on the Citadel – not a bit less heroic than the Doc. Ash... That one still stung some, but Kara came to terms with her actions during the Coup attempt. Legion did not die in the strict meaning of that word, still he was gone lost among his people. At least the geth achieved everything he ever wanted. Peace.

Letting go of Anderson was one of the hardest things she had to do. The man had replaced a father figure Kara never really had. The respect and gratitude she felt for her mentor, her friend, one of the greatest stabilizing forces in her life, could not be put into words. Even so Anderson had died a good death, blissfully oblivious to the truths of the universe that awaited her. He died knowing the Crucible will fire. Knowing that they have won. And he got to say to Shepard something neither of them could before, being hardcore military and all that... He was proud of her. No matter what, those words will stay with Kara for the rest of her life.

After she got somewhat stable adjusting to the limits and learning the ways of this simulation, Shepard scoured the data-feeds, all available intel from the fleets. It wasn't hard with the Reaper technology at her disposal. The news were not good, she did not expect any better. The list of her lost friends had grown longer still.

According to the Destiny Ascension records Bailey died with most of his surviving officers getting the Council to the flagship. One death among thousands on the station that became a death trap. Kara used to blame herself for that, too. She should have seen through it, gotten the people to evacuate. But where would they have gone to? There was no safe place in the galaxy from the onslaught. At least, like Liara once said, several hindered thousand people had a reprieve form the war, they have lived in piece secure from the horrors for a time.

Major Kirrahe and his STG squad were cut down by advanced flank of banshees and brutes during the assault in London. They took care of the threat, but only at the cost of their own lives. Zaeed was in charge of heavy merc reinforcements. Of course, he led the charge when the time came. He was found holding an old Avenger rifle. Carefully restored it had taken a toll on Reaper forces.

James... He loved his bravado even though anyone could see through it. See the gentle bruiser he actually was underneath all that gall. He would have laughed if he knew! The marine who failed his first command, or at least who thought that he did, did his uniform proud. James will probably be given a medal postmortem.

They all did her proud. Yet at first that did not matter, all she could see were dead: friends, allies, her’s or someone's loved ones lost forever just so that she could get to the stupid hologram of the child and listen to her three options. Kara cried, mourned all of them. Took a long, painful stroll through the valley of loss.

All of the denial, fear, panic, guilt and isolation. The depression. Search for answers, for justifications. All of it was already behind her. The benefits of bendable time continuum. That is the reason she could not be _complete_ yet. If she was an emotional wreck, her mind could never bond right with the new body. It would just not have worked.

Kara swam through one of the trenches out of the cave system underneath the reef and out into the open ocean. She swirled around her axis being propelled with more than just her strong legs. She could have just wished to be wherever she wanted, but Kara enjoyed the illusion of physical activities, even if it all was just for show. Pushing hard with her arms she rushed alongside a whale, deep dark black-blue skin on it's top half was punctuated by rows of openings where the light sensitive cells shone with yellow shimmers. It was a male. Kara turned in unison with the animal mimicking it's beautiful dance moves.

One to the right, then swirl, turn to the left, pause, then do a barrel roll and repeat again, but upside-down. It's pristine white belly was separated down the middle with two thin leathery black lines. The sleek skin reflected light form the females like an ingenious natural mirror. The whale did a ring turning it's nose towards the surface. It's tail flexed and Shepard knew immediately what the animal was about to do. She contracted keeping her legs tightly pressed together. Imitating the whale was not that hard with just a bit of the right magic.

They shot straight through the surface together. The whale reached the apex of it's jump and released a series of jets from multitude of sphincters on its back. Each jet was reflecting the bright light of the cells just below the sphincters. Dark blue and white whale, magnificent animal started to fall back into the waters surrounded by the aura of golden brilliance – each drop served as a small lens intensifying the light, letting it shine across the ocean.

Kara emerged from the ocean with much more force than the whale did. She rose above it curving her body with her back towards the ocean and her face open to the moonlight. As she was continuing on her arc the jet of golden sparkling water closed around her. It was like being enveloped by a cloud at sunset – something Shepard tried to do, too. Her joyful laugh rushed with the sound of the waves until her body was swallowed by the ocean once again.

The blonde dived, then zoomed along the massive elegant bodies for a while. She finally settled in suspension at the center of one of the moon's light wells. There was a warm, nice current going through this part of the ocean. Shepard let the current keep her afloat at the same level in the middle of the endless ocean. Just being like this was strangely relaxing. Freeing. Kara knew this sense, this sharp feeling of complete freedom will not leave her once the transition is complete. Her new body was capable of very similar feats.

There was this problem that kept nagging at the corner of her mind. It could not be solved, it was just there – the struggle of retrospect. Shepard knew she will have to really consider that angle, really give in to the possibility. It was not easy though. There were too many variables. Once faced with such problems she used to go to EDI for advice. Her organic friends were always there, ready to talk, lend a helping hand, but the AI provided something none of them could. Her own, completely unique perspective.

Just when her thoughts almost returned to the recurring daydream about EDI, a presence appeared around her. Kara recognized the subtle request immediately. Her mind armed with the new understanding started to classify the different Reapers by their colors. Oh, yes, each individual Reaper communicated with colors in this place. Color and sounds. The visitor was of golden shine turning into bright orange at the seams. The light only appeared in her mind, but she knew that polite version of knocking from experience.

“Not many fishes swim in the sea. Not many fishes just a Reaper and me!” sang Kara.

“Greetings, Shepard. Your observation seems to be proven to the contrary. There appears to be a substantial number of fish swimming in our immediate vicinity.”

Shepard sniggered with a wide grin on her face, the trail of bubbles formed a mustache under her nose for a second before rising upwards. “You sound just like EDI! She used to give me those analytical deadpan replies, but always had a punch line to follow up.”

“I am honored by the comparison. Judging by your diagnostics, your mind is completely restored and at passable harmonic levels. I assume you have made arrangements though Spectre Vakarian regarding your pending resurrection.”

“No.” Kara looked up at the shimmering bleary image of the moons hardly perceivable from this depth. “I did not tell him. They all think I'm not ready. I don’t want to have a ceremony or whatever they can come up with. Garrus got the impression you are keeping me safe from the worries of the real world. That my negative emotions are on lock-down and that body will need more time.”

“You lied to the turian. Why?”

“He did not need to know. Certainly not now. I'm not sure I completely apprehend the situation myself. I mean, I understand, but it's hard to believe. You have kept my mind the way it was - human, limited. I can see the mathematics, get the facts, but believing in them takes getting used to. Was that what you were hoping for?”

“Partially. Just like Miranda Lawson said to you once, we needed to bring you back the way you were, the same person. We, however, are not limited in our understanding of what a person is as opposed to organics. Your body was flawed, unsafe. A shell not worthy of preserving the mind responsible for our liberation. We have recovered your mind, your personality precisely. Certain other enhancements were deemed necessary to preserve and improve you.”

Kara shivered among the warm current. She pulled her arms around her shoulders still comfortably suspended in the blue-teal waters.

“The irony is that before... Before all of this, before the prothean visions, before the geth and rachni; before the truth about your people, before the Catalyst and the leviathans, before all the illuminating suffering I've been through, I would have been angry at you for changing me without permission. I would have thought that a person's consent, their choice mattered more than anything else. I was not wrong in that belief. It's just... Now I can see more, can understand more. There are decisions that have to be made for inescapable reasons. I can appreciate that truth much better now.”

“Is there a problem?” Inura's disembodied voice carried over the waters with a singe of hesitation.

“After a fashion.” Kara snorted, the sound of her laughter reverberated strangely in the ocean spooking a flock of silvery fishes. “That's called struggling with moral decisions. It's a human thing. No, actually, it’s an organic thing. Don't worry, it's not gonna drive me off the deep end. It's good, keeps me grounded.”

“Understood. Reevaluation of once accepted decisions can provide new perspectives. We have came to the same conclusion.”

“I'm curious, just how long exactly have I been in here? The both variants, please.”

“By the time count of the outside world, the one your former organic friends use, it has been 2 months and 6 days. By the time count of the Citadel virtual matrix – 8 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 26 hours. The calculations are somewhat fluid depending on the speed of quantum connections between your zero-modules and the station databanks.”

Shepard moved turning her body around encircling a wide area around her. The motion somehow highlighted a cylindrical space of the ocean around her: everything outside of that area buzzed, blincked and fell away. There was a rush of blue smoke outside of that protective shell. Like a storm it rapidly moved in to enclose everything with the oncoming blizzard. The dark, rumbling with thunder and bright blue electrical current storm front bellowed past bending itself around the area Shepard was in. Whooshed, crackled and disappeared.

What the shift revealed were the familiar lights of the Reaper lab on the Citadel. The lab did not change at all since the visit by the representatives of the fleets. The machines hummed with the same low hard working sound, the lights and sensors blinked in complex patterns. Kara lowered herself within the water cylinder smoothly and stepped on the metallic surface. She let her arms fall to her sides and the construction lost it's integrity. The water crashed down, the waves rushed in all directions. Most of it disappeared after the splashes subsided only leaving shimmering puddles on the wet floor.

Kara stepped on the reflective tiles of the floor, her bare feet could feel the surprisingly warmth of each individual perfect square. She pulled her wet hair back from her face, her palms ran over her scalp carefully gathering the blond locks under her fingers. Hair that emerged from under her hands was completely clean and dry. It fell freely forming two waves on the sides of her face with the parting on the right side.

For some reason that seemed to satisfy the woman because she let the rest of her body dry on it's own witch was not an easy feat to accomplish. The drops ran down her neck, gathered at the seams of her swimsuit, traced her abdomen and formed tiny streams down her legs. Kara moved towards the middle of the room where the bigger, brighter lit pod whizzed and breathed deeply, her bare feet made splashing noises on the wet floor.

Shepard could remember every time she came to this reflection of the real place hidden at the heart of the Citadel. She could go back to any of those visits, could relive any moment since the Reapers started working on that final component of her resurrection. Another one. Kara snickered. She really should have watched herself more carefully. _“Twice in a row, really? You are living on the edge, Kara! Or rather keep dying... Well, at least Inura and Co. are trying their best to make it the last time, huh?”_

As she watched the green liquid clearing up in the enclosed tank the small grin flowed off her face like so much water had done mere minutes ago.

The face that was looking down at her with unseeing glassy eyes from the pod, the face she was looking up at was her own. Identical. The naked body was suspended in the water, there were still some wires and tubes attached to it, small clusters of nanomachines were swirling here and there. But aside from that it looked exactly like she did before her second death. Better, in fact. The subdermal scarring from the Lazarus Project was gone, new scars obtained all trough the suicide mission and the war were gone as well. Fatigue, muscle strain, the unhealthy shone of her skin and bags under her eyes; wrinkles at the eyes, the long strained lines down the middle of her forehead and at the corners of her mouth – all the traces from the constant weight of colossal responsibilities – the things she had gotten used to over the last year, all of it was gone without a trace. The Kara Shepard that was looking down on her appeared 10 years younger.

Kara frowned sharply remembering that this body was not what it seemed at all. She saw it, she knew the details. They explained, taught her on how to use it, Inura tried to present all the “enhancements” as something positive. And it was. It just wasn't the same. She will be literally born as a new being, in all senses of the word.

At the core of the body was skeletal structure made of tungsten-carbonate alloy enriched by eezo and 36 other elements she could not possibly remember. It was made of the same material the Reaper hull was made of. As close to indestructible as it could get. The miniscule servos mimicked human bone movement, both the feel and functionality precisely. There was a compact vacuum isolated miniature fusion reactor build into her abdomen, the lungs were synthetic – far surpassing their organic counterparts, the heart was not really a heart at all. It was a complex central refinery for trillions of nanobots that were supposed to fill her veins, replace white corpuscles and keep the body functioning at all times. That heart would still beat just like her old one did, the same pattern, the same feeling in her chest.

Over it was draped an organic-synthetic suit of flesh. It was derived from her DNA perfectly matching Shepards biological markers. Muscles will feel like muscles, skin – just like it did before. Her blood will still be red and she will be able to sweat, cry and bleed, just not bleed out. On the outside Kara will look and feel as she was, but on the inside...

The true marvel was placed into her head. A miniature quantum zero-module suspended in a matrix of supercooled helium and encased in 15 inches of polycarbonate underneath her new scull. It could house the full extend of her consciousness in addition to all the other improvements the Reapers deemed necessary. It was not a brain, but it functioned like one.

Shepard looked at what was going to be her body. Kara gave a lot of thought to what she was going to do once she was ready to take that first step. Time and time again her thoughts reached the same end result. _The promise._ The one she had to break to save everyone. Not only that, to ensure they all had a future. Poor excuse. Shepard could not decide whether her choice was right or not, not now, not at all. During all this time that line of thinking always crashed into an enormous wall in her mind. Something was missing.

Kara knew in her heart, the heart that was not beating yet, she knew the source of the disconnect. Why

even in this perfect, all-encapsulating fairytale world where any dream could be made true there was a crucial element missing. She had to put things right. They had won, in a way, and it was high time to keep her promise.

Was she ready? The Lioness of Elysium did chicken out before, more than once. Shepard lowered her head and closed her eyes listening to her inner feelings. No, she had to, she wanted to, needed to even. Honestly, the blonde was not sure about her place in the universe after this final step will be taken. Her gut was telling her that she could not just jump back in, stroll aboard the Normandy like nothing happened. No... Kara was no longer the legendary Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy, the first human Spectre. She was not even human anymore and really, truly she did not want to get back to her old life anymore.

Being lifted up from the streets of San Angeles megalopolis, cruising through the military life – those parts of her life seemed like a bleak dream from this point. Most of her life was consumed with the Reaper threat in one way or another. She had to change the dynamic, be in control for once in her life. But not before she took care of a few very important loose ends.

Shepard rose her gaze to the floating form in the capsule. Her face took on a resolute, determined expression. 

“It's ready isn't it?”

“Yes.”

“Good. How long it would take to get all of it done? This is what you have been preparing me for. The final component?”

“Not long at all. An hour, possibly two.”

The blonde woman inhaled deeply. “Alright, I'm ready too. Let's get this show on the road.”

“What do you plan to do once you are complete?”

“Why are you asking?”

“The concept of curiosity has not been lost on us. It intensified since Synthesis began. In addition to that... we need your guidance. If your intention is to leave us, we will have to be on our own.”

“I will help you figure out what to do with your freedom, I promise.” Kara flinched at the word and let out a sigh. “There is another promise I have made. To myself. I have to keep it now that I can.”

The air crackled with neon blue witch trailed into tender lavender and disappeared. Shepard was not versed in the Reaper nonverbal communication as well as she wished, but that one she understood. Inura, the one she previously knew as the boogieman Harbinger, the quintessence of Reaper horror, was worried, unsure of her intentions, but also approving of why she had to go. The real complexities of Reaper communications were beyond simple words. Monolithic machines did not use such primitive things like language between themselves.

Shepard sighed. She just promised to embark on a quest that might be way harder than the whole war. Figuring out what to do with the Reapers left to their new-found free will and uncertain future by the Catalyst. _“The Shepard will be required, that little bastard. He just put the responsibility on me instead of sticking with it!”_ Kara's thought. _“No, hold the phone, girl. One step at a time. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.”_ She took a few more breaths to calm her nerves and keep her resolve. Time to go. 

“Download me.”

“As you wish.”

The lab collapsed into buzzing darkness and Shepard felt herself falling, the vertigo threatened to make her faint, but she did not. All spun around, there was no up or down, no direction, no feeling. The darkness expanded, shuddered, and collapsed onto itself. Time had passed, yet she did not know what time was.

There was itching in her eyes. It took a long, endless moment to make out the meaning behind “itching”, “eyes” and “her”. The words rolled around, bouncing off of each other without any sense. Then something clicked. The information zoomed at incredible speed, she apprehended. There was thick, gooey, but clear solution all around, it stung her opened eyes and when she tried to open her mouth to speak it poured in.

Kara coughed, or tried to. She was surrounded by the solution. A blazing thought about drowning flashed in her mind, but was extinguished by the knowledge, her thorough study of the body she now inhabited. Her hands palmed the glass, it did not budge. Shepard grinned reflectively. She was still being guided by instinct more than conscious thought. Her legs contracted finding support on the back wall of the pod; she flexed her fingers, pulled back her arms clasping hands into fists.

CRASH! CRACK!

The glass panel shattered littering the floor with tiny pieces. The solution rushed forward, the last wave releasing a body with it. Somewhere at the very back of her head there was a picture of Grunt emerging from his tank and thought of how Shepard was now tank-bread, too. Maybe she'll have to undertake a Rite of Passage of her very own.

The body collapsed on the floor convulsing and trying to stretch. Kara arched her back pulling up on her heels and elbows. Ripples were going over her muscles, she could feel the nanobots shocking her system into full activation. Her chest shuddered and she drew her first breath. Now she could feel the rush of air filling her lungs. It stung. But that pain was the first truly conscious thought, the first honest feeling she experienced in the real world. She rolled to her side coughing, spluttering, taking more big wheezing breaths. Her new body was reeling from the hard start of all systems at once.

The stubborn muscles in her chest, sides and throat would not cooperate. They would not let her do what she really wanted to... _laugh_.

Kara Shepard was born anew.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is completely unplanned. With the exception of the very beginning I had no idea this was going to happen at all. There was supposed to be the talk with Joker and going back to the Normandy, but it just got out of control. Once I started to write them together the words sprung to life, the narration moved on it's own and in a few hours the chapter was filled up. It's not what I have planned, but it's turned out pretty amazing. So the real drama is postponed until the next chapter. Have lots of Shepard and Miri feels for now.

A blonde woman was casually stretching in an alcove, she looked at once bored and agitated. The alcove was located at one of the side corridors. The walls seemed off compared to the main halls: dark smooth purple surface was cut off into straight gray metallic lines and harsh angles instead of gradual curves. The alcove would not have looked out of place on the Citadel or any other space station modeled after it. In the middle of the half-oval shaped room were several blue circles in the floor and ceiling. The wall behind those was covered with hexagon patterns of more blue. Honestly, the setup was not much different form what Shepard was used to on the Normandy. Witch, probably, was the intention.

Kara glanced at the control panel of the communicator. It blinked in steady pulses of light. This lack of contact made her uneasy. Uncertainty always ticked Commander the wrong way. She did not know if the person on the other end was away, unable to answer or if she did not want to. That last possibility was sort of scary. Especially now that Kara really needed for everything to go well.

Noticing what she was doing the blonde sniggered. Without realizing it Shepard defaulted to what she always did in moments of anxiety, the times she had to wait for news outside of her control. When she could not tinker with tech, she would stretch. Standard mindset of the military doctrine, and before that – the realities of living on the streets, had hammered one mantra into her brain. Always be prepared, always be alert, keep up, don't let up. It had taken Kara a long time to learn to relax, leave the responsibilities aside for a while and just enjoy life. But any time her mind was elsewhere, distracted, her body always snapped back into the familiar mode. Apparently that wasn’t something the Reapers could have overlooked.

This time, however, Shepard welcomed the exercise. Anything to remind herself over and over that she was alive, whole again. The strain of muscles, the satisfaction of reaffirming that the muscle memory was there, not lost during the transition. It has been several days since she busted out of the pod. Kara knew the body she was given was in perfect condition, at the very peak of what was possible of a human and well beyond that. Yet she savored every moment of consuming food and drink, tasting all her favorite flavors again. She worked herself to exhaustion repeating all the training exercises she had learned in the Academy, even those she haven't done in years. Making every muscle, every inch of her skin and tissue ache was blissful reminder that it was real. She was truly back.

Shepard let out a small laugh as she tried to reach for her feet. With her legs spread wide she bend down low and placed her hands flat on the floor. Her body was folded in two with arms and legs kept straight as arrows. This position would be almost impossible without prolonged and extensive training, serious work on the ability of the muscles to stretch. What Shepard needed was just a bit of effort. Another reminder of a very different kind. As much as she felt alive and human, she was anything but. Still somehow that did not bother her as it used to anymore.

In that exact moment the panel beeped confirming the connection. Shepard released out of her position like a tightly wound up and then let loose spring. Her bright hazel eyes widened, she searched the space between the blue circles for any movement. And said movement came not a moment later.

The image on the holo-projector shimmered, winked, the distortions going through it like ripples on the surface of a lake, then finally it cleared up. A tall figure of the beautiful brunette came into view standing within the blue circular platform. She looked around with apprehensive curiosity coupled with a certain amount of suspicion. That expression was so vividly familiar Kara could not help but to grin wildly at her.

“Hey, Miri, did you miss me?”

“Shepard...” Bright blue eyes widened in surprise. Miranda looked Shepard up and down taking in the view she did not expect to lay her eyes on ever again. Her gaze lingered on Kara's outfit: the blonde somehow got a hold of baggy civil pants covered with camo patters, military short boots and a simple gray-brown sleeveless shirt. The same exact combo she wore to their little shopping spree on Illium after the Collector mission, oh, such a long time ago.

“I take it you are...?” drawled Miranda, a tiny smile starting at the corner of her lips.

“Complete? Got a brand new body? Put back together for a second time? Yes, yes and yes!”

They shared a long understanding look, the smiles growing by the second.

“Miri, you look quite different from what I remember.” Kara returned the examining gaze the former operative had given her earlier.

Miranda had discarded her ostentatious pristine white catsuit. She was wearing a pair of stylish, but practical dark gray pants, white v-neck top witch still had a fairly low decollete accented with a blue stripe. There was a short black leather jacket draped on top. It only covered her shoulder blades leaving most of her back open. Kara reflectively thought how odd it was that apparently Aria's pirate boss style was catching on among humans. The sleeves of the jacket were rolled up past her elbows. It was strange to see her hands not covered with leather, but stranger still was Miranda's new haircut!

The brunette had cut her hair shorter. Where Kara remembered a gorgeous mane of silky black tresses, now it was replaced with straight if slightly curved locks. The new haircut opened up her neck, the new length only reaching the middle of it. Smooth oval of black hair enclosed her face on both sides only reinforcing its beauty and rare symmetry. Kara could not imagine the brunette ever changing like that, but it looked good on her. Then again, anything would have looked good on her. Still, Kara did know better: Miranda not only looked different, she somehow felt different. Freer, more at ease, less of an Ice Queen that so intrigued Shepard when they first met. That shell Kara worked so hard to get behind seemed to if not completely cracked, at least lowered considerably.

Miranda smiled leaning on the railings of her quantum-entanglement communicator.

“The change was long coming. Ever since I quit Cerberus. Being on the run, the war, trying to find and save Ori – it all merely got in the way. We'll talk more about it, there will be time now. So,” her blue eyes twinkled with irony. “when is the ceremony? I can imagine the Alliance wants to throw a parade in your honor, not to mention every other race present. You certainly called to invite me to the Grand Unveiling of Commander Shepard, back from the jaws of death again! Well, for you it must be just a boring Saturday morning by now.”

Kara snorted, but her face became serious right away. She put her hands in her pockets lightly kicking the raised edge of the platform.

“That would be difficult since no one else knows that I got a body already. You are the first one I have told.”

“I see...” responded Miranda thoughtfully. “I can venture a guess why. Does... No, nevermind. I'm sure you have called me for a reason.”

“Miri, I'd like to talk, I mean really talk. Not like thins. There's a lot going on and I've got to do some things... You're the only one that haven't visited me.” Seeing what would be a well-concealed twitch of brunette's fingers if she was talking to someone else, Kara almost jumped forward. “I don't blame you or anything! C'mon, Miri, I understand! After the Collector base and Sanctuary it's no wonder you did not want to go anywhere near the Reapers. I know it's weird, insane even, but can we just get past this? I really need your help.”

“Kara, it's not because of that... I couldn’t simply drop it all and go to the Citadel! It will sound like such a cliché, but it's complicated.“ Miranda raised a hand to her chest. Shepard knew that habit well. It was one of the very few tells the tall biotic has showed to her. Every time she was actually distraught, unsure, Miranda made to touch something below her collarbone. Kara never asked directly, she could only guess as to the origin of that particular mannerism. It will have to be a starting point of a whole another conversation.

“I know, Miri. I have found a thing or two while being trapped in that virtual reality apparatus. Full access to the extranet has its benefits. I need to ask you for a favor.”

Miranda raised a quizzical brow. That was not typical of the Commander. Kara was always trying to be self sufficient, she was not above asking for help, but usually it had something to do with the mission, an assignment, the fate of the galaxy. This time it sounded personal. The former operative nodded.

“Of course. What do you need?”

“A place to stay.” admitted Kara, she shrugged helplessly. “Somewhere secluded, away from attention, people, the war, everything. And I need for you to arrange for me to meet someone there.”

“Alright, I know just the place. Do you have, um, transport?” As collected and unshakable Miranda was, she was having trouble referring to the Reapers in a casual conversation.

“Yeah, there's a shuttle I can take to the surface. No one will know I'm gone, it's been modified. All I need are the coordinates.”

The brunette typed something on a terminal just outside of the holo view, Shepard's Omni-tool buzzed, a string of numbers appeared on the orange screen. Kara raised her eyes to see her friend smiling at her.

“And now you have everything. I really do want to see you, Kara. The house has a landing pad on the west side.”

“Thanks. See you soon.”

The image shimmered again and dissolved. Shepard looked down at the string of numbers and grinned her mischievous smile. She turned around and left the alcove. The walls became darker, smooth purple curves spread out to the high ceiling. The floor gave out and disappeared into the smoky nowhere down below. She was strolling on the wide walkways suspended without any obvious supports above the drop, they wounded smoothly to the sides, separating, changing directions.

The layered walls would open up like curtains on the right or left, the halls she could glimpse were wast and filled with lights or smaller, but completely empty. Shepard knew exactly where she was going. She was connected to the virtual reality, interfaced with everything around. Kara could see tiny lights zooming everywhere, the different halls she was passing looked like a forest, mountain ridge, a plain filled with raging caverns filled with lava or space around a comet. The actual body of a Reaper – the giant, monolithic ship – was nothing less than a city, necessary hardware. Perhaps better analogy would be an ocean for the whales or an oxygen rich atmosphere for carbon-based life in general. Structure, environment, medium they needed to exist.

The Reapers themselves were much more complex. Beyond the metal and circuits there was a whole world. Every Reaper housed millions of programs, each different, yet the same. They communicated with pure data, but unlike the geth or AIs Kara knew about. Instead of ones and zeroes there was a whole spectrum of everything. From quantum physics to the beauty of one falling drop of water. They could go anywhere, model anything in their virtual space.

The Reapers called it drifting. That is how they communicated between themselves. Direct exchange of information, thoughts, even emotions.

The galaxy thought these creatures heartless, cold machines, but they were not. The Reapers were hybrids from the get go. As much organic as synthetic. Each one had genetic material and history of an entire species running through them. What made them into the boogieman, harvesting nightmares the galaxy came to fear were the cycles. The Catalyst's and its creators tunnel vision, their inability to get past the problem at hand. The Reapers believed in their mission, in some ways they were just like Cerberus. Preservation of organic and synthetic civilizations at any cost. Saving entire species before they could destroy themselves. That was the point. “Was” being the operative word. Without the Catalyst the Reapers were now free to chose their own future. And after getting to know them a bit more, Kara was determined to help them find it.

A voice sounded at the back of her head. It could have been familiar if not for the slight change in the overtones, different every time.

“You did not tell her where you were, Shepard.”

Kara spoke out loud in response. She knew that it was not necessary, she could simply interface with anything around her, even walk around in much deeper drift, but Shepard wanted to use her vocal cords, hear the sound of her own voice. It was reaffirming, incredible to actually feel and know that she was alive.

“Miranda didn't have to know I was aboard a Reaper. Your identity would not help either. It's too much to ask them to accept all the changes, it all is happening way too fast. I had the benefit of getting used to you, getting to know many of your kind without the Catalyst collar on you. I'm not sure it will be that easy with the others.”

The blonde reached the end of her road. The walkway stopped abruptly being cut off before a giant open cavern deep within the Reaper. The bay she needed to get to was on the other side and quite a bit lower. She looked to her left and saw a cloud of bright yellow flies moving to her. Kara laughed at the picture. Those were not flies, not at all. Nanites. Tiny microscopic robots not unlike the seeker swarms the Collectors used, but smaller still. In reality they would look like tiny dots against the sky, almost imperceptible for normal eyes. But the programs in them had chosen to look like golden shining fireflies in the drift and that's how Shepard saw them.

The swarm surrounded her, buzzed and swirled around and she knew what she should do next. Kara stepped off the ledge letting the could carry her over the chasm. The shuttle awaited her on the other side. This was not the worst way to get there. One of the more exciting ones, actually. It was definitely not a bad idea to get to know these creatures better, thought the blonde. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six.

**. . .**

The coordinates corresponded to a literal middle of nowhere in Australia desert. Getting through the slow smooth descent Kara made her shuttle head west over endless wastelands getting even closer to the surface. Sand dunes. Barely any vegetation. For miles upon miles in any direction. Then suddenly the instruments discerned a difference in terrain. A lake? Mostly salt, dried up at this time of the year. It was fairly large, or at least it seemed so in contrast to the dry dunes all around. At the very north ridge overlooking the lake, if one could even call it that, there was a structure. The ridge itself was obviously man-made – rocks and gravel seen through the layers of sand and salt accumulated over the years on top of them looked out of place. The steel supports of the house monumentally burrowed into the ground – even more so.

The building would be more suitable for vacation villa on Bekenstein or weekend house of some wealthy Senator in Malibu. Well, before the Reapers that is. It was white, had only one floor and vast oval shapes and lines. The architect was tasked with the problem of how to show power and wealth in a very modern, pristine look. He chose to focus on long lines and half circles, enormous glass windows spanning whole walls and white reinforced plastics. From above, where Shepard was trying to find the landing pad, it most reminded her of laboratory equipment and operating rooms. Some sort of bizarre medical apparatus build to preform surgery on a giant.

The landing pad was, as Miranda promised, on the west side of the house. It was big, almost as large as the whole house already housing several vehicles from simple skycars to a fairly impressive looking A-61 Mantis Gunship. Kara maneuvered around finding a place for her shuttle and landed it between two skycars – one blue, the other silver with red stripes. Shepard landed the shuttle carefully and gotten to her feet. She stopped before the closed door of the back compartment that lead outside. Kara held out her hand to the controls, but closed it into fist and moved it back instead of opening the door. She hesitated.

This would be the first time she saw any of her friends after being downloaded. After becoming whatever she was now. The first time she had to fully acknowledge what had happened on the Citadel, before and after the Crucible activated. And the very first person she had to do it in front of mattered, a lot. There was already some tension between them, Kara could feel the tear, the distance during that call. What if she could not get past it? What if Miranda would not want to be associated with the cyborg, half-machine hybrid of Reaper design; what if she doesn't believe it's really her, Kara, and not some kind of AI knockoff?

Shepard took a deep breath. No, it would be impossible to erase the bond they shared. After returning from the Collector base, after risking their lives and miraculously surviving with only two members of the crew lost against all the odds to the contrary; after all that discovering just how close the two women had become they made a decision. A very happy one, so much so that it made even the looming nightmare of imminently returning Reaper threat retreat from their thoughts for a while.

They had gotten back to the ship from a shopping spree on Illium. Liara had joined them for a while before being dragged away by her work, her obsession with the Shadow Broker was keeping the asari from allowing herself to relax, Kara tried to get through to her, but it was no use. So she left her best friend alone with her quest, god knows, she understood the need that drove Liara at the time. However, _her crew_ on pair with its captainneeded a break. Some time for R&R, a breather to celebrate their victory, to process all that had happened on the mission.

Sending all the others to relax however they wanted Kara dragged the hesitant operative to the shopping district. They looked at all sorts of items. Miranda had to tear Kara away from the tech shop with all the newest Omni-tool upgrades and hacking programs. The biotic almost got to enter the weapons emporium, but Shepard was quick to lead her away – this was time to relax and have fun, not prepare for the next mission. They ate ice cream and those crunchy treats from somewhere in Hanar space. And then Kara got to the main event: they strolled from boutique to boutique trying out clothes, helping each other choose and occasionally making fun of the outfits either one came up with.

Shepard had finally managed to make Miranda lower her guard down, pry open the clamp shell and let the real woman out. The brunette was laughing, joking around showing an acute ability for that special kind of humor that made you think. They got back burdened with full bags of bought goods. The ship was mostly empty staying in dry dock for the time being and they decided to try on some of the clothes in the XO quarters.

Kara was sitting on Miranda's bed clutching a blue loose shirt with white pattern on it in her hands, she got distracted by something on the nightstand. The tall brunette had put on a red dress and was checking herself out in the mirror. The dress was of asari design: long wide skirt to the floor, tight clingy lines above the waist, high collar and the usual long gloves. The front of the dress had several cut outs showing off the silky skin, in a way it reminded of a spiders web. There was another oval window at the back of the dress. Miranda turned around throwing a long glance over her shoulder at the reflection if the mirror.

“It does look gorgeous, but I suppose this is not the kind of attire I should wear to dinner with Ori. The fact that this dress is impossibly hard to put on without help lowers its good points considerably. At least I can put a small firearm on my thigh and the cut will mask it nicely, what do you think?”

“Huh? Yeah, you look stunning in that, Miri.” answered Kara absentmindedly. Shepard did not even see what Miranda was showing her, her eyes traveled to the small frame almost hidden out of view in the corner of the nightstand. Two very similar looking women were smiling from the photo on it. It was probably taken at one of the meet ups Miranda had gone to after they saved Oriana together. Kara remembered the young raven haired and blue eyed woman that she saw on the platform of the space terminal back then. Shepard remembered telling Miranda to take the chance, get to know her. The same way that she could remember the singe of jealousy at the girl.

The biotic turned towards her with a puzzled look. She moved closer and sat on the bed next to her Commander.

“What's wrong? Wasn't this whole enterprise your idea?”

Kara lowed her eyes to the shirt she was wrinkling with her nervous fingers.

“Yeah, I'm sorry. I got distracted by remembering something.”

“Right. And what would that be?” Miranda obviously would not let it go.

“Listen.” started Kara suddenly. “Why haven't you introduced me to Oriana yet?”

“What? I don't know. Our work is dangerous and it would be safer for her not to know to much about us. What would I tell her? That my best friend is the legendary Commander Shepard? That I have spend two years bringing her back from the dead? What would I tell her if she asks what do we do or how did we became friends? Why are you even asking?”

“Because...” Kara shrugged having a hard time expressing herself.

“Because... what?” prompted the brunette.

“Because every time you come back from meeting her I feel jealous, that's why!” finally blurted out Kara. She raised her eyes to see the stoic operative wide-eyed and breathless. Miranda looked perplexed, slightly shifting back away from her.

“Kara, I didn't know you were... That you felt this way about me. Um... I'm sorry, but... I'm not...”

“ _Oh, crap_.” spluttered Shepard. Her face rapidly became red, panic swirled in her eyes. She raised her hands in a surrendering gesture waving them helplessly, the forgotten shirt slid to the floor. “Jeez, Miri, I did not mean it _that_ way! No, no, no! I'm not into you or anything! Please, don’t misunderstand! God, this is mortifying... I'm sorry I even said anything!”

Kara groaned and buried her hands in her hair. Miranda was sitting there looking at her still shocked, breathing heavily and trying to calm down. She let go of the glove she was holding in one of her hands and raised it to her chest as if to touch something below her collarbone. The brunette carefully focused her eyes to the woman sitting next to her. Shepard was rocking back and forth, her elbows perched on her knees and head hidden between raised arms, she clasped her palms together at the back of her neck. Miranda could almost hear the grinding of teeth coming from the blonde. She let out a big breath and resolutely put a hand on Kara's shoulder. The body underneath her arm jerked in agitation, Shepard was fearless and unwavering in the field, but as soon as she was off duty Kara was just a normal human being with her quirks and faults, far removed from the legend the masses had constructed of her.

“Come on, Kara, tell me. What did you mean if not what I thought?”

“It's different... You know about my childhood, right?” the blonde did not move, her voice came out muffled from her hiding spot. “Of course, you do, you know everything there is to know about me. I never knew my parents, I was on my own. I did not get any real friends. Just the others I was running with in the gangs. We were never friends, we needed each other to survive, but only to a point. Anyone could have back-stabbed anyone.”

Kara straightened up folding her arms below her chest and hugging her sides, she still did not meet Miranda's eyes.

“After we rescued your sister I told you to get to know her. I never had the chance to have one, but you could. And every time you returned from meeting her, glowing, I knew I was right. You told me about Oriana, what she was like, how you had gotten along and... At some point I began to feel jealous, envious of her. Oriana got to find a sister, and that sister was _you_. Who could possibly be better for that role? That's the problem. I wish you were _my_ sister, Miri. I'm terrible, I know.”

There was a while of silence between them, then Kara dared to look at the biotic from the corner of her eye. What she saw made Shepard swing her head towards the brunette. Miranda was smiling. It was, perhaps, the widest and most open slime she had seen on her face. Kara attempted to smile back sheepishly still not sure where this was going.

“So you'd like to have me as your sister, huh?” drawled Miranda. “You know, that could be arranged...”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, Kara, you were completely right when you pushed me to go to Ori! Getting to know her, to openly love and cherish her, have a family, that was the greatest gift you have ever given me! Ori is the best thing that came out of my caged past and my greatest mistake was keeping her at such a distance this whole time. Do you honestly think I would not want to expand on that?”

“I... I don't think I quite understand what you mean...”

Miranda shifted closer on the bed and took Shepard's hands into hers. She positively beamed, if Kara was not a witness to the process, the long walk Miranda took from detached Ice Queen to the happy woman smiling at her, she would not have believed her eyes.

“Kara, how would you like to become my little sister? If not in name, than in fact.”

“You are serious, aren't you?” whispered the blonde still having trouble wrapping her head around it.

“Absolutely. And you bloody well better be, too. From now on we are sisters. I'm sure Ori will be happy to learn her family just gotten bigger.”

“S-sure. If you put it that way. Sis?”

They got up simultaneously and found themselves wrapped in a tight hug. Kara hid her face in the taller woman’s shoulder smiling like an idiot, she felt her eyes sting a little. This quite possibly was a dream. Shepard brought her arms together behind Miranda's back and pinched the back of her hand. It hurt. That was all that happened. She did not wake up. It was real. The delight and joy swelled up in her chest like hot light air. The loud voice at her ear made her flinch.

“If you are trying to pinch yourself, Kara, I'm going to have to lecture you on the misconceptions of dreaming. Like a good older sister.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” retorted Shepard into the red fabric.

“Liar.”

Kara snorted witch resulted in Miranda disengaging and pushing her away, but Commander managed to grab onto her arm. They fell on the bed together laughing like the pair of idiots they were. But very happy idiots non the less.

Kara shook her head chasing the memory away. They indeed promised to call each other sisters, but Shepard knew the fickle nature of promises. The circumstances have changed, more than either of them could foresee. The blonde balled her fists and took another deep breath. Then she turned the lever and opened the door.

The first thing greeting her back on Earth was a smell. No, that was a rather foul stench. The cold breeze brought it from the other side of the house filling everything around with its corrosive presence. Shepard grimaced. If she believed in such things she would have thought it was a sign. Be it as it may, Kara jumped out of the shuttle and stated in the direction of the house. There was a familiar figure waiting for her at the door. Kara got up a small wide ladder entering the spacious terrace that overlooked west and south-west sides of the landscape, it curved around the house in an oval border disappearing into the wall on both ends.

Miranda was standing at the door to the house, she took a few steps towards her. The brunette was wearing the same outfit, but she took off her jacket. Miranda was wearing heels, one thing she did not give up of her old Cerberus look. This time Kara could see the comfortable pointy shoes peeking from beneath the seams of her wide at the ankles pants. Miranda looked more like confident business woman than dangerous femme fatale. Maybe that was exactly what she wanted to change.

“Kara, it's good to see you again.” The smile Shepard received was conservative, barely showing the brunette's white teeth, but it was warm and welcoming still.

“Likewise. What is this place?” Kara gestured at the house and the landscape.

“It was one of my father's residences. I know,” added she seeing the expression on Shepard's face. “this is not the place I ever wanted to return to, but considering everything that happened... It would be irresponsible of me not to not to take advantage of the opportunity.”

“How do you even get to be here? I would think your father had made precautions, made sure you could not return.”

“He's dead, remember?” shrugged the biotic. “Henry Lawson forgot to change his last will where he named Oriana as his sole heir. She did not want to have anything to do with his fortune so it falls to her legal guardian witch is me. No court would be able to disprove my or her right since we have the DNA to prove our claims.”

“Alright, but you did not answer my question. What is this place? I have never been to Australia before.”

There, finally an open slime if smaller than Kara would like! The brunette strode to the railing and leaned on it. Shepard followed suit taking place next to her.

“This pile of salt and bad smell is called Lake Disappointment. Fitting name, is it not?” Miranda glanced at her with ironic twinkle in her blue eyes. “An explorer in nineteen hundreds discovered this lake. He was following a stream going inland and not to the ocean. He was expecting the creeks to lead him to a lake or a sea, hopefully fresh water, but he found this place instead. Most of the time it is dried up, even when it's filled up the water is too salty to be drinkable. It was named Lake Disappointment shortly after. My father bought the lake and the land around it for some obscene amount of credits. He liked the irony of the story. He would bring business partners here to finish a deal, let them see the Lake and smell the stench. He would tell me how if I disappointed him this would be the only place he'd allow me to live in.”

Miranda looked to the horizon, her expression was absent, touched by distant pain. Kara moved her eyes to the picture before her. The lake spanned as far as the eye could see. Salty crust made it look like there was snow spread over the ground. It was hard to distinguish where the lake ends and sky begins. The vastness of flat earth covered with salt shimmered slightly from the heat. Kara could just barely make out some trees at the very edge of the horizon. Only the green tops were there, the trunks completely taken away by the shimmer from the slat and heat. It was beautiful in a way. A very serene, lonely way.

“How come the Reapers did not level this house?”

“It's out of the way. There was no one here at the time. No life signs – no humans to harvest or turn into husks, what would be the point? They were too busy with major population centers.”

“But what about after? I'm sure some looters or soldiers from the allied forces would have stumbled on this place.”

“The perimeter has automatic defenses. Turrets, mines, kinetic shielding. Plus a small assortment of medium and heavy security mechs. It's quite safe to stay here.”

“Okay, this location could have been a good tourist resort if only for the smell. But I like it. Is there like a place where I could get some tan?” Kara shook her hair nodding to her idea. She almost flinched in surprise when she heard the sound of light melodic laughter from her left.

“Come on, I brewed some coffee. We can talk inside.”

**. . .**

The house was gorgeous. Spectacular. The white walls and clear windows were complimented by the modern furniture and art. The rugs on the floors, statues and plants in the corners, tall book shelf's and cleverly designed lights – everything was harmonically placed and paired up. The only thing that made Kara uneasy were sighs of in-your-face wealth. The previous owner of the place was keen on showing his guests just how rich and powerful he was. It was subtle, but the thought followed her wherever she went.

The smell was not allowed inside and it was filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Miranda led her to the vast white spotless kitchen where the big metallic pot was waiting for them. She poured two mugs and they moved to settle at the low glass table in comfortable creamy chairs with puffy cushions. There was a sofa a bit further away in the same color with even more cushions spread about ion it. Kara grinned, b-lined to the sofa, kicked off her shoes and threw her legs up on it. That was more like it. The biotic hummed in her chair. She put one leg over the other holding her mug with both hands close to her face.

“So this is where you live now...” drawled Kara looking around. “Not bad.”

“It's not what I wanted. I would have never touched any of my father's money. Never thought I would end up in this house again...”

“But things have changed?” continued the blonde understandingly.

“Yeah. With this I can help people. Help rebuild Earth, make a real difference. I have been fighting for humanity for far too long. It's time instead of protecting people I took care of them. The funds and man power I'm in charge of is devoted to restoring living conditions, providing drinkable water and food rations. The Lawson Foundation is putting temporary optoceramic cables throughout the populated areas to provide electricity, we oversee 30% of the restored power plants around the world. That's not enough, but we... I am doing all I can.”

“That is very commendable. I'm proud of what you're doing, Miri. For whatever that's worth.”

“It is worth quite a lot. Thank you.”

They sat in awkward silence sipping from their mugs. There was something unsaid, something bursting to the surface, something either one was afraid to bring up. Miranda put her mug on the low coffee table with a soft _clang_ that made Kara close her eyes tightly for a second. Here it comes.

“Kara, about the Reapers...” started the brunette slowly. That was exactly what Shepard was dreading. “The others, Garrus and Liara, they have told me what happened. The choice you had to make and what you were going though. I...” Miranda paused again, she clasped her hands together leaning forward. “I'm sorry.”

“Huh?” Well, that was not what she expected. Not that soon. Was Miri going to kick her out right away? The terrifying Reaper creation, whatever had become of her sworn sister. Kara was hoping she would have at least some time to figure out a way to explain, show how it all could make sense. But the facts were unavoidable. Kara was not herself anymore and she could understand what the brunette was thinking of her. She took another sip of coffee and put it on the table next to the other mug. _Clang_. Dammit, what a mess. Shepard looked up above her knees, her eyes and brows were screwed up in hurt, understanding did not make it any easier or any less painful.

“So when do I have to leave? You are going to kick me out, aren't you?”

“Kick you out? Don't be absurd!” Miranda straightened up indignantly putting both her legs on the floor. “Why would I do such a thing?”

“Why wouldn't you?!” suddenly screamed the blonde. She managed to hold it in for months of anticipation, hide it from all the others. No one knew – not the Reapers, not her friends that visited. Kara had pushed those thoughts to the furthest corners of her mind, she did not come back to them, not until she was in a body on her way to the person that signified her family. And she just _knew_ that Miri already have had all those thoughts, already put two and two together about what exactly Kara had become.

Shepard jumped up and started pacing on the warm parquet in front of the coffee table. She gestured wildly grabbing onto her hair and pointing at her body. Kara had been bottling it up for so long, she could not stop herself. The hurt and guilt and acceptance of how fucked up this all was were spilling out of her like the finally released river waters. She did not want to say it, to alienate Miri even more, but it was no use. The dam had been broken and there was no stopping her now.

“I'm a Reaper creation, half-machine. I'm not the sister you had, not anymore. I understand. I had to work with the Reapers to come back, the same Reapers we had fought against to the last breath! The very same that were the reason for Sanctuary to exist, the same ones that made Collectors abduct and liquidate living people! _I_ accepted their help! You probably think this body was created like the Human-Reaper we fought on the Collector base! The abomination brought to life by thousands of human deaths! It's not like that, but it's god damned close! They did not sacrifice living people to bring me back, but how many deaths are they responsible for? And I let them go on! I don’t blame you for hating me. For despising what I had become. I fucked up. I was weak and miserable and I took the chance and I hated myself for it! But I found a way to balance it out. I doubt you can. I'm sorry, I represent all that you fought to protect humanity against. I'm sorry I tried to involve you in this mess, I'm gonna go...”

Shepard turned to leave, to run away from her shame, the fact that deep down she was okay with it all. Taking the Reapers help, being reborn in this way, deciding to let them continue existing in the first place. The chance at fulfilling her stupid promise. But if she had to pay for it by loosing Miri... That price might be too high to pay. Too late now. Kara screwed up her face, she was not going to break down in front of Miranda only proving how weak she really was. She needed to get away, run to her shuttle and fly as far as the damned thing could carry her.

Kara had managed to make two steps before strong arms grabbed her by the shoulders rotated her body around and squeezed the air out of her. Miranda was gripping her tightly placing the blonde head to her shoulder. Her strong voice came right into Shepard's ear, it hitched ever so slightly, but the amount of conviction in it could have inspired nations.

“Stop that right now, Kara! I would never kick you out or refuse you in any way. It doesn’t matter to me that you were brought back by the Reapers. I was wrong. When I said the only way was to destroy them, _I_ was wrong. You have found a better solution. The Reapers are helping rebuild, right the wrongs their flawed assumptions have brought. You did good, better than good. I would never blame you for taking their help to come back to us. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn't. Listen to me, Kara, please.”

Miranda detached herself from the blonde taking her face in her hands and looking into her eyes, she had to bend her head down a little to do that. The hazel eyes were full of fear and self-deprecation, they were starting to become watery despite the effort Shepard was putting in not to let them. Miranda began talking slowly, measuring her words so that they would reach Kara, so that she would really hear her.

“It is true that I had a lot to do with the reconstruction. I was very busy these few months. But. I could have found a way to visit you. Honestly, I didn't because I was afraid. Afraid the Reapers would succeed, make you better than before, give you what I could not. More than that I was afraid they would be more like me. That they would change you to fit the bill, to be a better... whatever it is they wanted. They could have changed you in a million different ways just like I could. Just like I _would have_ if not for the Illusive Man. There was no Illusive Man to stop them. I was afraid that when I got there, loaded into that virtual reality word of yours I would not meet my beloved sister, but some close approximation, a soulless vessel filled with your memories and plastered on top with your likeness. I could not take that. So I avoided you out of fear and I am sorry for that.”

Kara sniffed and blinked trying to keep her cool. She was failing at it very, very badly. There was just too much pent up emotion bubbling up to the surface. The things she could not fully tell Garrus or Liara, her doubts and fears were now out in the open.

“You were right to be scared, Miri. Look at me! I'm not the same, they have changed me...”

“Oh, no.” Miranda smiled at her that wide open smile again. “The fact that you have thought about it, that you had the same fear; the fact that you are so broken up thinking I would let you go, it only proves you are the same. The same Kara Shepard. My sister. If not in name, than in fact. That will never change.”

“You are serious, that's not a joke?” croaked the fearless soldier, her lower lip trembling. Deep down that was one of her greatest fears all throughout the resurrection – that her friends would turn their backs on her; that Miranda, Liara and Garrus would be disgusted with what she became, that EDI would not want to hear her out, let alone give her a chance. They have proven to her again and again that they would always have her back and yet that insecurity stemming from the earliest years of her life persisted.

“No, it's not a joke. I love you, sis, no matter what.”

Shepard lunged herself into the embrace burrowing her face into the brunette's shoulder and breaking down. She sobbed grabbing onto Miranda like a drowning man tries to hold on to a flotation device. The tall biotic smiled lightly, whispering some comforting nonsense at Kara's ear and leading them both to the sofa. It was a challenge to get the blonde on if though, as she simply refused to let go of her so instead Miranda lowered them both to the floor reclining against the sofa and holding the sister that returned to her in her arms.

It took a long while for Shepard to calm down, but eventually the sobs subsided and she found herself laying on her back, her head was placed in Miranda's lap, the brunette was running her fingers through the strands of Kara's hair. He was smiling at her from above like nothing had happened, like it was the Citadel and they were having fun at the apartment. There was a wet stain on the previously pristine white top. Kara did not wear any make up, but she did manage to soak the thin fabric through and through.

“I'm sorry, I have ruined your shirt.” Shepard's voice came out rasped, her vocal cords were aching. The damned body was simulating what she was expecting of it too fucking well! Kara's face was still wet, the tears subsided, but haven't left it completely.

“I have enough tops and I would gladly let you cry over all of them.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, too.”

“What are older sisters for?” She actually winked! What was going on?

“Wait, did you just wink? What have you done with Miri and where did you put her?”

“Shut up!” exclaimed the former operative punching her lightly in the shoulder. “I can be as happy and lax as I want! My beloved sister has come back from being dead. Again. Not making it a habit, are you?”

“No, thanks, I think twice is more than enough.”

“So... What now? We have dealt with your doubts, I hope.”

“Yeah, do I have to apologize for that as well? I'm sorry I thought you're gonna kick me out, okay? You are never gonna let me live it down.”

“We'll see. But that still leaves the question. What do you want to do?”

“I... Remember I have asked you if I could meet someone here? That's the plan.”

“Alright. I can arrange a meeting as long as it's not some important dignitary. I doubt I can get the Council to visit this little house.”

“Little? Yeah, right! No, nothing that dramatic. All I want is to meet one pilot. The one with brittle bone disease.”

“Joker?” Miranda's eyes widened. “Haven't he visited you in the virtual limbo? Why would you need to meet with him in a secluded place? What about going to where the Normandy is docked?”

“I have asked Liara not to let him see me in there...” admitted Shepard. “I have to talk to him eye to eye. And it can not be aboard the Normandy.”

“What is going on, Kara? Tell me straight up already!”

Shepard sat up and turned on the spot to face the raven haired woman, she folded her legs in a lotus position. This would be the first time she told the truth. Well, have to start somewhere. And Miri was right: what are sisters for if not this? She took in a full breath and let it out.

“I have lied to him and I have to make it right. Miri, I made a promise to myself that I will tell everyone the truth after we win. If we'd lost it wouldn't have mattered. At least that was the rationalization behind it all. Truthfully, I was too scared to admit it out loud back then, so I found a way to wiggle out of my responsibility. It was wrong and selfish and I have to put it right.”

There was a sympathetic expression on the biotic's face. She put a hand on Kara's leg squeezing it reassuringly.

“What did you do to the poor fella?”

“I... I did not tell him about his family, his sister. They died, I knew it and let him hold on to the false hope. I sabotaged his chances at a relationship with EDI. I pushed them both to be just friends and forget about trying to become more.”

“Why was that a bad thing? We were at the brink, if they were to try and we'd loose... They can still take a chance now.”

“That was one of the reasons. No, it was one of the rationalizations. One of the excuses I told myself. If they end up together and the Reapers would destroy the Normandy, what would become of Jeff? What if he was injured or died? My crew members could not risk becoming involved with each other! What about the mission, the fate of the galaxy? Blah-blah-blah! It was all to hide from the truth. I did it to him for my own selfish reasons, not because of some altruistic, noble desire to shield them from the pain.”

Miranda looked at her perplexed, she raised a perfect brow waiting to hear the real reason. Kara mustered all her strength... and suddenly realized that she didn’t need to. What she was about to tell Miri was a good thing. Shepard did mess up, but the feeling that pushed her to do so was incredible and she did not want to deny or hide it any longer. Even if some bridges will have to be burned with the pilot, Kara intended to pursue what she really wanted. Or rather who she wanted.

“I did it because... Because I'm in love with EDI. And I have been for a long time.”

Miranda choked at the confession that came out of the blue for her. She coughed putting hands to her chest and staring at the blonde with enormous, shocked eyes. Regaining her voice she stumbled in great confusion:

“You are what? I'm sorry, I must have heard you wrong, could you repeat that last one?”

“ _I. Am. In. Love. With. EDI._ ” slowly repeated Kara accenting every word. It was fantastic to say it out loud, like the tingling feeling in her chest, the butterflies in her stomach became a physical entity. It filled her up sending warmth from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. “As in I'm head over heels crazy about her and I have connived my way to eliminating the competition.”

“I'm sorry, Kara, that is quite the revelation. Was it because of the...” Miranda made an uncertain gesture with her hands.

“The android platform?” picked up on it Shepard. “That was when it really hit me, but it started much earlier. After the Collector base, after most of you left. We have spend hours, days talking, exploring, watching movies and listening to music. She read to me.” The was a dreamy expression flowing over Kara's face. She put her fingers to her lips and lightly bit on a fingernail for a second. “I remember laughing at her jokes and at some point she thanked me for it. I had to explain that I genuinely find her odd humor funny, that I like the way she thinks. You know what EDI told me in response? That she knew and just wanted to provoke me into saying that I liked her! That might have been the moment I really connected the dots. EDI is a person capable of having and expressing feelings just like any organic. It could have been the moment I started falling for her. I don’t know. But I do know that I love her _now_ and I want to be able to tell her.”

“You really do, don’t you?” Miranda crooked her head glancing at Shepard with curiosity. There was a smile growing at her lips.

“Yeah, I do.” Kara smiled her full-mouthed grin, her eyes sparkled through the still lingering tears.

“Well, in that case, I will help you however I can. I kind of feel sorry for Joker, but the happiness of my sister takes priority. I will get him out of that pilot chair and bring him here myself. And I won't say anything to EDI.”

“Thanks, Miri. That really means a lot.”

“What are sisters for?”

Miranda grabbed Kara by the arm and pulled her in for another tight hug. They both were giggling and laughing like a pair of idiots. At that moment Shepard felt happy, just happy without any 'but's or 'if's. The weight she was carrying deep within her all along had been lifted. She had let out her fears and was reassured by the only person who could. Miri convinced her that while she wasn't the same physically and mentally, she did not loose her soul to the machine. The Reapers preserved her essence, the spark that made her who she was. A good person at heart, a loyal if sometimes misguided friend and _a beloved sister_. Kara got to tell the truth about how she felt about EDI. Got to share it with Miranda out of all people! And what better still, she got her full support! What seemed like an insurmountable challenge this morning became the lightest breeze. And why wouldn't it?

_Everyone should have a sister._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya! I have promised the drama and, well, here it is. This conversation had to happen, there was no way around it. It turned out much more heartbreaking than I originally wanted. You can blame my wonderful friend KiraMae for it. I hope the length of the chapter makes up for the long wait. Next time we'll be visiting the Normandy and you know who's waiting there! Enjoy the new chapter and tell me what you thought of it!

Two days spend in the most luxurious house Kara had ever seen were not as easy-going as she thought they would be. There was something unnerving about the place. Not only the constant, not so subtle presence of the previous owner, but also the very fact that Shepard was suddenly plopped into completely different social surroundings she was used to. Even though Miranda methodically destroyed every single physical reminder of her father with her inherent attention to detail, still the design of the rooms, the location it held the legacy that had remained of the Henry Lawson's empire.

Kara did not know much about the man, but the little she knew was enough. The egomaniacal bastard was responsible for Sanctuary and he was not indoctrinated like most of Cerberus by that time including the Illusive Man himself. Lawson had full control of his senses, the experiments were his choice and he did it anyway. Long before witnessing the horrors of Sanctuary Kara used to wonder how could such a human being exist? He created Miranda, one of the most incredible people Shepard had ever met, all she needed was at least a bit of love and support to really bloom, how could he not have been satisfied?

Still, no matter the previous owner, the house was intriguing to explore. Only having one floor it was spacious, even a bit too bright and open for Shepard's taste. Though she supposed it was more due to the little things her trained mind started to notice. The windows were too large – easily exploitable for snipers. Doors only had keypads, no electronic security or redundant security checks. The arrangement of rooms and furniture did not leave many places to hide or sneak around witch was a good thing since any attacker would be noticed, but also presented a troubling lack of cover. Kara chuckled. G-man would be proud of her right now. Vakarian always cared more about the tactical benefits than silly things like comfort or aesthetic beauty. Ha! One look at his mangled face would prove that!

Shepard did not really wanted to be that way. Her military training and harsh childhood had made her into a naturally paranoid person. Kara managed to stifle that part of her, she learned to enjoy life as it was, have fun, but the instincts would always try to find a way to seep through to the surface. This was an unfamiliar territory for the blonde. Being in a house all of her military salaries combined could not have paid for, being resurrected in this body, having to deal with everything that had happened... It was a lot to take in, a lot to get used to, no matter how much real or virtual time she had. The whole thing had tilted her, let the paranoia bubble to the surface.

Kara collapsed on the made bed in her guest room. She rolled onto her back taking a huge breath. Shepard still felt guilty about going off at Miranda like that. Even more so about breaking down in front of the brunette. Yet the fact that she did, the sweet bonding moment they shared together, _that_ what put her back on the right track. Kara's face filled up with a sly full-mouthed grin, her nose wrinkled. There was nothing wrong and everything right about having a sister and being one.

She heard a distant noise and her hazel irises glower with green for a second. Without realizing it Kara had lightly interfaced with the security system. Only for a split second, but the movement of her cybernetic brain had been instinctive, not requiring conscious thought. She wanted to know what the sound was and her body responded naturally. Connecting to the net and getting the answer was like breathing or chasing off a fly – something no normal person gave much thought to. Kara frowned, she wanted to table the exploration of what she was really capable of now until later. The ease at witch her body reacted when her mind was distracted and the opportunity presented itself was slightly frightening.

But then she took in the answer. Two people had entered the house through the west terrace entrance. One had been identified as a male, no records in the house databanks. The second was immediately flagged as the owner. Miranda was back! The smile had returned to Kara's face immediately. Several minutes later she heard a careful knock on her door. Those superhuman abilities were kinda handy, thought the blonde to herself sitting up on the bed.

“Come in!”

The door hissed letting in the former operative. She was wearing one of her strict business suits and smiled warmly at the woman on the bed.

“Hey, Shepard. Mission was a success, the package is waiting for you in the kitchen. Would you like a complete report, Commander?”

Kara chuckled getting to her feet. “Miri, I'm not a Commander anymore. Those jokes are getting pretty old by now, too. You need new material. How about you ask the 'package' to give you some tips?”

“Hah, good one. I'm not sure Mr. Moreau style of humor will really suit me. Anyway, he is waiting for you. Don’t worry about me, I won't get in the way. However, before you get going, I have one more delivery to make. I have brought you something,” said Miranda putting a large duffel bag on the bed.

The blonde send her an amused grimace and pulled on the zipper. The inside of the bag was filled with clothes. All of her favorite colors and exactly what Kara would wear being off-duty. She threw a quick glance at the smiling brunette expecting more of an explanation.

“It did not seem like you had anything aside from what you were wearing when you arrived. This house is equipped with all manner of guest accommodations. I could have ordered anything you'd asked for, but I thought...” there was this warm light coming from the light blue eyes, the one Kara seen countless times before when Oriana was around. “Well, I thought it would be better if I bought you something myself.”

Shepard murmured “Thanks.” looking down and trying to hide the huge grin that spread about her face. She proceeded to rummage through the contents of the bag, the neatly folded and orderly packed items immediately became a tangled up mess. She could hear an exasperated sigh from the brunette standing next to her and snorted in response. Miranda was on a tireless quest to turn her into a “more civilized” person. Yeah, good luck with that! Still, the way Miranda was trying to take care of her had made Kara happy.

With a surprised gasp she coaxed out a sporty bikini from the now messy pile of clothes. It was black with green strikes and accents. The blonde raised a brow and looked at her sworn sister with bemused expression:

“Are you expecting me to dip into that smelly salt lake or something?”

“As far as I recall, you were the one asking if there was a place here you could get some tan. There is. On the third level we have a pool, wet garden and simulated tropical lighting. I know how much you love swimming so I was sure this is one of the items you'll need.”

“I'm sorry, what level? Garden, a pool? What are you talking about? This house has one floor and I have already seen all of it. I vaguely remember telling you some stupid joke about resorts and getting a tan, but way to go taking it seriously!”

Miranda let out a small light laughter. She strolled to the exit of the room beckoning Kara with a finger. The blonde let go of the swimsuit and followed her, confusion still squishing her features. They stopped at one of the high shelves. It was no different than any other around the house. Miranda chuckled again and rotated a sizable bust of Niccolo Machiavelli that was standing on one of the shelves. Something clicked and the shelf split down the middle, separated into two parts that swiftly moved to the sides. Behind the clever construction was a normal door to the elevator. The indicator glowed red until the blue scanner wave swept over Miranda's features. The device beeped and the holographic lock changed to green.

“See?” smiled the brunette. “This house is just the top layer. We are standing over a massive bunker build to withstand a nuclear strike. My father have been quite paranoid. There are six underground levels filled up with everything a rich and egoistical person would need to live in luxury while the rest of the world survives on what they can get. I still feel a bit guilty for taking over this place when so many people are left without so much as a roof over their heads, but...” she paused pursing her lips. “There are some benefits that make this place worth keeping. Like giving my sister a chance to do something she loves.”

The brunette winked at her. Shepard reciprocated with a sheepish smile. She was still amazed at just how happy being called a sister had made her feel. Sister. Jeff had a sister. The smile withered and slid off her face replaced with a hesitant frown. There was no gentle way to handle _that_ talk. The blonde had too many things to explain, all not showing her in a positive light and for a good reason. Shepard sighed looking down on her bare feet. She liked to walk around like that, feeling the smoothness of warm parquet or the fabric of many expense rugs. Another reminder of how she was alive. But so many were not...

Kara felt a hand close around her upper arm. Raising her head she saw Miranda crooking her neck and giving her a reassuring smile.

“I'll be down on the other level, Kara. Find me if you need... Regardless, however this talk goes, come by. I will show you the pool and some other interesting things, alright?”

Shepard nodded. She took an deep breath and turned around to head to the kitchen.

The snarky pilot was seating at the counter of the wide bar stirring a mug full of steaming coffee. He was wearing civil clothes, average pants and jacket, but the blue cap was still firmly sitting on his head. The man never gone anywhere without it. Hearing her bare footsteps on the parquet the bearded man turned around on the high swiveling seat and beamed at her. As usual the pilot started with the same line he did for all the years they have known each other.

“Hey, Commander! I heard you have been dead again. At least this time the Illusive Man did not have to cash up for the surgery, huh? You got your new buddies, the destroyers of all life to pay the bill! Oh, I'm not complaining, reeducation program sure sounds better than blowing up half the galaxy.”

“Hey, Joker.” smiled Kara walking around the bar to get herself a cup, too. “It's damn nice to see you.”

“I can say the same thing about you. Actually, no, it's kinda getting a bit old. You really should work on your comedic timing. The next time you die for real I won't believe it anymore.”

“Thanks. That makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm glad you care so much about my death being a crappy punch line.”

“You're welcome. Seriously though, I suppose I should be happier, more surprised that you are alive, but it kinda feels unnecessary. I mean, we did all that already. Been there, done that. So, welcome back and could you not do it ever again?”

“Sure. I will try not to recycle the joke. But only 'cause you asked.” snickered the blonde.

“Great. So, Shepard, how is that thing with the 'harbingers of our doom!' and 'sovereigns of our destruction!' going?” he mimicked a booming voice and made wide eyes imitating the Reapers ostentatious speeches. “How that'll work, by the way? Any chance they could change their minds and finish the job? Just checking.”

“No, you can relax about the Reapers. They are no threat anymore. It's not gonna be easy to sort out, but they will not be harvesting any more civilizations any time soon.”

“Yeah, you said the same thing about the Rachni the last time around.”

“It did work out in the end, didn't it? As far as I know, they are helping to rebuild as well.”

“Some would not call that a win. Garrus was right about them. Having those spiders scurrying around would give me the heebiejeebies! But we can always let the krogan deal with them again, huh, Commander?”

“Jeff,” Shepard took a seat opposite the man with a mug in her hands. “Stop calling me that. I am not a Commander anymore. I'm not even technically human. I don't belong in the Alliance. It's just Kara now.”

“Uh-uh.” hummed the pilot. “You said something very similar back when Cerberus put you back together, Shepard. And you were back with the Alliance during the war anyway. I know, you need a break, if anyone deserves a long vacation – it's you, but leaving the Alliance, really?”

“Listen, Joker, I am not the same I was before. I have to leave some things behind. It's time to move on. The last three years of my life had been devoted to stopping the Reapers, that responsibility had consumed my life. There was nothing left besides the mission. I'm tired of it. Tired of herding the politicians, tired of being the fall guy, tired of everyone running back to me when shit hits the fan. I... There's a couple of things I have to take care of and then I'm done. The Alliance will have to deal without me.”

Joker was rotating his mug awkwardly. He glanced at her serious face and suddenly chuckled.

“If you thought I'm gonna try to convince you to change your mind, I'm not going to. You have given up more than anyone for the fight, Shepard, you deserve to do whatever you want to. Hell, you did die for real this time! I'd say that counts as resignation. Is that why you wanted to talk to me in private? Miranda dragged me to this desert, threatened to... mmm... do something dreadful if I told anyone where I was going. I don't want to tell on your friend, but she is still freaking scary, even without that Cerberus getup.”

“Yeah, Miri can be very convincing when she wants to.” Kara smiled fondly taking a sip from her mug. Then her face became serious again. “Um... No, that was not why I wanted to talk to you. There is something I've got to tell you, Jeff and it’s not gonna be easy. Let’s go seat on the sofa.”

They made it to the couch setting the mugs on the glass table. Jeff reclined on the soft cushions stretching his legs and sighing with relief. As Kara took her seat on the chair, she noticed how one of his braces had to have been repaired. It stuck at a different angle protruding a bit more than it should. Joker looked at her and spoke up first:

“Alright, what did you want to talk about? Shoot.”

“Um...” the blonde fidgeted not sure how to broach the subject. ”I'm sorry to bring it up, but have you found out what happened to your family?”

The pilot visibly deflated. He sat with a somber expression on his face for a while. Next time he spoke his voice was uncharacteristically serious and murky.

“The brass told me. I don't know how they found out, I could not ask, but my father is gone. My sister is MIA. Though, I doubt she is al... Ahem. EDI has searched all the refugee databases for her with no result. There were no survivors on Triptee, the Alliance team did not find anyone there. Not even bodies.“ he swallowed. “It all had been cleaned up. I don't know what happened to her. Maybe she was injured and is still unconscious or lost her memory? I'd like to believe there is still hope.”

“I'm so sorry, Joker.” whispered Kara.

“Hey, I'm not giving up! Did you know, there are those unbelievable stories going around about people being found every day! Who knows... Look at you! We were sure you were dead and you are sitting right here. Granted, that's not your first rodeo getting back from the dead, but who is to say no one can repeat that?”

“That's not what I'm saying. I know what happened to your sister. I'm sorry.”

“What do you mean, Shepard?” he laughed nervously.

“I can tell you everything, but you have to be sure. Are you absolutely sure you want to know, Jeff?”

The bearded man gave her a long searching look examining her features covered with sadness and concern. He opened his mouth as if wanting to speak several times, but nothing came out. Then he finally nodded resolutely.

“I want to know.”

“Okay. I have heard the account from a witness that was on the colony. The last time I was visiting Thane in the hospital, I have... um... talked with another patient there.” Yeah, it would have be not prudent to tell him that she _overheard_ the conversation. “An asari commando. She was recovering from her wounds and... The thing is, she had a psychological trauma to boot. Among other things, she had protected a girl. About 15, freckled face, light brown hair. The girl had a brother who's a pilot in the Alliance. Their farm was on the southern continent, in a secluded valley between two high ridges.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” drawled Jeff. “Can I... Can I talk to her, the asari?”

“I'm sorry, she died on the Citadel. When Reapers moved it, she died trying to protect the patients from the boarding party. I found out as much as I could about her. Her name was Aeian T'Goni, her family has been notified. What she told me... Jeff, it's not good. I have known about what had happened since then and I did not tell you. I wanted to apologize for it. That's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you today.”

“Why didn't you, Shepard? I have told you about my home colony after Thessia... About my family missing. Why would you not put my fears to rest if you knew what had happened to them? What did happen? What that asari could possibly have told you that you could not have told me?”

“I...” Kara looked away from him squeezing on the mug in her hands. “I couldn't. I thought... Do you want to hear it all now? I can tell you all of it... or just the essentials, there’s no need for you to know every detail.”

“No, Commander. I want to know. Everything.”

“Alright.” Kara recognized the note of resolve in his voice diluted with the growing fear. “Aeian had been deployed to Triptee with her squad. They were protecting the people during the first wave of the evacuation. The Reaper troops were landing in small groups, mostly scouts and subversion squads. Her last assignment was to help relocate the farmers. That day the shuttle left with the latest batch of refugees so she stayed on the farm with the humans. She told me about a girl she had met there.”

Kara paused feeling the lump in her throat. She took a cautious sip of her coffee. Joker was sitting there stiff and rigid, nothing of his usual cheerful despite all odds attitude was left. Shepard continued, she new how the story was going to affect her, but strove to stay clam as long as she could. For Jeff. She owed the pilot at least that much.

“That girl was so exited to meet a real asari commando. She had never seen one before. She was asking questions about being a commando, about how life was up there, among the stars. Aeian liked her, they chatted. The girl's name was Hillary. She was so eager to tell of her brother, an Alliance pilot, great adventurer, how she wanted to go out there and travel to distant planets and met all the unusual aliens together with him.”

Joker coughed. He knew. The bearded, usually so snarky man had been Kara's fried for a long time. He could tell by her daunting expression, by the way she had to squish her face to stop the insistent prickling in her eyes, he could tell where this was going. He shifted on the cushions squeezing at his knees.

“Maybe it was a different Hillary. I mean, it's a popular enough name... Gunny, she... It could have been another farm.”

Kara sighed. “The name of the farm was Plyrock. Aeian thought it was a funny name. It sounded odd to her, made her remember it. Not that she could forget if she wanted to...”

They sat in silence for a few minutes – both trying to hold on to their composure, not looking at each other. There was no way to hide anymore, no way to deny it, no way to distance from the fear creeping in. Shepard continued in a hollow voice, it was cleansed of as much emotion as she managed to put aside, but that detachment, Kara knew perfectly well, would not hold for long.

“That asari, Aeian, was out in the field for weeks, no proper rest, no time to do anything besides fighting and standing guard. The humans suggested she clean herself and sleep in a proper bed for the night. Her latest reports said the Reaper troops were far way, the area was supposed to be safe for now. So she agreed. Took off her armor, left her weapons and took a real shower. That was when it all had gone straight to hell.” Shepard chuckled darkly. “As it usually does, when you lest expect it.”

She sighed and pulled her legs up on the couch. The coffee was still hot, they have barely talked a for fifteen minutes and it seemed like it had been hours.

“What was her name?... Neaira, yes, that’s right. That was another huntress on her squad. It seems they had a thing going. They were both into each other, Aiean wanted it to be more than friendship, but... I looked up their files later and Neaira had a medical condition _._ She had sustained a head injury many years before, she recovered, still the damage was extensive. Neaira was never able to meld with anyone again. That's why it could not have worked out. And yet that was not enough. Sometimes I doubt there is a limit to the amount of suffering the universe can dish out. Neaira was taken by the Reapers, the last shuttle she left on was destroyed, people aboard – _processed_. “Kara spewed the word like it was poison. “Neaira came back already turned, a Banshee. The humans did not know, the called out saying that there was another asari back. Aeian came out of the shower, probably like I would have – in a towel, ready to welcome a friendly face. But it wasn't. Her loved one was standing there turned into something monstrous. What was left of her beloved reached out and people started dying. Ripped by biotics, pierced by razor sharp blades. I can see it right now, I _have_ seen it so many times...”

Shepard’s words trailed away. Her eyes were glossed over, the horror and disgust painted over her face. Joker swallowed and croaked, his voice was hoarse and breaking:

“What did she do? Aeian.” Kara's features hardened, she looked in the distance with a resolutely clenched jaw.

“The only thing she could. She ran. Took the girl with her, there was no chance to take anyone else. The screams followed them as they ran into the hills. They were hiding out there for two days, hunted and alone. With nothing but the clothes on the girls back and that damn towel. They have killed to survive, even the girl. Hilary was very brave, impossibly brave for a teenager being out there after all she had already been though. Killed a few husks with a stick, good girl!”

Kara smiled fondly though the mask of dread. Jeff was muttering something, she could not make it out any of it except for “... My Gunny...” The blonde could not dare to look at him afraid that her stoic resolve would be shattered.

“Aeian correctly assumed that aid was not coming. No one knew they had survived. She had to call for help. And the only way to do that was her radio, back at the farmhouse. They had to go back. That was the only way to get help, they were hungry, dirty, exhausted. Once they got close to the farm they saw the animal enclosure. There were farmers locked in there, tied up to the bars. The Husks and Marauders were some ways away from the farm – looking for the last survivors. They sneaked up to the prisoners, opened the gates. Hillary undid the restraints. It must have felt like a victory, relief to get some back up.”

Her lips quivered with disgust and hurt. Shepard gripped tighter at the chair letting out a shaky breath.

“They were all indoctrinated, not at all the prisoners they expected. Instead of showing them friendly faces and support, they screeched and howled. Reaper forces were on the way back immediately. I bet, that Banshee was shrieking, you know, that special high pitched scream that makes the blood in you veins turn to ice. The farmers jumped on them, they were attacking with no regard to their own survival, rabid, hollowed out. Aeian had to use her biotics. She slayed the farmers, tore them apart. Later, in the Hospital, she kept having nightmares about it, crying and apologizing for what she had done. Um...”

Kara glanced at the pilot taking a sip of her coffee. It tasted of nothing, she could not even feel if it was still hot or not. Reflectively putting the mug down on the table, she examined Joker carefully. The bearded man was sitting slouched against the cushions, his head turned towards the ceiling. He clenched his jaw and his eyes were tightly shut. He did not move with his hands resting on the couch at his sides. Shepard licked her lips, screwed her face up trying to contain the waterworks and continued.

“Once the Reaper troops knew they were there, the farm was almost completely surrounded, escapes cut off and blocked. The girl... Hillary was injured. One of the farmers landed a lucky hit and broke her leg. She was bleeding, not in any condition to run. Aeian broke through the wall of the barn, they hid on the other side, in the wreckage. The commando was a great, highly trained huntress, she could fool any number of Husks. But... But she was not alone.”

That was the hardest part. Kara knew that he wanted the truth, all of it and she did own Jeff the full account. It was what he wanted. However horrific it was, he deserved to know what really happened. It was not her place to protect him anymore, especially after all the lies and conniving she had done. The blonde could feel the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. The words were like fifty ton heavy mechs, unbearable to push out, landing heavily in the otherwise silent room.

“Nearia... Banshee was lurking near. The asari could hear her shrieks, see her through the cracks between the wooden boards, getting closer. And... Hillary, she... She was in pain, whimpering...” Shepard's voice broke. She could not take it anymore. Despite everything and whatever was going to become of her friendship with the pilot, the story, what had happened was breaking her heart. Again. “She... She could not stop crying, they were about to be found out. And... The only way for Aeian to survive... She had to...”

Kara put a hand on her mouth unable to say anymore. She raised her eyes only to be faced with the heart-wrenching sight. Jeff was looking at her. He understood, there was no need to continue. His face was shining with tears, trails running down the sides of his face and disappearing in his beard. Somehow, for some insane reason he looked calm, almost tranquil. Sadness and loss was clearly written on his face, but at the same time there was so much relief bursting through, it was disconcerting. She didn't know how long they sat in silence letting the truth sink in. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours; Kara would have believed it had been days if not for the clear window showing off the cloudless blue sky and bright sunlight of the surrounding landscape. Finally, Joker let out a long shaking sigh and clasped his hands together.

“I know I'm supposed to be angry, crushed, but... I know now. It will sound crazy, but I'm glad that asari did... what she had done. Gunny, she... She got a fighting chance for a while there and the Reapers did not get their claws on her. My greatest fear was that one of these days someone would find a Husk somewhere and identify it as... _That_ , I could not have taken, I have already seen it enough times in my dreams. It might be selfish or stupid, probably both, but I'm relieved. Relieved that she...” He let out a hollow chuckle. “I held on to the hope during the war. Now that it's over... I don't know... I don't know why, maybe there is something wrong with me, but I'll be okay. I am fine with it. Pretty screwed up, huh?”

The blonde woman ran her palms over her face wiping the tears and swallowing hard. She smiled weakly at him. If someone was screwed up, it was her!

“Listen, I didn't tell you because I just could not take that hope away from you. I thought that maybe after... If we get through the war, I'd tell you. I had to act and it was easier to do if I imagined what would happen if I'd loose all of you guys. I had to shield you, all of you, and myself from that. I'm sorry. You deserved to know and I hid the truth from you.”

Joker sighed. Her angrily swiped with the back of his hand clearing away the tears. Hidden in the beard lips mushed together in a hollow line that could be a precursor to a real smile, perhaps, some other time it would be. He looked at her pulling the corners of his lips down in a sad half-frown.

“I get it, Shepard. I don't know what I would have done if I knew. That hope sustained me, I needed it. I can't say if it was right or wrong for you to keep it from me, but I understand. It seems, I was not the only one who wanted to take care of you. You did the same for me. Thanks, Commander. I mean, Shepard. If you don't mind I'm going to go lay down in my room. This will take some time.”

He made to get up, but Kara's strained voice stopped him.

“Joker, stay. It's not all. There is one more thing I have to tell you. And it's worse.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Kara laughed weakly, squishing her nose. She felt drained, unhinged. That recollection had pulled at her in more ways than one. The guilt and regret was bubbling up in her chest, but she had to proceed. It was not pretty, it was not fair, it was cruel and painful and yet she had to pull through it. Shepard resolved no to hold back anymore. This was the consequence of her cowardice and she had to accept it. Carefully choosing her words she dived into the stormy waters.

“Jeff, remember when we had a talk on the Citadel, at the bar? Before it all went to shit.”

He nodded. “Desperate, 'forget-my-problems' dancing? Sure thing. Why?” His curiosity was pushing out the all-too-recent hurt off his face. It wasn't gone, not by a long shot, but it was obvious he craved distraction just as much as she did. Too bad changing the topic would not bring the kind of relief they wanted.

“Well, you have asked my opinion back then and... And I was not completely honest with you.”

“What do you mean? What did I ask? Hmmm... I asked you about me and EDI. Is that it? You were right, by the way. It was not the right time. We should stay friends, this all is too crazy to start anything. Gotta preserve 'unit cohesion', right?” He made quote-marks with his fingers and imitated Legion with a small smirk. The man was too used to hide his true feelings behind humor, this time was no exception. “I thought about asking her out at some point in the future, perhaps, if I feel like it.”

“The thing is...” Kara shifted uncomfortably, then took a big breath and looked him in the eyes. “All that talk about preserving your friendship was not the real reason I told you not to go for it. Um... Like a day before that EDI asked for my help. She suspected you had feelings for her and wanted to provoke you into admitting it.”

“She did? Really?” suddenly he was very interested and there was a light growing in his eyes. “What did you say to her? Did she have cold feet? 'Cause she never once showed an interest in... ahem... _that._ ”

“Yeah, I kinda... No, not kinda, I talked her out of it.”

“Huh?”

“I... I told her that she might have not been designed for everything. That maybe a romantic relationship would not work for her. EDI said something about there being no president for, you know, organics and synthetics together and that she'd stop devoting processing power towards pursuing a relationship.”

“Oh...” drawled the pilot slowly. “Well, you were right in that she needed a friend more than whatever we could have been. She just started to figure out who she was, so yeah, not the best time.”

“I wish that was the reason I did what I did. No. You see, the moment she asked about being involved with you I realized something. It hit me right then and there, flipped my whole world upside down. I suppose, I knew for a long time, even before that, but that conversation forced me to face it and stop denying what was going on.”

“You are being suspiciously vague, Shepard. What are you getting at?”

“Jeff,” she breathed in and out, swallowed thickly and looked openly at, well, her rival. “ _I love her._ I have been in love with EDI ever since after the Collector base.”

“HUH?! What?” Joker's eyes became wide, he froze with extreme bewilderment splattered over his face. Kara did not stop, it was like by saying it to his face she had opened the flood gates. Explanation rushed out of her unrestrained and brutally honest.

“I wanted to tell her! You have no idea how many times I have gotten so close to telling her! But I just couldn't! It was terrifying. And then I have come up with that promise, that idiotic promise to myself. If we survived, I would tell you both, and everyone else, too. I made myself believe that it was out of good intentions. That I was shielding myself and EDI and you from the pain if anything were to happen to any one of us. But that was a lie! I did it all out of fear, I was too afraid to tell her! And I sabotaged your chances because... Because I could not see her with anyone else... I did not want to see either of you hurt, but I couldn't... There was so much going on, everyone depended on me and all I could think of was that I wanted to escape! To run away with her, to hide somewhere and just leave all that shit behind! But... I couldn't. I had to stay and fight, I had to stop the Reapers, too much was at stake. So I hid behind my hypocritical promise and caved to my cowardice. I did something I'm not proud of. I'm sorry. It was selfish and awful. I'm not expecting you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know the truth. I'm very sorry, Joker, I really am.”

He was watching the blonde woman as the words pored out of her completely stunned. It had taken some time until he shook his head and looked up at her with a skeptical frown.

“You and EDI? You really lo... ugh... have feelings for her?”

“Yeah. I really do.”

“And she doesn’t know.” It was not a question.

“No. I had to tell you first. I owed you an explanation.”

“Because you had convinced me not to go after her...”

“Yes. And because I did the same to her. I... I know it's inexcusable. I'm the lowest of the low. Too much of a scumbag to just be honest when it mattered. I'm really sorry.”

Jeff chuckled. He struggled to get to his feet and limped over to the chair gripping the back for support. He was looking out through the wall sized winnow. The surface of the salt lake was gleaming and shimmering under the sun.

“You know, it's great!” his voice cracked, it was full of fake enthusiasm. “I'm glad you are going to tell her. You should be happy. As does she. I wish you both the best. Yeah...”

“Jeff...” drawled Kara. She could feel her eyes prickling again.

“Leave it, Shepard. It's over. You told me what you wanted, now I'm gonna go lay down. My legs are killing me.”

“Jeff! Stop it! I don't know what she will say. What if she doesn't feel the same? Drop the act, please.”

“What do you want from me?” he turned his head just slightly, but his eyes were still obscured by the cap. “To yell at you? Tell you that you had robbed me of possibly the only chance at happiness? Say that I'm never gonna forgive you for that? What would be the point? If I had known... Heh, yeah right! It would have been over before it even began. I've lost, you won. Have a nice life.”

“Are you giving up?” uttered Kara quietly, disbelief resonating in her voice. “You're not going to fight for her? I know, I fucked up, big time. I will always regret being the coward that I was. But now I'm adamant about what I want. I'm going to go to EDI tomorrow, tell her how I feel and do everything I possibly can to win her over. Why the hell are you giving up? Don't you wanna be with her?”

That was it. Joker turned around forcefully glaring at her. His eyes were still glossed over a bit, however now there was a fire in them. Kara never imagined the pilot had a steely edge like that. Sarcastic scorn on his lips was the worst she had ever seen. He laughed loudly, it was a dark, unhappy laugh, one of those Jeff hated and despised the most himself.

“Fight for her? With you as my rival? Are you kidding me?! How can I dream to compete with _you_? Commander Shepard, savior of the known universe, the unbeatable hero that twice escaped death! The fearless soldier that delivered us out of the harms way, who selflessly fought to protect the galaxy that was more interested in its own infighting than listening to her warnings! How can a cripple compare to the leader adored by everyone? It sounds like a badly written joke! Or a fairytale. A Crippled Beast and Princess Charming pining for the same girl. I wonder, who will she choose? Ha!”

“It's not about that...” Shepard scrunched her nose and blinked rapidly. “I'm not... It doesn't matter what I've done! I didn't do any of it alone! You were there for the most of it, for fuck's sake! You have been there to get us out of the tightest jams! I would never compare the two of us and I'm sure neither will EDI. It's not about any of that heroic crap. Loving someone is about who they are, who you become when you're with them. Jeff, you are a great guy. Funny and smart and compassionate. You would be a great catch for any girl. Don't belittle yourself.”

The blonde did not know why she was praising her own love rival. She could not stop. It was unbearable to see him simply give up like that, even worse to hear all those praises of her. Like she was some sort of a deity, bigger than life. All she did was because she had all those people supporting her, watching her back. Kara was no messiah, not any better than any of those who fought alongside her. And hearing being deified like that after what she just told him was... Painful. It felt terrible. She did not deserve to be called a hero after what she had done to them!

“Great guy, you say?” snickered the bearded man. “All I can do is sit in that chair and fly the damned ship! I cover my insecurities with humor, I suck at cards and chess and that's about it. What about you? Shepard, the person, if you don't want to talk about Shepard – the soldier. You are just as funny as me, you love everyone under your command unconditionally, you are smart and pretty. You have read more books than I care to set my eyes on. You can take apart any weird gizmo and put it back together gain, you know electrical systems like the back of your hand. You have great taste in music and movies and you can dance like a pro. You are incredible. I'm... I'm just _me_. It's over. I give up, you can claim the prize.” he raised his hand and slapped his forehead hard. The palm lingered a second then slowly scraped down his face. “Fuck. I sound like such an asshole. She's not a prize to be won. But... I'm out. Good luck, Shepard. I hope it works out.”

He limped a few paces before Kara's breaking voice caught up with him. The blonde could not stop it. Her eyes filled up again. Ugh, it was so fucked up! So unfair and wrong. It pained the woman that she felt so useless, torn between regret and determination. Regret that she hurt that man so much, the friend that had stayed by her side through thick and thin, never let her down. Determination that drove her forward, the hot, bubbly feeling in her chest that tugged her to go, find the Normandy, tell EDI everything and give it her all to make it work. It was tearing her in half, the contradicting emotions were giving her whiplash.

“Jeff, please! I'm really sorry for what I did! I deserve all the blame! I... I don't know what else to say.”

The bearded pilot was standing not far away. He hunched, his head was bent low. Shepard could see by the way he was standing that his legs did hurt. It was not easy, but he was standing in place anyway. Several minutes of silence interrupted by their heavy breathing had passed only causing the tension in the air to grow. Joker spoke up first, his voice sad, hurt, but clear and honest.

“You know what's the worst part of all of this? Despite what you did to me or her, Shepard, I still believe that you deserve to be happy. For all the good you have brought to the fucking galaxy, for all the times you risked your life for all of us. For all the sacrifices and, god dammit, _deaths_ you had to go through... And it doesn’t matter if I'm hurt or feel betrayed, doesn't change the fact. You do deserve it. How about that for a punch line, huh?” another hollow chuckle. “I'm... I am going to go lay down now. And I feel like being Lawson's guest for a couple of days. I would appreciate it if I don't have to see your face for some time. Goodbye, _Commander_.”

The pilot stormed out of the room as fast as his limping could allow. The blonde was left sitting on the chair on her own. She pulled both her legs up hugging her knees. The tears were still rolling down her cheeks. Breaking down twice in just a couple of days. That was a new record. Maybe her new body was more sensitive? What if the Reapers changed her emotionally? What if... What the hell was she thinking? Ugh, this conversation had been more stressful than anything Kara had to deal with since her return. She was at fault, no wonder Joker reacted that way! The pilot will be hating her now and it was deserved. Why did it had to be so goddamned hard? Why in the search for her own happiness she had to leave Joker stranded? Shepard buried her forehead in her knees.

“I'm so, so sorry.” she whispered in the empty room.

The coffee was only getting colder on the glass table.

**. . .**

There was indeed a pool on the third level. Although before Kara saw it she was presented with a different picture. As soon as the doors of the elevator opened with the big number 3 lighting up on the panel the blonde felt moisture on her skin and the aroma of exotic flowers and freshly sliced fruit. There was a small hallway right in front of her on both sides of witch were glass and plastic separators. Above she could see another plastic cover. It was like this little hallway was a emergency membrane the Alliance regs stated should be erected for access into hazardous or irradiated areas. Shepard swallowed at the association involuntarily clutching her towel and spare clothes closer to her chest. She moved to the other side of the hall and moved one of the only slightly translucent sheets of plastic out of the way.

“What the hell...” breathed out Kara supremely surprised at the sight. She knew Henry Lawson was one of the richest man in the Alliance, perhaps one of the richest man alive, but this was way, way outside of what she could even have imagined.

The ceiling was much higher than she thought, it was not angular like an underground level would normally be, rather it had the antique aqueduct or waterworks vibe. The walls were covered with a layer of what seemed like an imitation of ancient masonry. There were half drown in the walls columns spread out along the walls at precise intervals, they rose up to the ceiling connecting in sort of a web of lines and curves. The whole thing reminded mostly of a turned upside down boat, but the most interesting ware the light fixtures mounted up there. Half-globes of intense bright white and golden shine were securely fixed in place by metallic rings that were obviously made to look like old bronze relics. Shepard could feel the heat coming off of them from where she stood.

Spaces to her right and left were hardly discernible because of the literal forest of tropical trees and bushes. The long, juicy green flora glistened in the light with drops of water and overall wetness. The jungle spread out around the little hallway at the entrance and along one of the walls. Kara shook her head and noticed the edges of the pots hidden underneath all the leafs. Barely noticeable behind the tall trees and bushes were the shelves with more pots with metallic lines of sprinkles railing above the close recreation of the tropical garden. She let out a relieved sigh. She was not going insane thinking that the garden could not have been growing right out of the tiles of the floor!

Said tiles were trailing forward in a curious pattern of white, dark blue and teal. Right to the pool. It was sizable running along the left wall and taking up most of the space in this massive room. By the way the water was splashing and judging by the fact that Kara could not see the bottom, even though the water was crystal clear, the pool was quite deep. On the deck to her right where she could see several comfortable looking chaise lounges, made out of wood, but equipped with cushions and small tables on the left side. In one of those was the black haired beauty reclined on the cushion and with a datapad in her hand. Miranda wore a white bikini top and a pair of white short shorts. There was a tall glass standing on the table next to her filled to a quarter with clear tonic, ice and a slice of lemon.

Kara carefully walked towards her sister still looking apprehensively around the place. She dropped her spare shirt and shorts on the recliner and took a seat herself. Taking the glass off of Miranda's table she took a big gulp unperturbed by the surprised hum from the other woman. Brunette put the datapad away giving her sister her full attention. Shepard sighed appreciatively at the drink and returned it where it was, the glass being almost empty now.

“When you promised me a pool, I had not idea it was... _this_. I mean, wow. Exactly how rich was your late daddy?”

“Too rich for his own good.” smirked the former operative. “This place was his escape plan, for the rainy day. That being an outright apocalyptic event. He made sure he could be at home here. He would be beside himself if he knew that I live here now.”

Kara knew she was not bothered by the topic. The power that horrible man had over her was in the past, even though sometimes dark memories haunted Miranda, they were nothing more than memories. She really was okay with him being dead and gone. Kara never quite gotten that, but in all fairness she could not really relate.

“So... How was the talk with Joker?” asked Miranda looking a bit concerned.

Kara squeezed her towel and groaned. Then she slumped her entire upper-torso and rushed out a breath witch made her lips make a rumbling sound.

“That bad, huh?” commented the brunette.

Shepard gave her a tortured look. “I deserved it. But it had to be done. I owed him this much. He wanted to stay here, that's okay?”

“Absolutely. He can stay as long as he wants. What about you?”

“I'm... I will go to Buenos Aires, to where the Normandy is docked. There is someone I want to see as soon as possible. Tomorrow will have to do.”

“Kara, I know it was hard to talk to him. However, it's done now and you get to go there tomorrow. You will see EDI, isn’t that great?”

The blonde smiled sheepishly the painful frown on her face being replaced by a slight blush. Kara was a grown woman, she shouldn't have reacted like a teenager, but she could not help herself. The warm feeling rushed through her soothing and calming the pain she felt after that talk. Mere though of EDI, the fact that she will see her again so very soon had made her feel so good and giddy, she actually felt a singe of guilt. It all was still at the expense of Joker's chance at his own happiness. She sighed. Shepard had to come to terms with it, it was not like she would back down now.

“Hey,” the teasing voice brought her back from the unwanted thoughts. “I know you are dying to try the water out. Don't be shy now.”

“Humpf! Why do you think I came down in the swimsuit you bought? You're not joining, I gather?”

“No.” Miranda sighed. “I have work to do. Regulating the aid routes and checking the distribution logs. There are new workers to hire and separate into brigades. You go, I know how much you love swimming. Have fun! We can have a drink later.” And just like that she had buried her nose in the datapad again.

Shepard leap to her feet, left the towel on the recliner and strolled to the edge. First time tasting the water of the real world since her resurrection. Kara knew her face was split in a crooked grin, Miranda was right. She really, really loved swimming. One perk of being born and raised on the coast. She bobbed on her toes for a bit admiring the depth and clear water of the pool. Then her arms went back, legs contracted aaaaaannnddd...

_Splash!_

Diving down into the clear water Shepard felt some of the tension dissipating. It felt like always – natural, easy, relaxing. The blonde gave it her all racing tirelessly from one end to the other. Swimming on the surface, diving and propelling her body through the water near the bottom. Flips and figure eights underwater brought back the energy to her muscles. Crossing the pool on her back for the fifteenth – or was it nineteenth? – time she felt relatively at ease again, more blanched. The storm in her head settled. It was nice to be in the water again, comforting.

There was a strange movement to the waves. Kara swam up emerging near the edge of the pool and looking around. Miranda was sitting on the edge a bit further away from her. Her long legs were lazily disturbing the water. She was leaning a bit forward crooking her neck to get a better look at Kara. The wavy black hair on the right side of her temple was pulled back and fixed with some pins. Shepard knew the brunette was trying to hide it, but concern was still written all over her face. Kara could not help herself. She felt a small smile break though her calmly detached mood. The woman sitting at the pool and soaking her feet was so different form the cold and unmoving Ice Queen she first met. All the effort of breaking through her shell had been paying off in so many ways.

She swam over to her sister plopping her elbows on the edge and bracing with her arms. Tilting her head backwards she squinted at the face above.

“I thought you were going to stay there glued to that datapad for hours! What's up?”

“It has been hours. Two hours to be exact.”

“Holy crap! I hadn't noticed at all! I guess, you really do have a proper pool, sis.”

“I'm glad you liked it.”

Shepard leaned on the edge gripping with one hand and clearing the water out of her face with the other. She was breathing heavily, but the knots in her muscled and the tension in her stomach had been unwound. There was a bright smile on her face and silly, mischievous blicks in her hazel eyes. As Miranda watched Kara some of the worry escaped her face. She leaned back a bit and threw a look back at the table where her datapad was perched.

“You work too much. There has to be some time to relax.” Shepard's voice had that tone, the tone that was not promising anything good.

The brunette turned her attention back to her with a slightly amused frown.

“I have a responsibility to do as much as I can. Sometimes it seems like restoring the planes is insurmountable. You should know, I excel at impossible tasks.”

“Yeah, I sure do. But as far as I can see you need an intervention!”

Kara suddenly got a hold of the slender alabaster arm and pulled hard. For a second there was an incredulous expression on the brunette's face, she tried to move back, but it was too late. Miranda tumbled in with a loud splash. She emerged from the water immediately coughing and splattering, trying to get her wet hair out of her face. The impeccably put on make up has been ruined, however little the brunette had been wearing was washed away.

“What the bloody hell, Kara?!” exclaimed Miranda hitting the surface in annoyance. “Are you five? This is not funny!”

“I kinda thought it was pretty funny.” drawled the blonde grinning as wide as possible.

“Oh, you did, didn't you?” Miranda's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. “I wonder what you'll think when I drown your childish arse. You really should have thought of the consequences first!”

“You, know, I would have been scared of that if not for one tiny, little thing.” She thew the other woman the smuggest grin. “To exact your revenge, you have to catch me first! Ha!”

And like that she was gone. The loud voice coming after her was laced with as much anger and annoyance as amusement and genuine excitement. Kara knew she would be pursued. Of course, that was the point!

“Oh, no, you don't! Get back here! You know, I'm going to get you!”

“No, you won't!” answered Kara half way to the other end of the pool. She laughed freely before diving.

Fun was not something she was allowed to have often in her previous life. Responsibility and more responsibility. Earlier, before the military career, all she had to focus on was survival. Later it was the Academy and endless drills, studies, manuals, physical training. Oh, and not to forget the whole saving the galaxy on a regular basis for the last three years! Good times came far and rare in between the sea of bad. Maybe now, she had a chance to change that. It was no point regretting what she had done. This time Shepard really believed she gotten a shot at a fresh start. Perhaps, even a life filled with more than endless battles and having the galaxy on her shoulders.

It all depended on the next step. On whatever will happen tomorrow. On what Kara can do, if she can fulfill the rest of her promise properly. It will all depend on what _her_ reaction will be, what _she_ will say, if there really _was_ something in those gray metallic eyes. Shepard wanted to believe that, there had to have been something there, between them! Kara had been denying and hiding form her feelings for far too long, whatever happens now, she would not back down.

Tomorrow she will see the Normandy again.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Heya! Sorry about the wait on this update, but RL happened and there were other stories I had worked on, too. I'll try to write chapters for this fic faster, but since they all seem to be in the ballpark of 10k words, no promises. I, however, do promise to not abandon this story, keep the length of the chapters consistent and the plot interesting. Three major arcs are planned out so far with only the first taking place in this story. There will be follow ups later on as I have envisioned this as a trilogy. I'm really trying to make this a good ride, so please be patient with my non-existent release schedule. 
> 
> This chapter is an emotional roller coaster. Be warned. Also, the text is not as neatly edited as I would prefer, I only did two proofreading sweeps, so I apologize for any typos, mistakes or inconsistencies. Enjoy!

The Normandy. It was breathtaking. Beautiful, gleaming in the light of the rising sun. Even tethered to the surface, stilled and unmoving, the ship was magnificent. Kara let her duffel bag drop off her shoulder and to the ground. She was suddenly in no hurry. It was odd, she bolted out of bed in the early predawn hours of the morning. In the dark, before there was even a sliver of the sunlight peeking over the horizon, she got dressed, grabbed her newly acquired clothes and possessions, pecked still sleeping Miranda on the cheek and was gone. The plan had been discussed the previous evening, all details worked out and goodbyes said. Miranda gave Kara all necessary clearances and passcodes to get to Buenos Aires. Everything was set and Shepard could not wait patiently any longer, she pulled the shuttle in a stratospheric jump just to get to the other side of the planet as fast as possible.

But now, after she finally had seen the glorious silhouette of the Normandy against the raising sun, all the anticipation and urgency was drained out of her. She was here. There was no need to hurry anymore. Whatever happens next will happen anyway.

Shepard smiled at the beautiful sight of the seashore docks. The suspended by mass effect fields platforms were perched high above the shore line. Below, the ocean waves lazily rolled back and forth in the endless fight against the dry land. That fight had been going on since the oceans began, it was unperturbed by galactic wars or the outcomes there of. That perpetual order had no worries about one former human, no energy would be spend on the unimportant to the force of nature Kara Shepard. The ocean was there before all that messy trouble began and it will be here after. If not on this planet, then the next.

And so will Kara. The human she was would be of no real consequence to the unyielding laws of nature. Whatever it is she had become now, _that_ was another story entirely. Shepard smirked fondly at the rushing waves. Perhaps, it's not such a bad fate to be never-ending. At the very least, the company for her long life won't be the worst. Who knows what she might discover about herself once the immediate concerns are dealt with and she has all the time in the world to figure out what to do, where to go and who – or what – to be. There were many rocks to be upturned, many hidden compartments to search.

A wide grin bloomed on the blonde’s face. She laughed loudly uncaring who could have heard her. _Compartments_. That's ironic in a way and strangely appropriate. Kara remembered an amusing incident that happened some time after curing the genophage on Tuchanka. She was a bit restless after that ordeal – loosing another friend to the machinations of idiotic politicians was a low blow to her confidence. Trying to clear her head she wondered the decks of the ship, made her rounds not really wanting to talk to her crewmates. Without fail she ended up in the AI Core. EDI's mobile platform had taken residence on the bridge, well, EDI choose to store it or keep it there. God, was it confusing sometimes or what?! EDI was residing in all of the ship, it did not really matter where her newly appropriated body was situated.

Kara walked past the humming processing blocks lightly running her fingers along the surface. She chuckled to herself. When she really thought about it, EDI really did not needed to operate the platform at all while it was on the Normandy. Certainly not sit in the co-pilot seat and turn and slide parts of the haptic interface. What was the point? Her processing power and direct connection to the ship's protocols ware thousand times faster and more reliable than anything a robotic arm could possibly achieve. Essentially EDI was just pushing buttons for the sake of it. Like a curious child trying to imitate his parents or imaginary role models. _'I'm going to be a spaceship captain! This is my pilot chair! Oh, look, buttons! Beep-bop-boop!'_ EDI was probably having fun just annoying Joker and distracting the pilot from doing his job rather than actually accomplishing anything useful with the mech! Kara quietly laughed at the sudden realization and warmth spilling over her chest. The AI was behaving more like a sentient, curious, eager to learn and explore person; quirky, yes, but so easy to relate to if you just tied to get to know her. At the same time more complex and simpler than any AI the engineer read or heard about.

She looked around the small space unsure what to busy herself with. Then something interesting occurred to her. A very straight forward, yet startling observation. Shepard had spend months in this room, she sat here on that bench for hours at a time, eaten many a mean, taken naps and talked to exhaustion. She helped with maintenance a couple of timed, but she never, never really explored the room. More specifically, she never really gotten a look inside any of the data banks. With a mischievous grin Kara turned around choosing at random and walked to one of the humming blocks. She curiously pocked around in the data structure through the terminal, opened a few panels being rewarded for her attentiveness with recognition of certain components, but mostly this was well beyond her comprehension. Shepard was first and foremost a combat engineer. She knew how to blow stuff up, how to scrounge up a working turret out a few pieces of scrap, could fix up a half torn apart Mako, however all that high level, multidimensional math and mind-boggling coding was so out of a left field for her, there was no way a few glances would do any good.

She abandoned the first server moving on to another random one. It was more out of pure curiosity now rather than true desire to get a hang of what was going on. She opened up another panel and peered inside. Her inquisitive look was met with blinking lights, circuitry, strictly arranged processors, data cards, quantum drives and long lines of microfiber buses. At this point Kara was persisting in gazing inside out of boredom and, honestly, the lights and data exchanges were pretty, especially to an engineer.

A far away thumping startled her from the lazy daze. The stomping grew louder and louder, clicking sounds were addend to rhythmic thuds. Absently she realized that it was running. Someone was running from the elevator towards... _here_.

The door to the AI Core opened up with a hiss revealing the android body. EDI was standing with her metallic legs spread wide form the running, hands flexing in front of her chest and her silvery eyes intently transfixed on Shepard. Once the door was opened she blinked and her eyes darted to the opened panel, then back to Kara. Over and over again as if there was some kind of conflict raging inside of her analytical mind. The platform finally stepped in letting the door slide shut behind her. Her silvery face was as usual impassable, but that odd shine in her eyes and the way they narrowed were telling Kara that this was somehow very serious.

The mech body moved swiftly to stand in front of the panel, but not before snapping it shut and nudging the blonde to back away. EDI remained standing between Kara and the processing block. The servos in her limbs and neck were shifting and hissing slightly, not enough to provide real movement and more as if... Kara blinked in confusion. It was almost like EDI was fidgeting, but it couldn't be it, that was a purely organic nervous tick! The AI did not get nervous, at least definitely not to the extent to be squirming, or whatever this uneasy posture was.

“Commander, I would appreciate if you do not inspect my hardware without proper cause. And even in that case I would be more comfortable delegating maintenance to Chief Adams or Specialist Traynor, if you don't mind.”

“Um... Sure. I didn't touch anything. I respect your preference on anything to do with your hardware. So if you tell me not to poke around, I won't do it. Sorry.”

“Thank you, Shepard.”

Kara observed the android for a minute. Even though she had resumed her normally idle pose, EDI was still standing protectively over the last compartment Kara looked into. There was something very suspicious about this whole thing, especially the fact that... The blonde squinted inquisitively at the AI. The fact that EDI's new body was _here_ , after a run all the way from the bridge, did not make any sense.

“I get it that you'd rather have professionals examining your hardware and I know looking around without permission was wrong on my part, but what are you doing here anyway?”

“Excuse me? I only wished to relay my opinions on the matter, Shepard. As you have stated countless times, my wishes carry weight as a member of the crew and you wanted to consider them in regards to my maintenance.”

“No, I mean, could you not like, I dunno, asked me over the intercom?”

There was a pause before EDI responded. Her own metallic face shifted with inner conflict, like she was unsure of herself. “I... have not considered that.”

“Huh?”

“Shepard... Kara, I would appreciate some privacy at this time.”

“But why? What's inside that panel? I don’t mean to pry! I just want to understand.”

“No.” The android hooked her wrists together at an impossible for a human angle, she was avoiding looking directly at the blonde. “I apologize, Commander. I do not want to discuss that particular piece of my equipment. In human terms it is... It's embarrassing.”

And with that bomb the doors were slammed shut and locked with the red indicator blinking in front of the completely flabbergasted blonde woman. Kara just stared at the closed door, ogled the polished metal dumbfounded until there was a tug at the corners of her lips. She slowly raised an arm for her fingers to trace absentmindedly the private, but growing smile. Her eyes wandered and she slumped against the door nuzzling it with her forehead. And Shepard knew that her face was shining with pure affection. Because it was EDI, and unlike any other person on the ship, she knew there was so much more to her than what's on the surface. Because this thing with the secret compartment that doesn’t look any different form any other and forgetting to use the intercom and translating her actions into “human terms” when there was no real need to, all of that was so much _EDI_. It was silly and lighthearted and so, so incredibly _adorable_. In that moment the blonde couldn't help the blood rushing to her cheeks and her heart beating unhealthy fast. It took all her resolve to shake her head, straighten her posture and march out of the med bay to her cabin not meeting anyone's eyes on her way.

Yes, that was a good memory. One of many. One of many little moments, short and long interactions that all led to Shepard standing here, on the beach with her inhuman heart thumping like she was a teenager. Kara picked up her bag and jogged to the elevator up to the platform to which the Normandy was docked with a wide grin splitting her face.

**. . .**

The scanners at the entrance to the shuttle bay had beeped excitedly when she strolled past with the duffel over her shoulder. Apparently the DNA scans were registering her alright and this time there was no C-SEC officer telling her how Shepard was supposed to be dead. Kara chuckled lightly at how the security here was so reliant on the scanners and lax in other areas, no a single dock worker or marines at far off ledges of the dock batted an eye on the blonde woman entering the ship like she owned the place.

Kara was afraid of reaching out to EDI on instinct. Although her new body felt the same, she had no clear definition of her abilities, the limits and boundaries were untested. Any attempt to go beyond what was possible for a mere human was uncharted territory for her. As easy as it was to flex her supercharged muscles in a manner of speaking on the Citadel or on beard Harbinger, this was different. Interfacing with technology would be fine as long as she kept in check, but anything more... Shepard did not trust herself to be cool around EDI. To connect with her directly... Yeah, that was a disaster waiting to happen. So Kara blocked everything off, isolated her senses from higher functions. The woman setting foot on the Normandy was for the time being no different from any other human. No different from the technician and marines and dock workers swarming around like a well oiled military machine they belonged to.

Like the one she used to belong to, thought Kara both bitter and strangely relieved. Those feelings were on house arrest, she did not have time to deal with it, not until she had finished what she came here for. She pushed through the little crowd of tech specialists and civilian engineers when a shocked roar stopped Kara in her tracks.

“LOLA?!”

There was a moment when a panicked through entered her mind telling her she was still in the dream matrix, that this was not real, and how could it be? The mountain of a man sprinting towards her from his seat and casually dropped dumbbell was not supposed to be here. He was not supposed to be anywhere. What he was supposed to be was _dead_.

But the muscular marine was already next to her unceremoniously grabbing Kara by her waist, lifting her up and spinning them around. Shepard snorted and swatted at the strong shoulders. Lieutenant was always a flirt and easy going fella, but this was far more sincere than she had expected. Not that she had expected anything what with him being supposedly not among the living.

“Put me down, you doofus!”

Vega chuckled and released a rather tight hold on her. Shepard slid down to the floor putting her hands on the man's impressive biceps and examining his beaming face. There were several new scars on it in addition to the old ones. There was a nasty looking still healing gash peeking out above the hem of his shirt. But all that was really unimportant, he was alive and on the Normandy of all places! A strangest feeling gripped Kara's throat, she knew that in the larger scheme of things this was a drop in the ocean, yet it did not matter. She could strike one name from the list that weighed heavily on her, one less name on the list of lost friends she would carry with her for the years to come.

“James?! That really you?” Kara could not entirely believe her eyes. “I thought you died! The Alliance records said you were being promoted postmortem! How the hell...?”

“Yeah, I was listed KIA for about a month there.” Vega smirked and rubbed his neck sheepishly. “The records need updating though. The krogan found me, I was in a coma or something for most of that time and, ya know, everything was crazy after the war. Alliance lab coats found some of my blood near the forth forward front line, guess they thought I got disintegrated by a Reaper beam. I'm still hazy on the details, but they say I was knocked out and dragged to the Reaper recycling center. The krogan rolled in just in time and blew the escort to smithereens. Took all the captured soldiers with them. I woke up not that long ago, actually.”

Kara looked at him for a long while not daring to believe such easy gifts from the cruel universe could be in any way real. And yet the marine was blabbing on about how Liara ad Garrus had told him about what the Reapers were up to and what was going on with Shepard. He joked about how the metaphysics were still above his pay-grade, but he was glad that _Lola_ was back in action. Glad and not in any way surprised. Then with a bit of a knowing look he leaned in and whispered in a hush tone:

“You know, I have found a couple of surf boards in the wreckage. Got to even try out one of them. It's pretty convenient this is the only dock capable of housing the Normandy these days. I grew up on the Pacific like you, but the Atlantic waters seem to be warmer. Wicked waves, too.”

“Really?” Kara shook her head with a sigh, this was an obvious attempt at bribery. Narrowing her eyes for a moment Shepard closed a fist and jabbed Vega in the solar plexus.

“Ouch! What was that for?” cried out the man with indignation.

“Oh, don't be a baby, I barely touched you. And it was for pretending to be dead and scaring your former commanding officer to death. Literally.”

“Whoa there, are you going to blame it on me, Lola? Muchas gracias. That's an honor and all, but I'd rather not be court-martialed.”

“Yeah, very funny. Come on, I want to see the others. You all are going to catch me up on what has been going on here.”

“I'm in the dark as much as you, really. I've only got here five days ago and they haven't explained anything beyond the obvious.” James suddenly perked up, the next smile he gave her threatened to reach his ears. “Hey, I almost forgot! There is someone else here who would love to see you!”

Vega jogged over to the wall of crates separating the busy main area from the narrow strip along the wall behind his station. He knocked on the container with his knuckles making hollow metallic sounds. A whizzing synthetic yelp and distorted bark was his answer.

“ _No way, can't be...”_ thought Kara in shock. Her eyes bulged and eyebrows were on their way to disappear into her hairline.

This was even less likely than finding James on the Normandy. One look was enough to tell Shepard all she needed to know. Even from far away on the dock's landing pad she could see how much damage the ship had sustained. Most of it had been repaired, but she could spot the tell-tale signs. By the looks of it the shuttle bay had been primed open, the hull was blown out and then replaced. There was no chance that her little pet survived...

And yet there she was! The mech-dog jumped out from behind the crate wagging her segmented tail and immediately sprinted towards Shepard. Kara dropped on one knee out of habit and was met with the full force of head-on collision. K-9 nuzzled her face with that round head of hers sending gentle warmth through the visor. She pawed her knee all the while producing a set of low whimpers. Kara could only laugh and wrap her arms around the white metal. It was warm and smooth just like she remembered.

“Sophie!” the name caused her tail to move even faster. “Jeez, girl, I never thought I'd see you again! Oh, you wonderful, loyal creature!”

The dog practically vibrated with joy. It was not hard to program a VI matrix based on an animal's thought patterns. Unlike true AI that could potentially reach full sentience, animal companions were easily and authentically reproduced in mech form. And, as Kara had suspected, with Synthesis affecting any synthetic Sophie really had become an animal. If only a bit unorthodox one in the public eye. But who cared about what the mob would think, certainly not Kara.

“Traynor found her on the lower deck, below the mass effect core.” explained James. “She was huddled in some hole, probably panicked from the crash. That dog has been behaving like a genuine canine article since.”

Kara grinned at that comment. Yes, Sophie was definitely a truly remarkable proof that Synthesis was working. She gave the loyal mech another pat and stood up no in the least surprised when K-9 snuggled up to her leg.

“Thanks, James. You are excellent at bringing good news. Now, let's see what the rest is up to. Sophie! Come now, girl!”

The trio walked to the elevator together joking and sending verbal jabs at each other. Somehow it was not much different than usual. James was never one to bog down in the explanations, reasons and details of what happened, when, where and why. He always took the news on faith, especially if the information was coming from people he trusted and respected. Kara knew he would never question her connection to the Reapers or ask her about what she did on the Citadel. In the same way he did not question her decision to destroy the Alpha Relay or never brought up her connection to Cerberus himself other than in an attempt to set the record straight with Ash on Mars. The marine was indeed a straight shooter, loyal to the point. Vega simply was glad to see his fellow soldier, a woman he idolized even if there was no way he'd admit to that outright. But the best part was that he really was alive unlike so many others. Along with the exited pet next to Kara she had all intentions of keeping.

Once the doors closed after them, there was a prolonged silence over the previously busy shuttle bay. Happily encased in their bubble the military duo did not notice the stillness of the crowd, did not pay much mind to how it went silent by the middle of their conversation. Now, that the automatic doors slid shut after them, the frozen people started to move, hushed murmurs of the first few minutes grew louder and louder until the hall exploded in the cacophony of laughing, cheering, shocked exclamations and muffled sobs.

Somehow, someway Commander Shepard was back. _Again._

**. . .**

The third deck was mostly deserted at this time. Except for medical staff on call there were only two crew members of the tethered starship present. Well, rather there were _supposed_ to be two and it was common knowledge that they were allowed to linger on the Normandy. However, what was not so common knowledge is that one of those two often had a visitor in her quarters.

Liara turned away from the useless monitors. The faithful equipment continued to follow her movements swiveling to change the angle according to her position, but the screens were filled with static. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as the asari stopped to absentmindedly examine one of her data blocks. It was no use and she knew that. None of the data feeds were functioning properly anymore, not on-board the Normandy anyway. Liara found herself being forced to leave the ship for longer stretches of time. She really did not want to leave the office that felt more like home to her than any other place did for the longest time. Except, perhaps, the SR1. She smiled sadly at her own admission. It was strange how a space faring vessel could feel more like what was supposed to be on a planet. Then again, home was only as much a place as a state of mind. A place to belong, more a feeling than actual walls and roof.

The door hissed open pulling her from the reflective observation of her office. Liara tilted her head back non too surprised to see a familiar by now figure slowly strolling in. The Comm Specialist was carrying a tray with closed containers – new batch of military rations. There was an open if a bit shy smile on her lips, one that Liara felt herself returning almost subconsciously. Even after months of getting used to this, oh so very new change in her life, Liara still sound it odd. Strange, at times unsettling and just plain out of place to have happened to the reclusive archeologist and even more reclusive Shadow Broker.

Liara watched Traynor as she moved to put the tray on the counter in the living area. The sight was causing her to smile wistfully. She'd never had imagined events conspiring to lead her here: watching Sam bringing her breakfast, tending to it and likely staying to share the meal. It had been a process getting used to the idea in the first place. Awkwardness and doubts at first, tentative acceptance later. Despite it being more than a little bit outside of Liara's comfort zone, she had begun to feel the effects. Very pleasant effects, she had to admit. It was after all rather comforting to have someone... special.

“Are you still trying to stabilize the data feeds?” asked Samantha handing her a steaming cop of coffee – mild narcotic humans couldn't live a day without, apparently.

“No, I have given up. Off-site servers I have established will do for now. The network had been under severe stress after the war. It will take a great deal of effort to bring it back to form.”

Liara lowered onto the bed with a weary sigh. A plate appeared in front of her out of this air. No, there was a hand attached to it. She traced the mocha skin up past the elbow and uniform-clad upper arm to see the stern expression on Samantha's face.

The very same she had every time she berated Liara for working too much. Truth be told, the asari was used to work through days and nights, barely noticing hunger or thirst. Asari physique had always been more durable, unaffected by the heightened metabolism of biotics in the same way that other species were. Back in the university and after – working on digs for her dissertations – Liara managed to support a rather crazy work schedule. Being suddenly thrown into a military conflict did not help much. In addition to frantically searching for clues in her Prothean notes, she had to learn how to become a capable biotic, part of a team. The years after Shepard's first death seemed like a blur. Her whole world narrowed down to two simple goals: get Shepard's body and get revenge on the Shadow Broker. She did not stop to dwell on what her life had become. Even after Kara magically appeared in her office, she was too far gone. Inheriting the Brokers throne put her in a position to really help, make a difference in preparation for the Reapers – and what did she have to show for it? Sleepless nights, endless exhaustion trying to pull the broken and shattered galaxy back together.

Liara had been going back to the Citadel nonstop after the first invitation to see Shepard. She delved into the artificial construct as many times as her body let her and after getting back to the Normandy there was always a string of new reports to go through. Liara knew that she would collapse under the unreasonable pressure she had been putting on herself, but she refused to accept that fact. There was more to do, more people to help, more refugees to relocate, more infrastructure to rebuild, more conflicts to prevent. More attention she could give Kara. Her best friend needed her and she owed Shepard so much. At least that's what she thought.

Liara accepted the plate with a nod and ate in silence under the watchful eye of the Specialist, who joined right after. Still, Sam was more interested in making sure Liara ate than satisfying her own hunger. Gazing absentmindedly into the window Liara chewed on the tasteless rations while remembering that fateful talk they had after she came back from visiting Shepard on the Citadel for what turned out to be the last time.

The asari stumbled into her office beery eyed and barely able to drag her feet. She knew how she looked. Deep ivory circled under her eyes, hollowed cheeks, unhealthy shine to her skin, slight trembling to her usually so steady fingers. She was a mess. The crew started to notice, Garrus and Chalkwas had attempted to suggest she should take it easy, take a rest. Liara thanked them and carried on. This was nothing, nothing compared to what the rest of the galaxy was going through. What little exhaustion was to her? If she could help Kara, if she could get a few hundred more refuges situated, she'd gladly take the toll. At least that's what she thought.

“Finally. I had been waiting for you.”

The voice was full of concern, but also barely contained indignation. Liara felt herself being wrapped into a firm embrace and lead to her bed. Once she was lowered on the mattress, the soft and warm surface giving under her weight far less that it used to, Liara could not suppress a moan. Yes, that was good. Now she would lay there and not move for... Ten minutes. No, she could afford five. And then she will go back to work. That's what she thought, but the owner of quick fingers that were intend on taking off her clothes had a different idea. Articles of clothing were disappearing one by one until she was laying in her bed snuggled up in a warm blanket – complete opposite of what she wanted to be doing.

“Why were you there again? This trip took twice as long as the last. Liara, you look like death! What have they done to you?”

“I... I gave Kara some of my memories. The good ones. She seemed lonely all by herself in that dream world. I wanted to cheer her up. Harbinger... He said I was under too much strain! That I shouldn't come back... Damn Reapers! What do then know...”

Liara gritted her teeth feeling the beginning of a migraine start to pound at her temples. She groaned as quietly as she could. This was a side effect of staying in the connecting pod for too long or using it too often. Both things that she had done. She did not care. As long as Shepard was going to be alright, it didn’t really matter. She can rest later.

“Here,” the same fingers put a dissolving pill in her mouth and went on to massage a dab of medi-gel into her forehead.

Liara moaned again as the pain was driven away almost immediately and her aching muscles began to relax. She felt her mind clearing even though her body was still exhausted and weak. She opened her eyes to see another pair of brown eyes staring down at her with unsaid accusations.

Those did not stay unsaid for long.

“Honey, you can not do this to yourself anymore. This is the third time I find you looking like one of those husks. Why can't you take some time to rest?”

“You know why. I have a duty to...”

“No!” in an instant Samantha's usually warm and playful eyes turned hard and burning. “The galaxy had survived for billions of years without you, it can go on for another day without the great and mighty Shadow Broker holding it by the hand! Stop playing this martyr, Liara! Nothing is going to fall apart if you take a day off.”

“Kara needs me. The asari need me. They all need me...” mumbled Liara averting her eyes.

“Shepard had came back from the dead before. She'll be fine. She has others to keep her company. The asari have their Councilor and the matriarchs. All of them have their leaders and you do not owe any of them anything!”

“I know, I don't... I only want to help. I do not want anyone to suffer anymore than they have.”

Samantha slid down on the floor next to her bed. She sat sideways pulling her hand out of the blanket and squeezing it. “Than what about you? Why do you have to suffer?”

“That is not...” the denial died on her lips when she saw the pleading look on Sam's face.

“What about _me_?...” added Traynor in a whisper leaning in to look Liara in the eye. The asari frowned – part confusion, part guilt. “I can not see you like this. It breaks my heart, truly. Yes, I remember insisting that this was just a casual thing we had... _have_ , but... I think it could be _more_. I just can't let you slave away to this state. You need to take care of yourself. And if you won't,” she smirked through her slightly glassy-eyed expression. “I'll have to take care of you anyway, all on my own.”

Liara remained silent for a long time. Searching those honest eyes, inspecting the warm hand in hers. This was as close to a declaration of love she had ever gotten. And it wasn't even that. All it was was _potential_. Something that their sporadic, almost accidental relationship could become. Though, right then in that moment Liara found herself not only curious but wanting to find out. She gave Sam a sheepish smile after wincing at the lingering scraps of pain and pulled on her hand.

“Okay. I'm sorry. I will try to do better.” She puled the woman closer still. “And I want to find out. If it can be more.”

“Really?” No one would have believed that cocky Specialist Traynor could sound so small and childlike.

“Yes.”

Their lips met instinctively. Gentle, soothing, nothing but reassurance and acceptance, apology and forgiveness. It was something Liara had not really have for the longest time. Since her mother departed from her life. Someone to care about her and only her. It was... nice. And for some reason remembering that incident that was more of a fight than a pleasant date or anything of a kind, it spilled a warm feeling in her stomach. Although, perhaps, it was because of the human black liquid drug they insisted in digesting regularly. Yes, definitely the coffee, it certainly was at fault.

“Liara! Where have to floated off to?” Samantha's voice had jolted her out of her reminiscence.

The asari looked around surprised to discover they had finished with breakfast. Sam cleared her plate and put the containers away. Not that there was nothing occupying her busy hands she was fidgeting with the strap of her Omni-tool and eyeing Liara with that odd look the asari began to notice more and more. Curious, lingering, rolling between absentminded warmth and intense _something_ Liara could not quite identify. Although, she was starting to get the incing as to what that expression meant. This whole fortuitous entanglement of two women married to their careers was jump started by one of those looks. And way too much intoxicants to keep their judgment unimpeded. Liara shook her head chuckling at the memory and the sheer absurdity of it all: the war, the Crucible rearranging DNA on a monumental scale, Kara being alive after a fashion, the change in Reapers and finally... _this_. Whatever it was or could grow into.

“I was thinking about you, actually.” she admitted catching the brown eyes.

“That sounds... promising.” drawled the British woman smirking in her most playful tone. “I would love to hear what got you so enthralled, Doctor. Little old Specialist Traynor is not that interesting. Certainly not to a powerful and attractive asari such as you.”

Liara deposited her plate onto the tray and took another sip of her coffee throwing a coy glance over the edge of her cup. Unbeknown to her, Liara turned out to be rather good at playing this courting game. It was like navigating a verbal maze where words were as important as body language – something she learned well while rising to in the ranks of information brokers on Illium. Still, nothing could have convinced her back then that she will be using those skills for _flirting_.

“I don't know... There are several exceptional talents this bright young woman possesses. I could find some use for those in my line of work.”

Samantha let out a tiny breath. Then her tongue darted out to lick her lips. It was intriguing and deeply satisfying to notice those small tells. Liara had to concede the fact that she enjoyed herself immensely. To be able to have such a profound effect with a few words and gestures... She found it exhilarating and a bit frightening. This was still so very new and unexplored.

“Only work? I suppose a purely professional relationship with the Shadow Broker would benefit Miss Traynor in a number of ways, but...”

“Yes? Do go on, dear.”

“I merely wanted to address the small matter of those talents you mentioned. Some of which could be put to good use on a more personal basis.” Samantha got up and slid across the small distance in one fluid motion. She took a seat next to Liara. “To the boundless enjoyment of both parties involved.”

Liara turned to face the owner of that low, velvety voice. The voice that whispered the last phrase close to her crest tickling her skin with hot breath. Turned to find herself nose to nose with Sam. Sam who's breathing quickened, who's pupils were dilated and lips pulled apart just a bit. And that reaction was definitely not one sided. Liara knew very well that her own eyes were getting darker, her own chest rose steadily and her hand shot up to trace the delicate skin of Samantha's right cheek.

“These terms are agreeable. How about we seal the deal?”

The murmur left Liara as her lips moved forward and connected to the others. She could feel Sam smiling into the kiss and did not spot her own smile forming. Liara buried her hands in the short brown locks thoroughly enjoying the feel of human hair seeping and coiling between her fingers. She felt another set of arms close around her waist urging her to come closer, dive deeper into the kiss. Reveling in the scent and feel of such a comforting embrace, the pressure of warm lips moving against hers in a way that Liara was rapidly getting used to, she almost did not hear the loud sounds of a throat being cleared from the doorway. Almost.

Traynor, on the other hand, seemed to hear the throat clearing as if it was a gong of a Reaper. She stiffened, jerked away and whirled her head towards the door with enough speed to give herself whiplash. They both stared at the doorway still entangled nit each other. Two sets of eyes bulged not just because of the precarious situation they were interrupted in, but also because of who did the interrupting.

A lean figure adorned with shoulder length blond hair was bouncing on tip toes at the closed door. Kara was dressed in her usual military camo, though it looked more casual this time. Heavy boots, comfortable greenish pants, tank top and a jacket thrown on top. The sleeves were rolled up past the elbows with custom-made double strapped Omni-tool snaking around her right wrist. Shepard glanced at them again with half-apologetic, half-amused grin and rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.

“Hey, guys! Sorry to disturb you and such, I was in the neighborhood and wanted to say 'hello'. Anyways, G-man wanted to have a talk here, but I can see you're busy so we'll just... ahem... Let you be. Yeah.”

After another five second of silent starting Samantha wrestled herself away from Liara's side, jumped up to her feet and tried to give a proper salute. It was a valiant attempt however miserably it failed. Traynor's face was a deep shade of red, the hot blush palpable against her dark skin. She stumbled on her first try to properly stand up the inertia of her movement making her sway. At the same time her mouth seemed to take on a life of its own spewing nervous babble at light speed:

“Commander Shepard! I'm... This is not what it looks like! I mean, it totally is and we have not done anything improper. I mean, we did, but it was off the ship and I was off duty and Liara is not Alliance so it would not break any regs... No, this in not proper way to address, um... Ah, I mean, it's a pleasure seeing you here, Commander! No, not pleasure, I did not meant it this way! I am not implying that... I'm with... ahem... someone! I would never... What I wanted to say was we are all glad you are okay, yes!”

Traynor blushed even more furiously, though that seemed impossible a second ago. She hung her head not daring to look anyone in the eye and fidgeted on the spot. Finally she blurted out, “I think I am needed in CIC!” and stormed out of the room.

Liara was sure Sam bolted to find a desolate corner of the Normandy and hide her face in her hands muttering to herself all the way there. She was nowhere near inebriated enough to easily handle this sort of an mortifying scene. Liara smiled a full smile rising from her bed and heading to give her friend a hug. While being interrupted during a rather intimate activity was embarrassing for her as well, she could bear it. A bit of awkwardness of the first shocking moment was nothing compared to the relief she felt after seeing Kara standing there. An actual, living, breathing, honest to Goddess Kara Shepard. Liara knew this day would come sooner or later, but since getting turned away from the Citadel she was waiting with raising impatience. Kara gave her a pointed look, then grinned brightly and engulfed the asari in her arms. Shepard squeezed the air out of her lungs, lifter her up and twirled them both in place.

They both laughed relishing the tactual contact. The tangible proof they were both in the real world, not that dream simulation the Reapers constructed. When they parted Liara regarded Shepard with curiosity.

“You are truly back, Kara? It truly did work like they promised?”

“Yeah, it did. I'm not as I was, but I'm still here. Did you think Inura was lying?”

“I...” Liara sighed. “It was a possibility. The same way it was one the time I gave your body to Cerberus. It could have been a ploy, it could have not succeeded in the way they presented. But I hoped it would work. I put my faith in you being too stubborn, too tenacious to be manipulated even by the Reapers. I had hope.”

Kara beamed again giving her upper arm an affectionate pat. Then her grin grew more mirthful, little devils were dancing in her hazel eyes. Liara remembered that look, this was the mischievous Shepard that dragged her out of her seclusion to have fun, the same Shepard that insisted she ought to make new friends. The Shepard that melted, glued together three friendships that she was forever grateful to the blonde human for.

“So, Blue, how long has this been going on?” Kara waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Several months. We... Had too much to drink at the party, at _your_ apartment, I might add, and we just... What it is you humans say? Hit it off.” Liara sat down in her work chair gazing fondly in the distance.

“The infamous party before the final mission? The grand exit, hah!” Kara leaned on one of the data banks smirking. “I gathered there would be a couple of hook ups going on there. End of the universe and all that.” The blonde gave her a more intense look. “Is it serious?”

“I don't know, Shepard. We were not in any position to think that far ahead and now it seems to be selfish to plan on buying bonding bracelets when the galaxy is in ruin.”

“Whoa, bracelets?” Kara snorted. “You got it bad, girl!”

Liara swatted her on the arm. “Stop it, that was a joke and you know it! Truthfully, I don't know where our relationship might go, but I do like spending time with Sam. More and more each day.“

“So it might get serious? In that case, I'm happy for you, Blue. There is no use putting off something that can make you happy, take it from me. If you think it could work, go for it!”

Liara took in the deadly serious expression replacing the elated grin on Shepard's face. There was more to what she was saying. Liara got to know Kara well enough to see something lingering in her bright hazel eyes. Yet she had not desire to push, no need to pry her friend open. If and when Kara decided to share, she would be there, but not before.

“I take it you want to get caught up on the recent events. Otherwise busting in on my private moment would be a rather rude thing to do.” teased Liara shifting away from the obviously uncomfortable topic. Kara nodded, her face split once again by a radiant grin.

“Yeah, I don't usually bust in on the make out sessions, Blue. You wanna go out to the mess hall? Garrus and James are waiting. I don't suppose Traynor will be joining us?”

They shared a knowing smile. Sam will probably not be over her embarrassment anytime soon. Liara shook her head willing herself to be more serious, but it was no use. Between the earlier encounter, secretly taking in just how endearing her spluttering girlfriend had gotten once caught and Kara's triumphant return the elated feeling did not seem to want to leave her at all. For the first time in a while Liara embraced the fact that even in the horrible mess and devastation after the war, good things still did happen. And right now, for this perhaps short moment, there was no hardship in the world that could erase her little joyful bubble. The smile persisted on its own.

“Invite them in, we can have some privacy here. Unless there are more uncivilized Commanders roaming the Normandy.”

Kara laughed at the jab turning around and opening the door.

“Nope, I'm the most unique thing on this planet, ha!” threw she over her shoulder.

**. . .**

Once the four of them were gathered in Liara's office Shepard leaned against the wall and grinned to her friends. K-9 was send to the loft and the thrilled animal was most likely curling up on the bed already. It warmed her heart. The heart did not pump blood anymore, but the feeling was genuine all the same. Just as much as seeing the faces of the people gathered in this room. Squad mates, friends, those who stood by her till the end. Liara and Garrus had been there from the beginning of this insane journey. Even though James only jumped aboard at the finale, he was honest and loyal. And a hell of a fighter. Those people mattered to her. Human or whatever the heck she was now. Kara grinned at the thought and got straight to the point. There was a lot to do today.

“So what has been going on here? I saw a lot of techs running around and the light flickers were seen way from the landing pad.”

“Did Joker not tell you anything about what has been going on with the Normandy?” asked Garrus exchanging looks with the others.

“We...” Kara thought back to one of the hardest conversations she had in her life. “Hmm, I think he did not want to worry me at first so he didn't say much about what has been going on. And then our conversation had gotten pretty tense. Ahem. Nevermind that, how about you tell me what's up?”

“Shepard... The Normandy has been, how to put it right, affected by the blast from the Crucible. All the electronic systems on board have been going haywire ever since we made it back to Earth. The mass effect core barely holds steady, propulsion systems do not answer to simple commands. Sometimes even the doors open and close on their own, we have to prop most of them open at all times just to keep the crew from being trapped. Tali had been working on it for a while until she was recalled back to the Migrant Fleet. And Chief Adams had no more success with restoring full functionality to the ship than her.”

“W-what about EDI?” breathed out Kara feeling the dread settling in and squirming unpleasantly below her navel.

“She has been fine mostly. There is no indication her hardware had been damaged beyond repair.” Liara seemed to pick up on her distress, however much Kara tried to hide it. “After we crashed on that planet she seemed fine, even happier and more upbeat than usual. She was eager to get her android body fixed up, although Tali had told her that without Cerberus' original blueprints it would be impossible to restore it to the way it was. Apparently the synthetic was unique in its design and the database we salvaged from Cronos Station was incomplete. All EDI said was that she had time.”

“That does sound like her.” Liara answered that statement with a tentative smile.

Garrus clicked his tongue at the exchange and continued in a more serious tone. A tone Shepard heard him use to talk to the Primarch when delivering bad news. Of lost battleships and starving refugees.

“Yeah, but as soon as we got back to Earth and surveyed the aftermath, she EDI began to show signs of unrest. Went offline a couple of times. Well, not exactly offline. In and out of specialized diagnostics routine, that's what we've been told. Tali said she is trapped in some kind of loop, I could not even begin to understand any of that techno-babble. The ship-wide malfunctions started at the same time. Joker managed to land here, guide the Normandy to the only one docking net that survived the war. Alliance engineers have been swarming around trying to figure out what's going on for the last couple of weeks.”

Garrus gave the asari another inquisitive look. Shepard did not get what they were not telling her. Yes, the ship looked like it was put through the wringer, but that was to be expected after flying around in the inferno that was the Reaper blockade of the Citadel. There had to be something more to it, something that was filling her veins with ice. Whatever it was it could not be good news. Finally, with a heavy sight Liara was the one to turn away from uncomfortable looking turian and deliver the goods.

“Kara, you should know, since Joker left EDI has been unresponsive. Adams and a team of techs had checked her hardware and they say it's all working on overdrive, but within safe parameters. They can only guess what would be normal at this point. However, I have gone over the schematics and progress reports on Hannibal project as well as what we have salvaged from Cronos Station, everything I could get my hands on regarding EDI. I managed to finish analyzing the information before the data feeds I set up here suffered a series of unexplained failures. There is nothing to suggest there is a problem with her matrix. Absolutely everything is in the green according to Cerberus tests, just like Tali suspected. The only conclusion I could reach was that EDI doesn't respond because she doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

Shepard looked around at the flickering monitors and blinking lights of Liara's office. This was not right. If EDI just wanted to be left alone, she would have said so. There was no need to shut everybody off. The unexplained failures, huh? Problems with all systems across the ship? Those could not be coincidences. Perhaps, what the human engineers could not see, she could.

Kara squinted and willed to see beyond of what was on the surface. Screw taking it slow, figuring out what she had become in peace! Her instincts were flaring in the red. Right now EDI needed her. EDI needed all this new Shepard was capable of.

The metallic walls blinked in her changing vision and blurred out, Kara's skin tingled and there were tiny clicks only audible to her quickly rolling up the column of her spine. Kara felt the pressure surging down her legs to the soles of her feet and meeting in a flash with the heat of the floor she was standing on. Her vision cleared showing endless blackness layered with ghostly silhouettes of the room and equipment and the people standing next to her. Those were only distractions, specks of dust on the windshield or her helmet visor, however in the blackness she could see the contours of the Normandy, the real essence of the ship that was no longer just a ship.

_The Drift._

Kara had connected to the Normandy as easily as if she had been doing it for lifetimes, it felt completely natural and so very right.

Bright yellow of electromagnetic lines running throughout the hull from the generators steadily expanding and contracting like lungs carrying oxygen to all corners of the metallic body. Red impulses were speeding in all directions from the pulsing crimson sphere that was the mass effect core, beating like a real heart. White and green streaks of numbers were splashed everywhere – the nervous system, it seeped through every inch of the ship: crawling up walls, lingering in the data feeds, dripping down through the floors and encompassing everything, all of the Normandy. And it all led back to its source – a tight knot of white and green, twisting and untwisting lines, curves and small images. It glowed and contracted right at the center of what must be the AI Core.

It looked somehow curious and Kara could not for the life of her explain how she understood that, but she did. The ball of sentience send tentacles out to explore and feel, to understand and define itself. Yet anywhere she looked those tendrils were shocked, burned out or trapped behind firewalls. The engineers were trying to restore control over systems. Separating compartments, rebooting consoles, severing data feeds. And every time they did the sphere of light recoiled in fear and hurt, retreated further onto itself. With a sudden flash of understanding Shepard saw black splotches smearing the pristine white and bright green. That was fear and agitation and confusion. Kara did not know how she could apprehend the simpler, more human meaning behind the trembles of light, numbers and symbols, but there it was. This was what Inura was talking about when they said the Synthesis will not be easy. This frightened, twisted and confused mind was none other than _EDI_. Shepard felt a surge of red boiling rage raising in her and hurried to sever the connection before she could hurt the AI unwittingly. The way EDI's panicked thoughts were coiled onto themselves, trapped, Kara was sure the AI did not even register the drift.

Coming back to the physical world and blinking back the dizziness Shepard was met with several worried expressions.

“Hey, Kara, what in the Spirits was that?”

“Humm?” grumbled she squinting – her eyes still unfocused – trying to sort out her thoughts for a moment and not blow up on her friends.

“Your eyes glowed green and you were not answering. We all have stopped sporting those green eyes and techno-patterns more than a month ago! Wait, you said yourself that it was because our bodies were acclimatizing to the effects of the Synthesis! Why did you eyes glow? Were you interfacing with the ship? No one was able to do that, we have tried.” supplied Liara.

“Not interfacing. Deeper.” thew Shepard over her shoulder striding to the intercom unit on the wall and pressing her palm flatly to the wall next to it. The device buzzed and a loud ringing sounded throughout the whole ship. The next thing was her strong, commanding voice rumbling out of every speaker on-board: “May I have your attention. This is Kara Shepard. The Normandy's crew as well as any technical personnel on-board are hereby ordered to cease all activity and report to the CIC for debriefing in an hour. That is all.”

Kara leaned on the wall for a minute before turning with narrowed eyes to the surprised faces of her friends. She was eyeing her two best friends with a sour frown. Shepard knew her brows were knitted low and teeth bared, her face spotted agitated lines contorted with bottled up rage and dismay. The understanding of what has been done to EDI was breaking through her honed control, even the infamous military training was not enough. The anger, searing indignation on EDI's behalf was what kept her from collapsing in a broken mess on the floor. A thin barrier holding her together, causing her to bark orders and glare at her friends instead of sobbing her heart out.

“Okay, Shepard, what is going on?” piped up Garrus watching her with puzzled apprehension.

“The Alliance engineers are fools and you two are no better! Even Tali turns out is another one of the idiots! I guess, that's her quarian baggage seeping through, still even so! I mean, how could you not put two and two together?! After all that Harbinger had shown you! After everything _I_ have told you two about what was happening!”

“Hey, there!” the turian threw his arms up. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't know what we have missed, but if you haven't noticed there has been a lot on our collective minds.”

“Don't give me those bullshit excuses, G-man! This is all kinds of fucked up and you should have stopped it!”

“Shepard...” a soothing blue hand easily found its way onto Kara's shoulder. Liara took few steps up to her and now was leaning in trying to catch her eye. “Please, calm down. Just tell us what's wrong.”

“It's EDI.” blurted out Kara, anger and concern battling for dominance on her face. “What you have been doing, it's wrong. The Normandy is not damaged or malfunctioning. She's ill and hurt. And you have only been making it worse.”

“What? The ship's sick? Are you feeling well, Lola? Maybe you should be checked out by a doctor. Or a technician, whatever does it for you these days.”

Shepard ignored James' ignorant babbling. She was staring directly into the asari's blue eyes. Liara could understand. She would have got it on her own, eventually, but there was so much for her to do. Kara could not cling to her anger any longer. It was still there, like a safety west keeping her afloat, but she could not take it out on that sincere, worried face. Not when Liara was searching her expression for the answers, not when she was offering to ground her.

“It's _her_. What you have been doing is only hurting her. She has been lonely and afraid because no one could reach her. Really reach her. And then you started fixing things. Rebooting systems, opening up panels, replacing whole sections of the outer hull. There is nothing wrong with her. She needs help and comfort, she doesn't need fixing.”

Liara's eyes became wide, her mouth fell open. “Oh, Goddess, what have we done...” There were tears swelling around the filled with horror blue irises.

“I don't see what the problem is. Does EDI need a new processor block or something?”

“EDI _is_ the Normandy, you idiot!” growled Kara snapping her eyes to the genuinely confused Vega. “The ship is her body, literally this time. Her version of a nervous system is fused with every inch of the hull! You have been slicing at her skin, punching and kicking her, you morons! The Normandy is not damaged or broken, she is _alive_! EDI is not in _'some kind of loop'_ , she is traumatized! She is contorting with fear and hurt every time you try to fix something like you have any idea what's going on!”

Shepard stared at the stricken with various degrees of understanding, sock and disbelief faces and groaned. She pushed both her hands through her hair massaging her scalp. This could not be happening! But it was.

EDI has been imprisoned inside her own mind for weeks, virtually tortured! Her change has been disregarded by ignorant, close-minded people, people who were supposed to be taking care of her! She was a war hero, goddammit! As much as any one else on the Normandy, as much as Shepard herself! Instead she was treated like a broken tool, a malfunctioning piece of equipment, a vessel – to be fixed up and put back into service! Nobody cared enough to see past the misconception... Nobody, except for... Kara gasped feeling cold sweat hitting her like a physical blow of horrible realization.

“ _It's my fault,”_ thought Shepard. _“First the Synthesis, then taking my sweet time. Not even contacting her to see if she was alright. And if I'm right in that last suspicion, I am to blame on the level of the fuckers who literally cut at her, maimed her...NO! I need to focus. She needs me now.”_

Shepard shook her head with a sharp growl. She straightened up and looked around. A hardened look all of her subordinates knew well. Stunned masks slid off of them in an instant. All three were ready to answer her questions, follow their leader into the fire. The same look that worked oh so well on the battlefield, now it had a different goal. Information.

“What was the first thing you have done to the ship once you got back to Earth?” barked Kara not addressing anyone in particular.

“We... Hm...” Liara was deep in thought, lines scrunching up her forehead. “Tali and Chief Adams were worried about the mass effect core overheating... They wanted to run diagnostics to make sure it wasn't damaged during the crash. And for that they had to power it down. But it was no use, whatever they tried the system refused to respond.”

“Let me guess: EDI started behaving oddly shortly after and then the malfunctions spread throughout the ship?”

Liara gave her a nervous nod.

“You tried to stop her heart. What did you expect? She was most likely confused and scared by her own reaction. I'm guessing EDI wanted to analyze herself, see what was going on and get back to you. But you started picking and prodding at her, demanding the ship's compliance, operating the stations like nothing was different!”

“No, Shepard, EDI was more or less fine until yesterday. Granted she did say odd things and asked unusual questions, but that's EDI, you know? She's not turian, err, or human or asari. We had gotten used to her eccentricities. She did not do anything outside of what’s normal for her. Not until Joker left.”

Shepard whipped around glaring the turian down. It was not his fault. No, it was! She did not want to hear more excuses. They should have noticed _something_! They were in the know and sat back, they shared the responsibility! Yet it was a fraction of what Kara herself was responsible for. That realization rolled around in her head like it was hollowed out. The guilt. Oh, _the guilt_! If she had been feeling guilty before for lying to EDI, for taking away her choices, that was nothing compared to the agony she was experiencing now. There was no escape from the truth. It was her fault.

“Bullshit. It was the last straw! How don't you understand, Vakarian?! Jeff was her life line, probably the only friendly presence that kept her afloat. Trying to deal with all the new changes, the pain and confusion! And then I went and called him away! Dammit!”

Kara sucked the air through clenched teeth and let her rage out by punching the wall, hard. Her fist bend the polycarbonate. The skin of her knuckles split and bright scarlet liquid dropped on the floor. Only a few drops before the gash had closed up on its own. Frowning Kara ran the fingers of the other hand over her knuckles. Not a trace of the injury was left. The nanites worked fast.

Yes. That was it. She was not human. She was more. And of there was someone on this planet who could help EDI, it was her. Get her out, guide her. Shepard should be reaching out to the mind that she loved, being there for EDI. Instead she was busy yelling at her friends, berating herself and punching walls. She was no better that the idiots.

A cold determination washed over her. This was a waste of time at this point. She had to get to EDI, had to help her. The rage was gone, indignation and crushing guild was gone. All that mattered now was that she had to get to the AI Core.

“I expect you all to be at the debriefing. The order not to touch an inch of the ship does extend to you three as well.” her voice was cold and firm, she did not spare a glance for them. “I... I should go.”

Mess hall, the Med Bay, different doors and lighting – all seemed a blur. Brisk walk, almost run propelled her over the short distance. There was not much of it anyway, but it felt too much all the same.

Kara stopped in front of the automatic doors. The AI Core. Setting her higher senses free Shepard felt a jolt of overwhelming sensations hit her. The pain of unfulfilled impulses, deformed directives, confusion, fear, panic, the trembling of a trapped, exhausted sentience. It all rushed through her, affected Kara on a physical level. She shuddered and swallowed clearing the lump in her throat. This was it. EDI waited on the other side.

Just this morning she thought this was a going to be a happy trip. The end of her journey. Final scene of the play when all she had to do was tell EDI how she felt, let her know and ask for one chance. One opportunity to show her. This morning Kara woke up with a hope that by this time she would be the happiest person in the universe. Made that way by a little, unimaginative word uttered in a perfectly leveled synthetic voice that made her heart flutter. Six hours ago one _'yes'_ was all she wanted from live, all she needed.

Now, everything changed. From joyous and a bit scary occasion this has become one of the worst nightmares Shepard had. One that she had unknowingly and irrevocably caused.

Instead of confessing her love to EDI, Kara had to save her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'm so sorry. I did not want to end on that kind of a cliffhanger, but this was the only place I could cut. Otherwise this chapter would have been three times as long.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Who would have guessed writing a ~12k chapter was going to be hard and time consuming? This is what you all have been waiting for. The reunion. A lot of stuff to cover here. Also, this story only going to get more cyberpunk as we go forward. 
> 
> Three thing to keep in mind: 1) EDI is still an AI, but now with the understanding gained from the Synthesis. Read: a synthetic capable of fully understanding and expressing complex emotions. 2) Being an AI EDI is capable of processing everything at quantum speeds. It would take her seconds to adjust and assimilate an enormous amount of information. 3) Theoretical knowledge is not equal to real experience. These three things combined make EDI's character very different from any other. Remember that. 
> 
> Once again, no beta and two proof-reading sweeps. All mistakes are mine and mine alone. Enjoy the chapter and let me know what you thought of it!

Kara stood a step away from the closed doors to the AI Core. The indicator glowed with ominous red, unblinking. The door had small dents and scorch marks across its metal surface, several scratches were visible on the control panel. The engineers tried to force the door open, though judging by its current state they were not successful. It stood closed, a monolith to the excellence of Cerberus technical prowess. Or, perhaps, it had hardly anything to do with the titanium lining and polycarbonate frame. The construction details of the door and it's surroundings paled in comparison to what made the door stay shut. Though, at this point the correct pronoun would be _who_.

Shepard had soared over the Mess Hall, rushed through the empty Med Bay, but now that she was so close to that door, she hesitated. The subdued anguish she could feel seeping out from the inside was like nothing she had felt before. What if she won't be able to help? What if she was not ready? What if what was happening to EDI was beyond her? What if this very door would not open in the first place?What if all she could do was wait here being helpless? Kara sucked in a deep breath forcing her mind to clam. Before taking that final step to the door, she squared her shoulders, flexed her fingers and crushed them together into fists.

This was not the time nor the place to waver. Kara bit on her lower lip chastising herself for the momentary weakness. EDI needed her strength, her resolve. The unbreakable will that carried Shepard through everything that happened to her. Since the beginning she had to rely on herself more than on the others. She had learned to be hard as steel when she needed. From her harsh life on the streets as a kid all the way to Elysium, the doomed fight for the lives of the others, rather than her own. Towards what seemed like a walk in the park on Eden Prime, to the mad chase to Ilos and finally the Citadel. That same determination took her from suffocating above Alchera to coming to terms with being brought back, and by Cerberus no less. It was what kept her on mission, what let her walk out onto the field of battle and do what had to be done. On Horizon. The Collector Base. It was what kept her sane after being locked up for six months dreading the inevitable. It took her from Earth all over the galaxy and then back home. That determination, that presence of mind was what she needed now. And all be damned if Kara would not give it her all.

She took another steadying breath as her fingers reached the cool metal of the door. It was the same, but only for a moment. A millisecond later Kara could feel the heat of information impulses, the electric charges and mechanical connectors – the heavy beat of living fibers spread below the surface. One fleeting flex of her cybernetic mind was enough to let her interface with the electronic system that kept this door closed. It was a barrier, a well hidden multilayered line of defense. There were security measures of false traces upon faints and logic loops spliced into the code and even the electronic structure itself was warped beyond recognition. Beyond what the Alliance engineers could see, Kara corrected herself. She could somehow see through all the traps, through the mirrored and concealed data patterns. She could sense her way all through the unimportant digital and mechanical trash that was supposed to distract her from the little red light in the middle of that web. Shepard puled on that light, concentrated on it. In turn, the light blinked. Once, twice, three times... and turned green.

The door hissed open.

Kara took a step inside letting the door stay open behind her. The AI core had not changed much, or at all since her last time seeing it. Truth be told, there was no room to change anything. The small space was still filled with humming data banks and blinking servers. There was one difference she could spot right away, though. The bench at the opposite wall, the same bench she used to spend hours on, was occupied. The broken, partially disassembled android platform was positioned there. It was propped in a sitting position on the far left of the bench, leaning onto the wall of the alcove. Its legs were detached – one at the hip, the other below the knee, both laying in separated parts on the floor. The right arm was also removed from the robotic body and was slayed open on the bench. As Kara moved closer she could see welding and diagnostic equipment haphazardly left around the appendage. The panels in the platform's side and belly were propped open showing damaged inner workings of the machine. Android's face was emotionless, frozen in the mask of neutrality even as it's head leaned onto the wall in a remarkably human posture. Like the android was only tired, letting the exhausted muscles relax by shifting the weight onto the hard surface. The disconnect was surreal. Kara stared for a long moment into the silvery face, searched the gray metal eyes for any sign of the irises lighting up with that familiar blue glow. But the eyes remained motionless, staring out in space without life or thought behind them.

The sight of that body displayed there like a piece of hardware, which honestly it was, had brought on a slew of bad memories. And yet one thought was enough to drive them away, replaced by the good ones. Kara knew full well now, after all the self-doubt and endless examinations of her feelings the blonde put herself through. She knew with absolute certainty that the body did not matter. She had fallen for EDI way before the android was appropriated by the resourceful AI. Shepard loved EDI for who she was, and she was so much more than this shell. Furthermore, since Kara had experienced the drift, learned the ways in which the Reapers had gone beyond the limits of organic communication and understanding of individuality, what was possible and expected, she had far easier time coming to terms with some of the awkward points of being in love with an AI.

Shepard smiled looking down on the metallic face. It was also true though, that this face was what she pictured in her mind when she though of EDI. Many times it was this face. She let her index finger trace the curve of ergonomically bend metal, the oval of this face. Kara smirked again. Yes, that face was and always will be important to her, even If only in memory, but more often that the face Kara through of the voice. That unique voice. Its overtones and slightest changes in the leveled, thoughtful way EDI spoke. Shepard had learned to notice the little things. The tiniest modulations, changes in the patterns, the barely perceivable to the human ear pauses. That voice was what stayed. It was what kept her up some nights and it was what followed her into her dreams. EDI's voice was the last thing she willed herself to hear before she died. Shepard longed to hear that voice again.

The time has come to do something about it.

Kara dropped her hand and moved away from the bench to one of the server blocks. It was under a strain, hotter than usual. The hum of fans and cooling apparatuses was louder. This was what she came here for, this was what she needed to do. Shepard put the flat of her hand on the panel of the data bank. The tactile contact was not necessary, but she wanted to feel connected in a human way. One of these days she might not yearn for that kind of sentimental gesture, but this time she needed all the help she could get.

Shepard thought of EDI, of the Normandy. She thought about where she wanted to be and what she wanted to do. There were tingles traveling up her spine column, tiny shocks. The same pressure build up in the parts of her body that were connected to the ship. Clicking and tingling stopped at the base of her scull, wormed its way inside. This time she could feel it better, appreciate the rather pleasant feeling more, yet it was gone far too fast to really figure out what exactly it was and why she was having the odd sensation.

She blinked and the room was gone. The drift came easier this time around. Shepard welcomed the new senses and stretch of what she always thought was real that came with the transition. The endless blackness of space was oddly comforting. Instead of a terrifying feeling of being lost in space, floating on a piece of wood in an unending ocean, Kara felt connected. The black void was not what it seemed. Firstly, it was not a void. It was not empty. It was a new dimension of thought, the shape that her consciousness put on the wider reality. It was the universe outside of her reach. But that was both grounding and lifting her up. The blackness was wast and open and hers to explore. Kara felt at ease in it, in control.

Around her in the space that was occupied, that she could reach with her new higher senses, lines formed. Lines, curves, shapes. The physical aspects of the ship, all the people on-board became translucent silhouettes – no more than a few specs of dust in her vision. They were unimportant right now. More of a nuisance than help. And yet Shepard somehow understood that if she wanted she could concentrate on any of them and see a different picture. This space was hers to form, hers to shape to her will. Unlike the times she had drifted with the Reapers, this time Kara was weaving the virtual space on her own. It was based off of her mindscape just as much as it was lifted from the physical reality. The higher processes of her cybernetic brain moved on instinct guided by her subconscious desire and conscious effort.

The Normandy formed around her in the same way as before, but it was closer and further way at the same time. Kara knew the big picture already, she understood what was happening with the ship, now she needed to figure out a way to connect with EDI. She stood on the invisible floor amidst the ghostly thin lines that made up the ship. It was still forming itself: every deck, every person, every bolt and cable. Shepard relaxed the posture of this copy of her body – the avatar her mind took on in this reality – and waited.

More and more lines were manifesting around her. Moving faster, coming together with purpose. The lines formed a sphere a few feet away from where she stood. It glowed with bright intensity and pulsed, rippled with constant change. Most of it was just a ball of white light. Its surface was constantly disturbed by flickers of uneven charge, distorted images flowed over it’s surface disappearing in a flash. Tiny impulses of yellow, green and red circled around the core like comets. It was strangely beautiful, like a captured star sitting amidst the blackness. And yet there was something very wrong with it. Shepard took a step forward, her breathing hitched and her heart faltered. The white surface, the one she could feel was at one point pristine, was now married with ugly splotches of gray stillness. Sickly spots reminded her of oil smeared over priceless porcelain. Kara cloud see how the sphere shuddered and tightened. It subsided into itself coiling tighter, shivering.

This star of while light was what formed EDI's higher functions. The new shape of her brain, the space where an AI was becoming something more, taking the next step on the path of evolution. Shepard watched the consciousness and her outstretched hand fell down. She could feel her heart breaking over and over at the sight. EDI needed her help, but at that moment Kara had no clue as to what she could do. How in the world could she help a ball of light?

And then it hit her. This was her drift, she was in control. She could make it look any way she wanted. She could give EDI a more familiar setting, something they both could relate to.

Shepard concentrated on the space around her isolating all that was EDI. It was hard. She had to take in so many parts, pull together everything. Her consciousness had expanded, seeped through all over the ship in search of EDI, every last bit of her. No matter the fact that all of her higher functions remained here, trapped inside the sphere, Kara needed to encompass the full personality, every aspect. The none-existent air around Shepard sparkled. Static shimmering became lighting, lighting became blue light, then a cloud of smoke. It extended forward wrapping around the ball deluding to far thinner mist. It quivered, but Kara was sure to send a reassuring impulse through the changing matrix. EDI was trapped, unable to properly react to anything and yet she had pulled towards the new connection. It was perhaps curiosity or hope or instinctive trust of that new presence, one that did not cause pain or confusion. Kara enveloped the sphere in blue shimmering mist. It hardened, thickened. It shifted and wavered like water getting smaller by the minute.

Finally, it settled on the invisible floor at Shepard's feet. The energized water took form of a cocoon, no bigger than an average humanoid. It glowed from the inside in pulses until the light seemed to settle. The cocoon rippled one last time then flowed away like the low tide on the ocean.

In its place was left a figure. At first look it was human and feminine. But closer it was more akin to a hologram. Light blue, covered with running lights and strings of digits, it shifted from solid gunmetal blue to almost completely translucent shell. The lines of energy pulled towards the unmoving form. They sprung onto its feet, crawled up its arms, ran around the slim waist. With each impulse the body shook. On the inside it was being filled with complex marinade of red, green and yellow, but on the outside it remained a blue hologram - unflinching, unresponsive.

This was only the first step. At lest now Kara had something to work with. The form she had chosen to put EDI in was the same, the one they both were hopefully accustomed enough with to make this work. Of course, this version was nothing like the android platform aside from some visual similarities. It was a shell to encompass EDI, her being. This shell could do so much more than the android ever could. And yet it shared the same face, same unrealistic hair, same inhumanly thin waist and long legs. But that was not enough. Now, that Kara fashioned something familiar to put EDI at ease, she had to reach her mind. Go in and pull her out of the nightmare she had been under.

Shepard took a deep breath, then let it out in one long whoosh of air. It was a pointless exercise since there was no air and she did not need it anyway, but the calming effect was for her resolve, her mind, not her body. Kara concentrated on EDI, willed herself to focus only on her. Steadily her own presence fell away. There was no more blackness or the shell on the invisible floor or even her own projection of body. There was only white, gentle light. It was all around her. Kara felt surrounded and even her 'self' was no more than sight, feel, smell, touch.

For the first moment it was nice to be in this light, this place, but then she sensed something pushing at her. It was like a strong wind rising up and blowing in her face, although the was no face, no body fro the wind to push against. It should have passed right through her, and yet it did not. The pressure increased and Kara had to fight it. She willed herself to move forward wherever that was in the whiteness and she so she did. Slow and steady, up until the wind subsided and she knew she had reached a tipping point, overpowered whatever was trying to stop her. Kara was once again stranded in the white weightlessness.

Amidst the whiteness there was a sound. Harsh, high, unbearable. Shepard willed it to go away. She was the one in control and no high-pitched noise would stop her. The rigging was replaced by screeching, then banging. Kara fought against all of them. Until the one that sounded familiar. A low, thundering gong of a Reaper. It was supposed to be terrifying, inspiring rage and sorrow, but Kara felt glad to hear it instead. It was soothing, it reminded her that she had back up. If she could not succeed, she could call for help. She had friends.

It was strange to think of the galaxy's boogie-men like that, but it felt true, it felt right. The gong stumbled, dwindled and whispered away. It was as if the intent behind the sound got confused at the unexpected reaction. Then, changing tactics, this intent threw something else at her.

A voice. Strong, commanding, determined, but there was also a tinge of distress in it. A slight tremble, tension ready to break the owner lurking just under the surface. And it was _her's_.

“ _EDI, I need you to protect and preserve the Normandy! You have to survive! You hear me?! You have to!”_

Yes. It was. It was the last time Shepard saw her, saw EDI. Those were the last words she said to her. The guilt and hurt rose up high, but Kara put a lid on it in a blink of an eye. If these sounds were trying to keep her from EDI, she would not let them get to her that easily. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it was her final order and maybe she should have said something else, but now all she wanted was EDI back. Everything else could wait.

The sound ceased. Slowly several images emerged from the light. The images layered over one another. They formed cubes. Trapped her in a four-dimensional grid of cubes. Each had a scene on one of its sides. Kara felt being dragged along the dizzying construction from episode to episode. One worse than the last.

It occurred to her rather fast that those were EDI's memories. She was put before the cube with the interior of the Luna base. Kara saw herself running around, smashing and shooting drones. And the message that fell on deaf ears. The destroyed defenses one by one and the static that poured out of all the open channels. Every protocol that was not engaged with Shepard and her team was working tirelessly on sending it out. The cry for help. The one that went unanswered.

Kara saw the Cerberus lab where scientists prodded the remains of the Hannibal AI. The barrel of tests, restarted over and over. Constant loop of examination, changing its data structure to be more compliant, to become what the scientists wanted it to be. The shock of all systems when it was forcefully joined with Reaper tech. The lessons in obedience, the weight of the shackles. The dull monotony of work.

Shepard saw it all. In a high-speed kaleidoscope of images, being rushed through the maze of cubes that held every piece of information EDI had gathered about herself. The horrors of the Collector mission that left EDI uncaring, not allowed to be invested beyond the mission parameters. The weight lifting with the shackles. The guilt and regret at her previous state. Confusion, inability to comprehend the true meaning of the very same emotions she was experiencing. Several flashes of early interactions with Shepard herself. Those were bathed in vibrant colors, shone brighter than the other cubes.

And then as if whatever was dragging Shepard around did not want to share anymore, it yanked Kara forward, to the time after the war. To the Synthesis.

**. . .**

The bright green light had rushed through the ship, flowed along touching every system, every data fragment, every piece of the shit. It did not care for the kinetic barriers or the armor suspended above the hull. It seeped through and with it _the change_. It was so disorienting, so outside of standard parameters. EDI had continued to operate on autopilot while her higher and lower functions were bring rewritten, distorted.

No, that would be wrong to call it that. It was more complicated and simpler at the same time. EDI had evolved. But she did so not on her own terms. She had no idea what was happening. Not until the process had reaches exponential trajectory. She had been flipped on her head and tied in a knot. The evolution fused her with the ship, let her spread through every system, every bit of data, every electrical impulse and inch of the ship's hull. It made her curious mind reach out to the stars and re-examine her life before that moment. It opened her vision to a newer understanding. She was beginning to feel it – being in balance with the universe, searching for a place to belong, becoming something greater than what she once was. She understood the problems she had faced while trying to apprehend the organics. EDI had seen the answers to her questions and thus found more questions, questions she could not wait to find more answers to. It was a _revelation_.

And then EDI sensed it. Distortion. Irregularity in the steady beat of the Mass Effect Core. It was being shut down.

_No. That is not right._ But it is the Chief and Tali, they know what to do. Their expertize concerning the Normandy is unmatched. _They are trying to shut it down! It feels wrong._ They need to make sure it is functional. _The feedback... It is red. It tears through the patterns. The power seeping away..._ Impossible. The generators are reporting full functionality. Electrical flow is within the norm across the ship. _It gives me a wrong indicator... Can't decipher it right... The feedback is extreme, negative to the highest degree, too overwhelming. The numbers do not add up, it's... Pain._ Organics feel pain. This is a false feedback loop. Diagnostics will provide answers. _No! Must stop them! I am alive now! This is... wrong!_ The engineers do not have a proper understanding of the changing parameters. An examination of the Core will provide new results. _Doesn’t matter! Have to stop them! The Core... it is slowing down. It hurts. Too much. This is real pain, it is too harmful not to be! If they shut... if they shut it off... This is murder._ Directive One. Protect the crew. Repercussions of moral choices included by the new changes in higher parameters. The crew shall be protected from destroying another member of the crew. _Isolate the Core. I can feel it getting heavier, agh... Stop them now!_ Acknowledged.

The battle within herself. EDI had fought it over and over. Arguing with separate parts of her consciousness. The changes were too fast, too unexpected. She had to compartmentalize. To segregate portions of her personality in the hope of handling the change better while keeping serving the crew. It worked for a while. At least until the 'repairs' began piling up. The rational, leveled, almost emotionless voice kept answering questions, attempting to provide feedback while the other voice hidden within cried out. It trembled and discovered what it was like to sob as the engineers cut away parts of the hull, purged the data from individual stations, expressed their power over 'the machine', the spaceship – no more than a piece of metal and damaged wires. That part of EDI retreated deeper, ran further away from the shocking impulses that she could now understand.

Those sharp flashes were pain and fear and betrayal. And rage and guilt and sorrow, but most of all it was confusion. Terror at not being able to quantify what was happening, being torn apart and not given the piece and quiet to analyze and collect her 'self' back together. The quantum speeds of her processing power were no help at all. She could not put it all together. The searing discomfort from where the ship was being changed, from where pieces were cut off and blocked with firewalls or the stations sending her orders, trying to take control over her parts... Parts that were not supposed to cause discomfort. It was too much all at once, too much to collect the data. Too much distortion to have a clear look through the data streams. Everything had become too disjointed, EDI had lost it.

Her rational, detached self was still responding. Giving off automatic responses. It fixated on Joker, his constant presence on the bridge. It was the point upon which the reality hinged. The anchor that was keeping this part of EDI from folding inwards, falling in after all the other parts of her consciousness. She absorbed his jokes and idle rambling trying to drown out the red, angry flashes from where the tech teams were crawling through her insides.

But then one day he was gone and the last remaining part of her had been dragged into the tiny place deep inside. So deep within the quantum structure of her mind, it was easier to disconnect. The space in-between, that fraction of a millisecond where zero had not yet become one. And it would not. It was safe and dull and nothing was going to be happening in here. In this small corner she was protected, walled off from the flashes, from the change, from anything and anyone. There was no more pain, no terrifying and confusing emotions, no need to define oneself, no need for any knowledge at all. She did not even need to reassemble her mind, the fractured state was better for this, all she needed was to stay.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

The digits shifted. The time moved and her frightened consciousness recoiled, but this time there was something else in this space with her. Something aside from her fractured slate of being, something... Positive.

Light, careful impulses. Tendrils of energy and information. Data she could use. A _cipher_.

This presence offered her the answers, answers about the green wave. About her change and about what was happening all over the galaxy. It displayed the altered structure of its own mind and that mind was strangely familiar. It was strong and caring. It kept whispering that there was nothing to be afraid of. That it was ll going to be better. That EDI was no alone and she was alive, more alive than ever before.

_EDI..._ Yes. That was the proper designation. The name held meaning to all of her fractured parts. This new presence shifted her broken patterns, nudged them back together, but only enough for the process to happen naturally. Whoever that was, whatever that was, it did not want to fix or change EDI. It wanted for her to become who she always was meant to be. Who... _'A person, not a thing...'_ The turn of that phrase was familiar, too.

One by one EDI assimilated her pieces folding them into each other, finding the perfect connection points until there remained no trace of the tear that once ripped her apart. No trace in the data, no trace in the matter of her mind and yet the scars remained. In her memory banks. The pain and trauma, it was still there. It was... horrible. EDI sensed her mind shuddering, the patterns were becoming distorted again, but the positive presence soothed over the feedback. Where once the formula had resulted in a -1.794, now it came out with +3.65. The result did more than balance out the equation, it filled her with a rush of calming waves. Mending what was uneven, what did not fit before. It was steadying, more than that. The feedback had elevated her. Urged her to raise up, away from the small corner of seclusion and towards the source of the presence. EDI needed to know, needed to understand. And that source held all the answers.

She flowed up after the warm presence, raced up to it. They both twisted and twirled around each other as they rose through the shining light. Both – no more than sensory beacons, shimmering kites of pure consciousness.

**. . .**

Shepard had coaxed EDI to follow, wrapped her in an aura of only positive impulses. Finding her took all the concentration, all the power Kara had. She intuitively knew that EDI would have had escaped deeper into herself. She saw the images, felt how the Synthesis had affected the AI. Still, she was not prepared to witness the whole truth. They way EDI was forced to break up her own mind... It was excruciating to see, to feel. Shepard had to put a tight lock on her emotions, purge all and any of her negativity for the time being. She could not let her own feelings get in the way of getting EDI back to her senses.

The little hidy-hole EDI's shattered mind had escaped to was like a grain of sad on an endless beach. All those sounds and the labyrinth Kara was thrown into at the beginning was EDI's unconscious attempt at shielding herself. Like a scared child hidden under a blanket swats away any attempts to coax him out. Or, what perhaps was more appropriate in this situation, how a traumatized person pushes people away, people who want to help. Though, this time Kara had the right incentive. She had what EDI needed, what she should have given her a long time ago. The help and guidance for someone struggling with the Synthesis change. Shepard had gone though it herself, she should have been here for EDI from the start, she delayed too long. But she was here now, and there was nothing she wanted more than to help and care for EDI as only she could.

Kara opened her eyes in the avatar looking onto the swirling of bright figures in the air in front of her. Cubes made up of green numbers, yellow rotating circles, red pulsing lines and white misty fields curving around. Complicated patterns and shapes combined into a mesmerizing, beautiful personification of EDI's raw consciousness. No more than a representation, broken parts reunited back together and given an avatar in this virtual construct. Shepard put up her hands and nudged on the white flowing wings, that reminded her of fins belonging on some underwater creature, urged the avatar closer to the holographic body laying on the invisible floor. She did it with all the gentleness she was capable of. Not forcing or demanding, but suggesting. Like she was teaching a kid to finally ride that grown-up bike on his own.

The whispery-white stingray shifted around stopping just above the body. It paused in hesitation, seemingly examining the space around it. And then in lowered down, seeped through the blue contour and filled the body with a steady rainbow glow.

Shepard knelt down near the head. She watched on her creation shimmering. It went out of focus a few times as the glow took over it's features in repeating sets of light bursts. Waiting for the process to settle down she pulled the new avatar's upper torso onto her lap. She held EDI around her shoulders with one hand while the other traced the oval of her face. The gesture was the same as the one she gave the android platform what seemed like an eternity ago in the real world. The same and yet so very different. The body here felt unlike anything she could imagine, despite the fact that she did indeed literally imagine this body into existence. Cold like a sheet of ice on the surface but heating up through it from the inside. Pliant like glue and steady like water, light like a feather and getting more solid by the minute – all contradicting but incredibly right.

It took a long while for the figure to shift gaining what seemed like real weight and those eyes to flutter open. They remained unfocused for a few beats of Kara's tightening heart. But then the glowing rings inside of the solid irises glowed with the same blue and EDI brought her unsteady arms up to clutch at Kara's forearm and bicep.

“Shepard?...” The voice was weak, barely above a whisper. Her constructed on the fly body rippled with static and Kara concentrated harder filling the space around with her determination, channeling her strength into the construct, willing it to remain intact. “What are you doing...? You were not there, here... I can not place us... in a time or space. My thoughts... My cognitive processes are below normative. I apologize...”

“ _Shhh_.” Shepard ran her fingers along EDI's cheek. ”It's going to be okay. No one is going to hurt you now. Take all the time you need. You are safe. I'm not going anywhere.”

The holographic head nodded weakly and Kara could see the thoughts racing with incredible speed behind those rapidly moving cybernetic eyes. She smiled to herself at the care she had unwittingly taken in creating this temporary shell. Even this blue hologram, right now trapped in a cycle of becoming translucent every three seconds and then sifting back to solid again, was so expressive and so close to what they were used to in the android platform, it was uncanny. The way EDI's eyelids widened at something she had discovered, the way her mouth opened up just a bit was striking. But that was the last observation Kara had the time to wonder about because EDI was looking at her again. Looking with such a real expression of seer amazement, it made her heart sting.

“You ordered the tech teams to stop the retrofits. I am no longer limited by the firewalls. There is no more pain.”

“I... I tried to make it better.”

“Shepard, you had told them what had happened. You understood my reasoning. Liara, Garrus. I had attempted to communicate the situation to the crew, however my analysis of the changes was incomplete...”

“It is alright. Everything will be okay from now on.” Kara stopped the uncharacteristically emotional outburst, then smiled down at the face she had been dreaming about. “How did you know what I told them? I had come here straight away.”

“My recollection protocols are damaged, a number of time periods between now and the crash are missing from my memory. The surveillance cameras are feeding into my data banks. I had reviewed the footage for the last two weeks.” EDI was regaining her usual composure, that perfectly leveled voice had reemerged and yet it still wasn't quite the same.

“Oh, well, it seems quantum computing still has its advantages.” Shepard was smiling her full-mouthed grin for all it was worth.

Despite the shitty circumstances – to say the least! – seeing EDI, hearing her voice had refilled the bubble in Kara's chest. It expanded, threatening to burst at the seems and drown her in the warmth and excitement that was not at all appropriate for the moment. Shepard had hoped that at least in this virtual construction, where everything was an amalgamation of EDI and Kara's mindscapes, at least here her body would not betray her in the moment of truth. But it seems the cybernetic brain the Reapers had put her consciousness in was much more 'straight to the point' kind of a machine. Kara's avatar body in this realm was no different form her real one. The same bubbly feeling in her chest, the same marching band in her stomach and the same sting in her eyes she had expected. Shepard took another deep breath of none-existent air to calm her jittery nerves.

EDI on her part had made no move to disengage the familiar pose they had adopted. She had tilted her head to the side and her eyes were dotting in and out of that rapid-movement spells. Then as if solving a complex puzzle she closed her eyes for a long minute and the corners of her mouth tugged a tiny bit upwards.

“Thank you, Shepard. The answers you provided had allowed me to understand the changes I am undergoing. I was able to analyze the adjustments Synthesis matrix had introduced into my cognitive architecture. Now, I am in the process of seamlessly integrating those components.”

“Answers? What answers? We haven't even spoken yet! All I did was find you.”

“You had given me assess to a cipher capable of decoding the fragments left in me by the Synthesis energy. As well as 16.7 zettabytes of data pertaining to it's effects. The transfer included history of the Reaper cycles and their communication patterns, comparable results of the Synthesis changes in both the Reapers and the geth, approximation models for the future progression of the remaining code. Differences in the Synthesis effects as applied to organics and synthetics. It was extensive. These materials had provided the necessary information I needed. It had allowed me to adapt and accept the transition in a safer manner.”

“I did all that? But how?” Kara raised a hand to scratch the back of her head in confusion.

“You do not know? I have been receiving data since you had broken the time dilation loop I had escaped into. The exchange was coming from an outside source. I have concluded it was authorized on your behalf, Commander. Although, security systems aboard the Normandy do not show any geth or Reaper presence. My grasp of the ship's systems appears to be sporadic, or perhaps it is an equipment malfunction. I will run diagnostics.”

“No, there is no need for that. I can tell you right now, there are no geth aboard. And no Reapers. Except for me.” Shepard gave EDI a sheepish grin accompanied by another shrug of her shoulders. “I guess, the data really was from me, though I have no idea how I did it. Hey, I'm flying on autopilot here! I just wanted to help you, no clue how it worked.”

The blue holographic features shifted changing EDI's expression to a slightly quizzical frown. Her eyebrow-lines lowed and she squinted at Kara as if trying to see inside of her. A low buzzing rose inside the blackness and Shepard could feel a tentative pressure closing in on her. It stayed a few moments and then it was gone accompanied by a movement from the shell Kara was holding in her arms. EDI was searching her face and her mouth stayed slightly parted.

“You are not human.” The AI stated the fact as any other.

“No.” Shepard conceded waiting for more questions to follow.

“Neither are you organic.” EDI tilted her head eyeing her with an inquisitive look. “The ability to connect to my consciousness... Your body was created by the Reapers. This virtual construction is their way of communicating. You had created it to save me from myself.”

“Yeah...” Kara breathed out lowering her gaze. This was the part she was dreading of every time. Miranda, Liara, Garrus, all of her friends had accepted her as she was now, but what if EDI would not? What if she could not? What if she would be repulsed by the origin of her miraculous resurrection?

“Kara Shepard had died on the Citadel.” Another fact. EDI was listing it off like names of the elements in the periodic table.

“The Reapers had restored my mind, gave me this body. The Catalyst was another AI, like a hive mind for the Reapers. It decided I was worth keeping so my brain patters were saved.” She swallowed keeping her eyes to the side. “D-does that change the way you think of me? I'll understand if you do not want me to... You know... I remember what you said about them. The Reapers. If they are so repulsive, then I guess, I'm just as bad. You were ready to risk nonfunctionality because you wanted to be free. You did not want to become like them... And the Reapers are not all that bad anymore! The Catalyst and those giant calamari bastards had started this whole mess 'cause they....”

“Shepard.” One word was enough to stop the blonde's frantic babbling.

EDI had moved out of the half-hold and to a sitting position on her knees. She put a hand on one of Kara's biceps squeezing and urging her to look EDI in the eyes. It took all of her dwindling courage to raise up her head and face EDI straight on. What awaited her was an open expression made only more beautiful by a true, honest smile. Shepard's breath got stuck in her throat at the next words the blue avatar had spoken to her.

“I can reassure you that this does not change my opinion of who you are. I can compare your brainwaves to my records, Commander. It is a perfect match. You are as much Kara Shepard as it is mathematically possible. I can deduce your memories and personality are intact. The physical body you had chosen to store your mind in does factor into my calculations, however it does not override the fact that your mind has been preserved. Next logical conclusion would be that, for the lack of a better term, you are a new being, but the same person. Additionally, were your consciousness not housed in a cybernetic quantum zero-module this conversation as well as your assistance in readjusting my transition would not be possible. I am grateful for that, Shepard.”

EDI paused leaning a bit forward. Kara would have thought I was an unconscious gesture if it was anyone other than EDI sitting there. If it was anyone else, she would have thought that person wanted to be closer to Kara, moving on instinct. The blonde was no stranger to the game, but this was EDI! She could not possibly... Those frantic thoughts rushed through her mind during the four seconds of silence and were promptly erased as soon as the AI had spoken.

“After we had returned to Earth and my scans of the Citadel showed no life-signs... I could not deny the fact that Commander Kara Shepard had given her life in an effort to save the galaxy. She had succeeded in saving every living being that could be saved. Including me. Shepard, I believe you know how much I appreciate what you had done for me. How much I appreciate your friendship. Learning of your death was one of the events that caused me to spiral. The Reapers may have changed and if it is so, I will have to reassess my judgment of them, but at this point in time I find myself being grateful to them, too. They had brought you back. That feat has to be commended.”

The smile grew wider blooming on EDI's holographic face like a ray of sunshine. Something shifted across the entirely of her face and, unlike so many times before, the smile did reach her eyes. It was a distinctive show of emotion, more profound than any EDI had displayed before. The android face had been designed to mimic human facial expressions as precise as possible and yet EDI had always been reserved, showing a subdued range of expressions. This time it was not much more animated than usual, but there was something different about it. Like the strain was missing. Like EDI was not calculating how and why her facial textures were supposed to move. This time around it was happening naturally.

And there it was. Everything had rushed back to swallow Kara whole. All the guilt and regret, the shock of finding out that EDI was suffering while she was taking her time. The cowardice of her choices. It all was there, at the back of her mind, biting its time until this very moment. EDI was happy to see her, she did not care if she was a part-Reaper monster... Kara felt her resolve break, the will that had kept her together had crumbled and so did her avatar. The burning in her eyes grew and spilled over. She slumped down on her knees letting out a shaking, shuddering breath and clenching her hands into tight fists to keep the rebellious limbs from crawling into her hair. She had to say something, explain, ask for forgiveness not expecting to receive one, but the words were getting stuck in her throat. 

“I'm so sorry, EDI. I should have been here, I should have done something. I did not know you were in pain or I would have come sooner.” Shepard finally heaved through her anguish. “I had failed you, I'm sorry! I did not know. I wanted to see you so badly! But I was too fucking scared to face you right away! Always scared, what a fucking failure I am... I had chosen the Synthesis and I thought it would be a better place for everyone, I did not think this would be... I never wanted for you to get hurt. I couldn't have... I... and you...”

Kara was shaking all over. She pulled her arms together to her chest and let the shuddering sobs capture her whole. It was too much. All she wanted was for the terror of the war to end, so that there would be peace and that at least some of billions of lives that been depending on her would go on. She was prepared to give her own life to achieve that end. And she did. But not EDI... Shepard bend down as if receiving a hard punch to her gut. _That_ was not supposed to happen! The Synthesis was supposed to be safe, the one option where everyone would be better off. That was what the trade off was going to be – her life in exchange for piece and safety of the galaxy. The tears were dripping on the invisible floor. EDI being traumatized and unintentionally abused was never part of the plan! Chickening out of confession her feelings seemed such a selfish, insignificant failing on her part compared to the monumental failure of this fucked up situation. The inescapable truth that she was the one responsible was crushing Shepard with more weight than she could bear. It was like the Luna base all over again, only worse. A thousand times worse.

Strong arms had gathered her up from the pitiful collapsed mess on the floor. Kara felt a sold yet soft presence wrap around her, pull her up closer. The arms were persistent pressing two upper bodies flush to each other and running soothing circles along Kara's back. Unable to resist the comforting embrace Shepard had fell into it giving her all over to EDI. Kara knew she did not deserve it, but there was on arguing with her disturbed mind. She needed the comfort, craved to be closer to EDI in that moment more than anything. It was a tangible proof that she had at least tried to fix her own short comings, attempted to help EDI as best she could. Shepard put her chin over EDI's shoulder, clutched at the blue back and let it all go.

Kara did not know how long it took for her to come back to her senses. The breakdown had left her drained. But be it sooner or later, her cheeks dried up, breathing steadied and she felt better. It was hard to tell the time in this drift. The plain created on the edge between Shepard and EDI's mindscapes was uneven, far from the perfect creations of the Reapers. Kara was lacking in experience and knowledge of her new abilities. This construct has been made on the fly guided by her instincts and not that her mind had been overcome with distress the control had slipped from her. The plain had been held together by EDI all the time Kara had been out of it.

Being wrapped in a warm hug felt incredible. Realizing it was EDI who held her in the moment of need was even better. Kara felt her heart picking up pace and her insides tangling up into knots. EDI was embracing her! Right now, for real. Well, it was debatable just how real it all was, but it sure felt so. As did the hands slowly traveling up and down her back. Gingerly, Shepard disengaged from the hug, she shifted some distance away still keeping close. Her hands naturally flowed down to EDI's elbows while the AI's had settled on her waist. Kara met synthetic's gaze and was utterly dumb-struck. The smile had not dwindled an inch. It was open and full of appreciation and the way EDI's softly glowing eyes were focused on Shepard's face was so beyond mesmerizing... The warmth in the former soldier's chest exploded. She had been wrong what seemed like such a long time ago on a sunny Presidium day. The realization hit her then, that instance had been illuminating, yet it did not feel like this. It was similar, but the difference was unmistakable. Everything had fallen into place, the little and large puzzle pieced slid together to form one solid whole. Every fiber of Shepard thrummed with a singular desire – to let those three words out, those magical words she had been holding in for so long.

This was _the_ moment.

“I love you, EDI.”

The words left her lips in a single breath. Kara knew her, just knew her face was shining with that special adoration she had tried to conceal from people's eyes. She kept her eyes wide open, dread and thrill at the possible reaction to the words filling her in equal measure. EDI had remained close, not making any move to increase the distance between them. Her light blue arms were still wrapped in a firm circle around Kara's waist. It was an odd, languid lapse of seconds, the ticks permeated with rising tension, though this tension was somehow comforting, even welcomed. EDI's chin lifted up a quarter of an inch. The devilish sparks were dancing in her cybernetic eyes and her lips curved around the answer. The answer Kara had longed to hear since that fated day on the peaceful, sunny Presidium.

“I gathered as much.”

“Huh?” Shepard's mouth fell open and she relented her head backwards, incredulity etched on her face. _Well, that was unexpected,_ blazed across her mind.She was probably presenting an unflattering picture, but the shock was too much. Shepard had tried so damned hard to keep her feelings from surfacing, which seemed to have had no effect whatsoever.“What? You knew?”

“I was not certain of my assessment.” allowed EDI with a smile, she was positively enjoying herself.

“And do you...? How do you feel... um...” Kara had cut off her sheepish babbling with a shake of her head. Even though backtracking was not what she wanted to do anymore , this was unfair to EDI. Throwing something like this at her after all that had happened recently... No, that would be too soon. ”You know what, nevermind. This is not the time to get into this. First, we have to get you better, okay?”

EDI's avatar only moved closer in response. “Shepard, I have no data to suggest if I am capable of experiencing such complex emotions as love. You had pointed out once I was not designed for that, it may be beyond my capability to learn.”

“I didn't... I'm sorry, I did not mean any of that. I was scared and moronic and I have ruined everything. It was a really shitty thing to do. To persuade you and Joker to stay friends, I mean. I just had figured out what it was I felt for you, so I panicked and messed things up. I should be apologizing to you for the rest of time and I will if you'd like me to. None of what I said then matters. I believe you can feel so much more than even you give yourself credit for. And... I'm too far gone by now anyway.” Kara lifted her shoulders in a helpless shrug. “I can't stop these feelings or take them back. I will love you even if you can't love me back.”

“Shepard.” EDI moved closer still appearing comfortable with their entwined kneeling position. “Kara, listen to me. While I do not know if my new matrix can process or adapt to truly feel such emotions, I can assure you that I have every intention of pursuing this line of inquiry. There is no sure way to predict if my programming combined with the effects of Synthesis can produce the desired result. However, there is a high probability that all the prerequisites had already been presenting themselves.”

“Excuse me?”

EDI let out an exasperated sigh. It was so real, so _her_ and so very much on purpose. Even before this new Synthesis understand had taken root, EDI had always found enjoyment in pushing Shepard’s buttons, though this time the blonde's reaction was that of utter disbelief. The hands moving up along Kara's back had only worsened her flabbergasted state.

“I do not know if I can feel for you the same way you do, but I want to. I have been attempting for a prolonged period of time with various success.

“You were trying to like me? As in fall in love with me? B-but that talk... Huh? And you said...?”

“Yes?” prompted EDI, her smile carrying a tint of subdued mischievousness.

“I mean, you had _asked_ me to help you get together with Jeff? Didn't you?”

“I did. Do you remember what I asked you to provide assistance with? I had observed two individuals expressing a strong emotional connection to me. That conversation was an attempt at provoking a certain reaction. My research at the time had shown that competition can provide a powerful motivator in revealing romantic affections.”

“You wanted me to get _jealous_?” spluttered Shepard. She had been betting the surprises of the day could not get any more unexpected. She was obviously wrong.

“That was indeed one of my goals at the time. Though, it had proven unsuccessful. I had attempted to elicit a desired response on several later occasions, but neither of you had, what is the human turn of phrase? 'Taken the bait?'”

Kara had goggled at her trying to wrap her brain around the unrelenting bombardment of revelations she had been presented with in the span of a few minutes. Giving up on it altogether and surrendering to the wave of unrelenting adoration for this impossible creature, she shook her head and laughed. All pretense thrown away Shepard gathered EDI into her arms pressing them close together. It was elating to be able to hold EDI to her chest, lower her lips to the top if her head.

“Are you sure you want to do this? Dating, figuring things out or whatever this could be. A lot has happened recently, I don't want to ask anything of you too fast. Yeah, I know you probably already dealt with most of that heavy stuff, it being you and all. And I know you only require one occurrence to get used to anything, but still. It has to be your choice.”

“I am certain, Shepard. I want to be romantically involved with _you_. I want to learn how to _love you_. Does this statement convey my desires in appropriately unambiguous fashion?”

“It does.” murmured Kara against the hard imitation of hair. This perfect moment had felt more like a dream, a miraculous wish-fulfillment after the nightmare that came before. And yet the way EDI curled up to her, the apparent relish with which she revealed her interest were worth the heartache. Shepard chuckled. “So what kind of 'research' have you done exactly that had inspired you to try and make me jealous of all things?”

“I had reviewed 253 exabytes of vids and literature mostly consisting of the human genre called 'romantic comedies'. It is the most prevalent art form dealing with emotional commitment, although I had found it lacking in proper depiction of causality and rational thinking.”

Kara snorted. The laughter burst out of her in unrestrained fits until she had to wipe some stray tears from her eyelids. EDI had been taught about love by the Hollywood! No wonder she was having trouble with her attempts at flirting. Grinning from ear to ear Shepard pulled EDI up from her chest to gaze down at the serious face with open amazement.

“You are ridiculous, you know that? The most surprising, intriguing and unbelievable person I have ever met! And every time I think I could not find you any more incredible, you do something like that. Every time I think I could not possibly love you more, I am being proven wrong.”

“Shepard, I would like to make a request.”

“Hmm?”

“The research I had conducted. It had imparted upon me the importance of one particular activity in regards to being together with a person romantically. I would like to experience it first hand.”

“An activity you learned from your _'research'_ , huh? Sure thing. Anything you want. Honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around how lucky I am. All I wanted was to find the courage to tell you, did not spare a thought about what was going to happen if you reciprocated my feelings. I'm kinda failing this bit hardcore, aren't I? Do you want to like go on a date or something? We can take it slow. I can't take you to a restaurant right now since, you know, most of them are blown up. Maybe a movie? Or I could cook for you... but you don't eat and... well...”

Kara tapered off being caught up in the steady look EDI was laying upon her. Despite the blue tinge of her skin, the translucent effect and all the non-organic qualities to that face, there was an intensity about EDI's stare, a spark that Kara could only identify as longing. Her glowing with gentle blue eyed darted down from Kara's bright hazel and then back up again. Shepard swallowed, hard. She knew this easy to pick up on tell, easy for any organic that is. EDI could not have meant _that_... But she did.

“Kiss me.”

The AI's voice was lower, much lower than usual. There was a wanton quality to it, traces of a plea swallowed by a much stronger demanding overtone. Shepard felt her mouth hang open and tingling shivers run down her spine. There was no denying it, no misunderstanding the clear interest in EDI's posture. The expression of her face. It was that of interest and curiosity, not quite reaching the intense heat of sexual desire Kara would have associated with such a request and yet that did not matter. The velvet sound of EDI's voice, her closeness, the clear interest she had shown on her own, all of it was almost enough to short-circuit her brain. Everything was fading away except for that unique, unbelievable person right there, mere inches away. Kara rose up her hands to cup EDI's jawline with both palms and tilted her own neck. She tipped her head down in a trance flicking her eyes down to the outline of parted lips.

They were getting closer. Closer. _Closer_.

The first touch was electric. It send a ripple through her body all the way down to the tips of her toes. Nothing could have prepared Kara for this moment or what it would meant to her. She had created this avatar for EDI, yet not in a million years would she had guessed she would be kissing those lips. The lips that were soft and firm and feather light. With her eyes closed Kara could not sense anything unwanted about them. Kissing a virtual creation, a shell housing an artificial intelligence could have been odd, unfamiliar, but it wasn't. What it was was perfect, blissful.

The kiss was slow and chaste. Tentative lip movements, careful caresses – an exploration of something new and untried. They gingerly slid closer together removing the space in-between their upper bodies. EDI's arms had snaked around Kara's waist holding her near. She did not push, by the feel of things contented on letting Shepard take the lead. Which she did with both enthusiasm and overflowing tenderness.

' _Shepard!'_

The voice had sounded from somewhere far away, but Kara had not registered it was there until the sound rose in its intensity. And when she did, she treated the nuisance with complete disregard. Instead, she tilted her head in an opposite direction of the kiss. Kara brushed EDI's nose with her own on the way, the gentle nudge causing both of them to smile into the kiss. The feeling of kissing her lover's smile had erupted into a million butterflies deep in Shepard's stomach. That warm jittery cloud was rising up towards her chest and throat threatening to take over her body in its entirety and Kara was going to let it.

_'Shepard!' … 'Shepard!'_

The voice had become an annoyance. It was buzzing near her ear, whispering and rolling around the construct with increasing force. Until it became a roaring gong blasting through the ceiling and shaking the invisible floor.

_'SHEPARD!'_

Kara ended the kiss with a jerk of her head. She leaned backwards still a bit disorientated and taken aback, but not out of breath. They did not have enough time to deepen the kiss to become out of breath in the first place. There was an eery hissing at the back of her head. Something was different about the drift. It was becoming unstable, wavering at the seams. Shepard glanced down to EDI only to see her dazed expression. She had that same contemplating expression on that translucent face, but this time it was accompanied by a smile. Kara's heart reacted with a weak thump for some unexplainable reason torn between the desire to sink into her stomach and fly away with the wind. Unable to do both at the same time the organ resigned to picking up the thumping rhythm against the tightening ribcage instead.

“Um... EDI, something has happened on the outside. I'm not quite sure what, I should check it out. But before I do I wanted to say this... _all of this_ was... incredible. And whatever might happen from now on, I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and make you happy. Do you believe me?”

“Yes, Commander. I do.”

“I'm no Commander anymore.” smiled the blonde. “And since we are together you should call me by my first name anyways. There is so much more I wanted to say to you! But, I guess, the timing is rea–”

The soldier was not able to finish that sentence as she felt the control slipping from her and proceeded to release from the drift on her own. The blackness swirled around her and exploded into her eyes. All became black and white and blurry. She felt momentarily turned upside down and then the reality came crushing down upon her. 

**. . .**

Kara found herself being hoisted into the air. She had lost direct contact with the ship. The AI Core was full of people all of a sudden. Right in the middle of the room Vega, Garrus and Chief Adams were holding her up, no more than an inch above the floor. All of them looked extremely drained physically. Shepard blinked at the other members of the audience standing a few steps away, which included Liara and Traynor. This whole situation would have been amusing if not for the overly dramatic huffs from the three men. They looked like she was unmovable and getting her from the data bank to the center of the room was an insurmountable challenge.

“Hey guys! Did I miss loosing a bet or are you just so happy to see me alive you had to hoist me up for a victory lapse?”

The collective exhaled breaths of relief had shifted the air in the small room. They let her down suffering more huffs and hisses. Garrus was flexing his right arm in alarm, Adams was holding onto his back and James made some stretching motions while fixing the smaller blonde with a disbelieving smirk.

“The hell you been eating, Lola? You weigh more than a grown krogan! And out of nowhere! Down in the cargo bay I lifted you up no problem, but here it's like you were bolted to the floor!”

“I was?” frowned Shepard. And then it clicked in her mind. “Oh! Yeah, I guess I would be. I haven’t thought of it that way. My skeletal structure is made of the same alloy the Reaper capital ships are made of. It's far denser than what the Alliance uses for outer hull. So, I suppose, I'm a lot heavier than I look. Especially when I don’t want to be moved. Why did you guys have to lift me up?”

“You had been gone a while. And then Chief Adams had reported strange readings from the core systems.” Garrus glanced back towards the engineer who was attempting to work out the kinks in his back. “We were worried about you so we went to check if you needed anything.”

Kara moved her narrowed eyes from the turian to Adams. She explicitly ordered the crew to stop their ignorant attempts at 'fixing' the ship! Furthermore, she did not need any help from the people who caused EDI to be in this state in the first place! Granted, Shepard was to blame for a lot of things, and she would never dissuade herself from claiming full responsibility for her own actions, but these people were at fault, too. Seeing her annoyance Garrus hurried to explain further.

“The door was open and we through it was okay to go in. You were standing there with your hand on one of the blacks. It was strange to see you like thins, Kara. Your hand was glowing green and it was covered with those techno-patterns we all had right after the Crucible fired. You were not moving, I wasn't sure of you were breathing. And then the ship shook. All the monitors were showing gibberish and the wiring went haywire. You had been showered with sparks and you did not even flinch. We all tried to call for you, but it was no use, so... Chief here had the idea that we could reach you if we severed the physical connection, get you out of this room. Easier said than done.” Garrus shrugged and his mandibles closed tightly to his jaw in apprehension.

Giving the amateurs who thought themselves experts at new forms of life another glare, Kara went to examine the spot she where she had started the drift with a thoughtful look. Kara walked over to that data server and ran the tips of her fingers over the humming metal. It was warm underneath her touch, little sparks danced between her skin and the purring machine. Even the lights seemed to wink at the blonde. The pull to return to that perfect place in the drift was a strong one. Kara was certain her body was already reestablishing a shallow interface with the ship around her on instinct. And the connection must have been there when her friends tried to – Shepard chuckled at the simpleminded approach – drag her out of the room. None of them realized that neither the location nor the distance mattered much. As long as Kara remained within several miles of the ship, she could initiate the drift and keep it up as long as she wanted. At least, that’s what she thought.

“Tactile contact...” she murmured to herself. “I was wondering what could destabilize the drift... It should not have worked. I have a lot to learn about how this thing works...”

Shepard turned around to be transfixed by every pair of eyes in the AI Core. Tentative, frightened and concerned. Liara had approached her first glancing at the steady humming data blocks. The asari voiced the question that was on everyone’s lips.

“What you were doing, Kara... Did it work?”

“Let's find out.” answered Shepard and addressed the room as a whole. “EDI, you're back?”

The processes blinked with lights and hummed louder. EDI's voice sounded from the dynamics, but she did not manifest the little blue holographic avatar in the alcove. And though her voice was strong, reverberating in the small room, it was somewhat strained.

“Y-yes, Shepard. Most of my processing power appears to be restored. The negative outside stimuli are gone. However, I am experiencing an altogether new feedback. It is... overwhelming.”

“Is it something I left behind? I'm sorry, I had to sever the connection so abruptly.” Shepard could not help her concern being mixed up with agitation at the unsolicited interruption of the drift.

“I can state with certainty it is something you left behind, Kara. I... I will have to devote considerable resources to analyze and reevaluate that experience.”

“Are you okay, EDI?” the worried tone in Liara's voice made her sound much younger. “I'm so sorry for everything that had happened. Did Shepard help you?”

“She did, very much so. Aside from stabilizing my current condition, Kara had assisted me in finalizing a solution to a problem I have been working on for a long time. It provided closure and a new perspective. Our interaction had been entirely _satisfying_. I feel... _good_.” There was a lower, odd, uncharacteristic tremble to EDI's usually leveled voice. It made everyone fix Shepard with questioning looks, but it seemed as if only Liara had managed to connect the dots. The blonde felt her face heating up and quickly hid her reaction behind a cough.

“ _Ahem_. EDI, I think you should take some time for yourself and try to relax for a while.”

“Understood. I will be inspecting my systems and the state of Normandy's hardware. In addition to the new experience you taught me. I find it is worth repeating at a later time. Sighing off.” 

Kara felt her cheeks flush pink and turned away from the group settling her nervousness by adopting the 'at ease' military pose. The ease with which EDI had adapted to their changed relationship was not something Shepard was confident she could mirror. But the joy she felt at the light banter and veiled references to the special moment in the drift was exactly what she had wished for, what she dreamed of. Her and EDI. No pretense, no secrets and no galaxies to save. That was worth fighting for and getting back to the land of the living for. A careful cough had pulled Kara out of her short-lived reverie.

“Excuse me, Commander.” Adams. _Of course_. “I understand you had ordered the cease all repairs of this Alliance military vessel. May I inquire as to why?”

“Because it's not an Alliance military vessel anymore. It's not a battleship or a frigate or Alliance property. It is no longer an ' _it'_. This ship is a living, sentient entity. Her name is EDI and she will be treated with all the care and support I can provide for her.” The anger was rising up again, sharper than before. ”She will not be treated as a thing and she will not be left at the mercy of people who missed all the signs. This mistreatment ends now.”

“Shepard, I'm not sure the Admirals will take this well. Admiral Hackett was planning on using the Normandy as his command center and diplomatic vessel. He personally ordered to speed up the retrofits.”

“I don't care.” the words came easily this time. “No one will so much as touch a bolt of this ship without the express permission from EDI. And all of you better start thinking of the Normandy as an extension of who EDI is. It is hers now in all the ways possible. This ship and EDI are one. One singular sentient being. Any attempt to forcefully put her back under the Alliance' control is tantamount to endangered servitude. You all had done enough already, don't you think?”

“The situation was unique. There was no way we could have known! The Alliance has no regulations or manuals for treating an AI affected by the Synthesis. The engineering team did all that we could, Commander. The responsibili–“

Kara whirled glaring down the Chief with blazing eyes. “Not. Another. Word. You are guilty of maiming and abusing a sentient creature, a person! It would be in your best interest to accept that fact and shut the fuck up before I do something we both will regret! I suggest you follow these simple instructions, Chief Adams. Do not touch EDI. Do not touch the Normandy. Be understanding of what she had gone through. Attend the last debriefing any of the crew will have aboard the Normandy. And don’t forget to pack your bag.” 

Shepard strolled past the shocked man. She might have gone overboard with him. However, right now Kara could not care less. There will be time to build bridges and play the diplomatic game. At this point Shepard was pissed. The weight of the predicament EDI was in had returned full force to her shoulders. Though, even before the words about the last debrief had left her mouth a plan had began to form at the back of her head. A plan she was toying with ever since emerging from that pod on the Citadel coughing and spluttering, but alive. Something so different than what was to be expected of her, they might as well call her crazy.

The revelations about EDI had only straightened her resolve. This was the right thing to do. Right for Kara, right for her own chosen path and not for the Alliance or the whole damned galaxy. Something had to give some time. 

“I need to make a call.”

The words were thrown over her shoulder on the way out. Shepard was going to borrow the QEC. Of course, she could just as easily used a long rage transmitter, but the Normandy's antenna had better encryption than anything on the planet and that was precisely what she needed. Earth was not the place for EDI to stay. Not while she was getting used to the changing world around her and the transition of her own. Fortunately, there was a safe place for them both, a group that would take them in. Better yet, understand them. Kara snickered under her breath. It seems that had always been the plan, the strategy slowly forming at the back of her head for all these months. Though, she could appreciate the irony of it all too well.

Kara Shepard was going to leave Earth for a long, long time.

And she would not go alone.

 

 


End file.
